A
female
age
41-50,
*erenity1
writes:should I feel guilty about messing with a guy who has a girl??? but they are not married????
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female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (11 September 2008):
 2nd thought...(I post before reading other answers so I don't cloud my thoughts, however; I read your response to some answers after my previous post and realized...
You are possibly doing this out of anger and this could also be rebound. (I so think the 2nd to be a definite.)
So either way you are bound to end up in disaster.
If it's not rebound he's doing you wrong by "having the g/f" and not ending it with her if he truly wants to be with you. He's unfaithful to you both!
You're going to hurt, but not as bad as you think. This guy is probably a fix to the pain you are feeling from your husband cheating on you.
So sorry for your unhappiness, but don't do it to someone else.
Take care sweetie,
Michelle
A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (11 September 2008):
Absolutely!!! That is so disrespectful to yourself and other women. Come on, you honestly know the answer to your own question.
If they have a significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend... then yes you should feel bad and it is WRONG.
Don't do this to yourself, her or any other person anymore.
Take care,
Michelle
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A
female
reader, auddi  +, writes (3 September 2008):
Hi,
I think you should feel guilty. Your husband cheated you..how did that feel? Do you really want another woman to undergo it? Normally if one undergoes something bad, they pray to God that no one else has to undergo it as well! Why do u want someone else to go thru this.
And why do u say "I'd rather the one who's cheating than the one who's being cheated on." It's funny you know..coz you sound as if you believe you have to choose to be always on either one of the two above sides. There is always a state wherein you are not cheating anyone - nor is anyone cheating you. Why don't you prefer staying in that safe zone and not hurt anyone the way you were hurt!!
On the other hand, who is this person you are involved with? Why is he cheating his gf? Is he in love with you?? Why do you think he will not go back to his gf leaving you feel 'cheated' again! Please don't do this to his gf. If ur partner really thinks he is in love with u, ask him to be honest with his gf! I feel bad for her though.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (3 September 2008):
 Should you feel guilty? Noone but you can answer that - nooone can 'make' you feel anything...from reading your responses to other posts it seems there is a part of you that does feel bad about what you're doing - although I don;t think you feel guilty....not consciously anyway.
I am just assuming here - but it seems to me that you are desperately trying to convince yourself that what you are doing is a) out of your control or b) not "that" bad. You have already developed strong feeling for this attached man - and now you need to find some way to convince YOURSELF that your desire to date him is OK - and that your decision to entertain the idea of a relationship with him, and spend time with him etc is OK.
I am not on here to judge or tell you whether it is or isn't - (for the record I have been cheated on and I do have strong feelings about the subject, and I really can't understand how you could turn around and do exactly the same thing that broke your heart to someone else) - however, it is YOU who needs to reflect on your thoughts and behaviour and have insight into what is REALLY going on for you. You are making conscious choices in this - the idea that you can't help falling in love with someone doesn't really stand up - falling in love isn't a sudden thing - it happens when one is open to it - when one persues someone, talks and spends intimate time with someone...you CHOOSE to do that, you CHOOSE to open up your heart to the idea.
So - whether you decide to continue in this current 'relationship on the side' or give him the ultimatum, or leave...it's up to you - just be honest with yourself and be sure you can live with your actions, in the end noone elses opinion of you really matters but you can't hide from yourself. That's my advice for what it's worth!
Anf hey, don;t be too annoyed with the aunts and uncles on here who are offering their thoughts - these are just their opinions and you asked for them remember. If they are striking raw nerves...that's helpful too don't you think?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): I haven't read your other post that was referenced and there isn't enough information here to know the entire story.
My opinion is that it is cheating when one is in a committed relationship. Many relationships are not committed. Pwople date someone until they find someone better. Why be alone just because that person is nice, but isn't the one who you want for a permanent partner? Men and women both will date 2 partners at the same time when they are trying to determine what they want in a pertner or trying to make up their mind if they want to enter into a committed relationship with a certain person. This is not cheating if all parties know the situation. If both know that you are dating someone else then it is not cheating.
My wife and I both dated 2 people at once at times after our divorces from our first spouses. We also both dated others who were dating someone else besides us. That is part of determining what you want in a partner. However, it is important to be honest with all involved, at least after the first date if there is a desire to carry it farther. My wife was dating someone else when I asked her out the first time. She broke up with him after our first date. I dated 3 other women (not at same time) while I was dating her. She also did that with her first boyfriend after she left her first husband. Two of the women who I dated were also dating someone else at the time. The thing is that both my wife and I and at least one of the other women stopped dating anyone else once we determined that we were in a commited realtionship. After that it becomes cheating.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 September 2008):
 Well I for one have 56 years of experience under my belt, not with cheating mind you, but I can spot bad behavior when I see it. You are going to be the one who loses this battle. If he was ever going to leave his girlfriend, he would have already. Like I said, you are being played, I hope you like being in the orchestra, but remember at the end the audience goes home.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Yes,you should.You'd just be ruining their relationship and
causing problems and maybe a breakup.But you won't feel
guilty if you don't do it.
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A
female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (2 September 2008):
Serenity1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I really don't have an crediable answer for that question. Other than the fact that my actions aren't intentional. I've never exprienced this before and I feel in my heart that we are going to be together. The fact that I feel bad about the whole situation is going to make me give him an ultimatum soon. Not to mention he's already making comments that he knows he has to make a very important decision soon, without me even bringing that topic up. So I know everything will hit the fan very soon.
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A
female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (2 September 2008):
Serenity1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for all the replies. I think maybe I should have reworded my question or something. But it's common sense that I will feel bad. I don't know the age or experience that anyone of the people who replied, but I can tell that you would have to be rather young. For the simple reason that it's very EASY to say "END IT", "LEAVE HIM ALONE", "I FEEL SO SO SORRY FOR HIS GIRLFRIEND", etc. But any one who has ever experienced this particular situation knows that it's not that simple I wish it was. Even though I maybe being played like a violin, the fact still remains that I love this man, so if anything I'm going to need methods in finding out if he really will leave his girl (not for me, but because that's what his heart is telling him to do). Or things I can keep in mind to be able to know that he doesn't care about me, and he's just using me. We don't have sex everytime we're together and we don't discuss the bad things that are so bothersome to him about his girlfriend. He may mention things but he doesn't harp on reasons he doesn't get along with her.
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A
female
reader, shiraz  +, writes (2 September 2008):
hiyah, do you really need to ask? it seems kindov odvious but i agree it takes two for this sort of thing. youve noticed this so get out now, its a stupid situation to be in and will always end in tears- someone (most likely you) will get hurt eventually. be the better, stronger and more honset person and finish it.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 September 2008):
Look at my answer to your other question you posted about your boyfriend with his erectile problem. You are being played like a violin, I hope you know it.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (2 September 2008):
 Yes. you should. Just because they are not married doesnt make their relationship worth any less. How would you want a woman to be messing with your bf behind your back? But your not the only guilty party here he should feel worse.
Just stay away from him for his gf sake
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A
female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (2 September 2008):
Serenity1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks ladies for your answers. I appreciate it. For the record I do feel bad, but at the same time I don't. I've experienced both sides of the fence I've been cheated on and now I'm the one cheating. Neither feels good but I'd rather the one who's cheating than the one who's being cheated on. For the record my soon to be ex-husband and father of my one and only son has cheated on me several times and it doesn't feel good. My point is he left me for someone he cheated with, so you really never know what the outcome of different relationships will be. Rather you meet them out of deciet or not. You really never know everything about another person anyway. You only know what they want you to know.
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A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (2 September 2008):
 Yes. But he should feel even guiltier. I know some people would say it is his entire fault, but the truth is, it takes two. I think it's a good sign that you feel guilty-it shows you have a conscience.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (2 September 2008):
 The fact that you even asked the question tells you more than you think. You obviously have something on your conscience...
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