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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: im 16 and my boyfriend is 19. we had been fighting lately and just got back together last night. i went over his house last night and we worked it out. so we were just sitting there watching tv, him on the couch and me in the chair next to it. i was laying down so he couldnt see my face. he slapped the chair right near my head hard and said "sleepingggg?" i jumped and laughed and said no but he, being playful, got up and turned off all the lights and the tv and said "nope, go back to sleep" and layed back down on the couch. i went over to him and started tickling him and saying "get upppp" and he'd grab my hands and push me away and toss me back onto the chair and just things like that and we were both laughing. this kept up for a while but then it escalated to him getting up and really twisting me around. he grabbed both my arms and pulled them behind my back and kept tossing me from side to side, then pushed me onto the ground and got ontop of me, me on my stomach. he was holding my hands over my head and laying on my back.now, im small, only 5'2" 107 lbs, hes 6'4" 240 lbs. he was like crushing me so i told him to let go, he just laughed and i said "no really let go, youre hurting me now." he flipped me over so i was on my back, arms still over my head pinned to the ground and him laying ontop of me. he started to kiss my neck and whisper things like "stay still" and "stop squirming" in my ear. i was pretty uncomfortable, not turned on at all by this roughness, and told him "babe no... i dont feel like it right now, youre hurting me." he just laughed and said "just be quiet". he pulled my shorts aside and undid his pants still holding my hands with his one hand, this was enough for me to slip my wrists away from him and push on his chest to relieve tension on me. he got furious with this and grabbed my shoulders and slammed me back down onto the floor and roughly pushed himself into me. he started to have sex with me hard while i was crying because for one, i smacked my head against the floor, and two, i didnt even know what to do, i felt so used. he finished and got off of me, pulled his pants back up and lifted me to my feet and kissed my forehead "that was so fucking good" he said. i was crying and he wiped my tears away from my cheeks. i slept there that night with him. it is now the next morning and i am laying right next to him on the computer while he is still sleeping. what do i say to him when he wakes up? he seems to have just forgotten about it after it happened... do i still confront him? i am uncomfortable now and i feel it will be weird to have sex with him again... i asked my friend and he said that my bf just wanted to try something new, and he did it so dont overreact... is he right? please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): So reading your response to the man who said you were raped really baffeled me. Madam if you say "i dont feel like it now" push him off and get up and he slams you on the floor and as you put pushed him self into you than no matter what you think now you WERE RAPED! You did not consent nor instigate the sexual you were crying and he didnt care whetere he apoligized or not doesnt matter what he did to you wheter you see it or not was awful and wrong. He may feel bad now but that didnt stop him that night. I would suggest knocking his teeth out of his face and laying down the law that gf does not entitle him to your body whenever he feels the need. You simply wont listen to anyone because you love him but he is an asshole and you need to step up and do something you basiclly let an apoligy cover for a rape you know happened but refuse to admit rape is rape is rape is rape no matter how you look at it.
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female
reader, bitch  +, writes (27 October 2009):
"babe no... i dont feel like it right now, youre hurting me." he just laughed and said "just be quiet".You didn't consent to this sexual act. You said you didn't feel like it now and he was hurting you. This is the definition of rape. You should do what you feel is the best thing to do in this situation including seeing a doctor and/or telling the police about this incident. Do you want to date this man and do you feel comfortable with what he did? If you liked it, then it is ok . But it sounds like it disturbed you and you didn't consent to this act or enjoy it, which makes me believe you were raped. Sorry this happened. But you need to think about YOU and not this creep. If you were my daughter I would kill this guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondrama queen or not that is yourrr opinionn and thats what i was looking for: opinions. having this arguement rly is pointless as i got an answer already out of this and petty name calling is stupid.
accountable: thankk uu lots :)
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female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 have u even thought that he apologised so he can see what your reaction will be and see if he could do it again?
and as i saw that you quickly forgave him,it was such an ignorant move,i stick with MARKINGBAD,because he said everything there's to say about this..im sorry but you made a stupid mistake by forgiving him,for what will come next will be bitter.
being RAPED:)by someone you're close to and someone you love always pushes you to find excuses for him,as for you're scared of letting go,no matter what he does you will make another excuse until one day when it's too late,you'll realise how stupid you decisions were,you're just in denial,and YES you described rape,because you can see more than 5 people saw this as rape,so i don't think it's us the problem here..
and one other thing i need to agree with MARKINGBAD again,you're just a drama queen..
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMarkingbad: i did not askkkk if i was raped. i asked what to do about confronting him about it.
and the first post here says, "confront him. if he really cant see the error of his ways and be genuinely apologetic, get rid of him and fast."
he was apologetc and has seen that he was wrong.
if i was raped, i think i would be feeling absolutely horrible right now dont u? thats my opinion on rape, something like that BREAKS you. i love him.
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male
reader, Markingbad  +, writes (26 October 2009):
 you believe u know what it is like? i guarantee you do not.
How would you know ? You had to ask here if you had been raped so doubt if you would know if i had.
do not make assumptions. i described in this post what had happened, advice i had gotten was taken
Who advised you to accept an appology ?
and i talked to my boyfriend. surely a "rapist" would not have given such a sincere apology & shown such empathy towards their rape "victim".
If he didnt rape why did he appologise ? I'm beggining to wonder now. Maybe he did rape you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMarkingbad: you have some audacity to say something like that. i did NOT say he raped me. i simply described a situation in order to get clarity. you darling, are the one doing an injustice to raped women. you believe u know what it is like? i guarantee you do not. do not make assumptions. i described in this post what had happened, advice i had gotten was taken and i talked to my boyfriend. surely a "rapist" would not have given such a sincere apology & shown such empathy towards their rape "victim". i never claimed to be raped. those comments are not needed.
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male
reader, Markingbad +, writes (26 October 2009):
You dont understand how easy it is to spot a drama queen either. What you descibed was rape. I answered accordingly. But that doesnt mean i believed you were actually raped. Women who falsly claim to have bean raped are nothing but a menace. Many innocent men have had their lives ruined by false allegations because they could not prove their own innocennce.
And have you thought about women who have been raped. Then gone through hell in the courts only to see a guilty man walk free.
Why does that happen ?
Because there are so many silly tarts who consent to sex are then falsely crying rape that its made it harder to get a conviction.
For example. Your little story.
If had ended with your boyfriend kicking you out after this bit of consenting rough sex then you may not have been be so forgiving.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): dear OP. YOU are now contradicting what you first posted. although you do not want to admit it, you need to vey wary of your bf. he will abuse you all in the name of love. he will want to exercise force again and perhaps you do not know the difference. i think you need to relook at this incident and just admit that he forced himself onto you. you don't need to verbalise it to us, but i think you need to be honest with YOURSELF. you know what you went through, so no need to be ashamed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMarkingbad: i suppose you do not know him how i do so u will not understand. thank u for the insight anyway.
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male
reader, Markingbad +, writes (26 October 2009):
Hun i aint dumb. I said you described a rape. And you did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMarkingbad: he is my BOYFRIEND. would u not be uncomfortable now? i do not believe he was deliberately trying to hurt me, he got carried away, yes. and was totally out of line, but it will NOT happen again. and i do not believe it was "rape". as my definition of rape would entail much more suffering than i had recieved, i trust and love him, he would never "rape" anyone.
i talked with him today & he was sincerely apologetic. he said he did not realize that i was in pain and that if he knew i was serious he would have stopped. he said he thought i was still joking and playing around with him. i asked him "but u saw me crying" and his reply was that he thought i had been just playing and laughing had made me cry, not his roughness. nonetheless, he knows what he did was wrong and surely it will not happen again.
thanks everyone for the answers.
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male
reader, Markingbad +, writes (25 October 2009):
You described a rape. But then said
"i am uncomfortable now and i feel it will be weird to have sex with him again..."
Which gives the impression that you havent considered reporting it. You do women an injustice. I wonder how many more will let him get away with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmale reader, anonymous: i asked my friend at 3:30ish this morning. i txtd him bc i was still upset & confused & he told me that maybe my bf was jus thinking that being rough was playful & turned him on to "be in control" and i should just go to sleep & stop worrying bc my bf loves me & wldnt purposely hurt me. then he went back to bed & we stopped talking. so thats where that part of the post came into play.
thankk uu to all answers.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): "it is now the next morning and i am laying right next to him on the computer while he is still sleeping"
At what point between that happening and you posting did you ask your friend??
If you are telling the truth, then it IS infact rape.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 October 2009):
Sorry young lady, but he raped you. First of all, report him to the police. Don't let him get away with this, he might try it again. Also, make sure you're tested by a doctor for STD's, and seriously consider counselling to make sure you just understand what has happened to you. I wish you all the best.
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female
reader, Iliza. +, writes (24 October 2009):
Love, he raped you; anytime you say during a situation liked that it's rape. you were forced against your will. You need to tell someone and quick because chances are this will not be the last time he does it.
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female
reader, lola29  +, writes (24 October 2009):
Hun, I'm sorry to say, but he just raped you. period.
he did not want to try something new, your friend is retarded no offence, but if someone was to tell me this has happend to them. I'd kick his ass the minute i see him.
you need to go get yourself checked for any STD, or even pregnancy soon, and most important of all, BREAK UP NOW.
He is no boyfriend to you, he just used you and i dont care how harsh i am right now, but this is serious S**t. the fact that he somewhat abused you before the sex, is just crazy on his part, especially since you trust him, you knwo him bein g a boyfriend!
Goodluck and I hope you take my advice and the others' on this. This is not how you make love to someone you love and care about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): That happened to me when i was younger to but he didnt wipe my tears he yelled for me to stop crying. i never saw him again and now i have issues about sex. u need to tell an adult u dont wanna be like me i have noj enjoyed sex since that day.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): No thats not something new- thats rape. Report him to the police immediately. He may do that to other girls if he gets the chance.
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female
reader, miss lilian +, writes (24 October 2009):
 No, your friend is not right if your bf forced you to have sex against your will he has raped you. My advice would be to get up and report him to the police, don't have a shower first as if he didn't use a condom there is evidence inside you. He obviously felt the need to punish you and dominate and demean you. He probably was still angry with you from your past argument. This is no excuse!!
If you still love him, that is still no excuse for what he did, don't fool yourself that this will be the only time that it happens either. Get out of this relationship and away from this person. The fact he is "pretending" that it didn't happen is typical of dominator sexual offenders. Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself. No means no
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female
reader, Accountable +, writes (24 October 2009):
 No, he's not right. The fact your boyfriend was turned on by you crying while he was using you is pretty disturbing, in all honesty. If you hadnt made it clear that you didnt want to do it, then yes I can understand that he was just wanting to "try something new", but to carry on after you did clearly tell him you didnt want to do anything like that, is hugely disrespectful if nothing else. Confront him. If he really can't see the error of his ways and be genuinely apologetic, then I'd get rid of him, and fast.
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