A
female
age
41-50,
*arko
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for about one year two months, now; he has been using the "L" word for a while, now. I can't remember who started it. At first, it was, "you know I love you". Since he would always say such a thing, I stopped saying it first to him (silly, I know- but who wants to get hurt?) Now, he says, "I love you" all of the time and I try to reply immediately so he knows that I love him, too. The one aspect of our relationship that I can't quite put a finger on is why he doesn't say, "I love you", to me, in public. For instance, we both have Facebook pages (I know, silly to think this much), but he has yet to post any pictures of us, and although I tell him that I love him through the page, he has never done the same for me. His argument is that he doesn't need a "stupid website" to tell me that he loves me; yet, he keeps the page. I am almost 27 years old and have been through a lot of dating mess (as most young women have). Sometimes, I wonder if him and I are going to go anywhere. The most recent thing was that he told me, yesterday, that he plans to spend Saturday night with his family (and didn't invite me). There is a lot of frustration on my end as I have a hard time trusting him. How can a man that says, "I love you", not tell me publically, or even invite me to visit with the fam?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Thanks to everybody that responded to my question; I think you all have made some good points. We have been struggling with some intimacy issues (on his part), and yeah, I guess I have been a little too on edge, lately. My boyfriend just turned 30 and he has lost a lot of sexual interest in me. And no, I am not fat, ugly, or stupid- I am independent, have a great career, and am also a six foot blonde. For some reason, I seem to gain more attention from other men than my boyfriend, and that's starting to bother me. We just had a big fight about this on Friday night. I guess the whole Saturday night thing was just the tipping point. We are going to talk about it, tonight, but I have decided that I am going to take a step back and just worry about my own life, for a while. No sense pursuing somebody who doesn't want to be with you.
For me, I think it's important to show the world who your mate is. And I do believe that it is important to tell the ones you love, "I love you", as much as you can. You never know when the end might come
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): To quote my wife when I just read this to her: "Maybe he's not the demonstative type. There's no pleasing some people. What the f***." Wow, and she's so quiet normally. Oops, followup from the intelligent one in the family: "Just be happy that he actually says it to you." I hate it when she uses those big words. :)
Eyes and Tisha have basically said it all. I don't think that my wife or I have ever said that in public. It just seems so hollow and putting on a show. We say it in more private times, like when holding each other closely in bed or kissing in the middle of the room. We don't just say it to make a show for each other. We say it when we really feel it, deep down.
Our showing of affection in public is to hold hands when we are walking together at times. I also like to pat her butt, but that's mainly to embarrass her. OK, I also like to do it.
It's not necessary to tell the whole world. It's just necessary to let each other know your true feelings. You are putting too much into this. It is also not necessary to say it all the time, either together or in public. Saying it all the time makes it hollow and superficial. At least that is the opinion of my wife and I. We normally have these deep feelings of love when we have some conversation that makes both of us feel so lucky to have each other, or something similar. We don't say it for no reason except to just say it. Actually, the words don't even have to be said if the feelings are shown by the looks, smiles, hugs, cuddles and kisses that you give each other. The ways people treat each other are also more meaningful than words.
Like Tisha, my wife and I didn't introduce each other to our families for a couple of years. She used to spend an occasional weekend with her mother and sister, even after 3 or 4 years. I was never with her. My parents had both died by the time that we dated or I would have probably done the same.
If you treat each other with love then that is what is important.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 September 2008):
 Hi, it took my now-husband nearly 2 years to introduce me to his family. I didn't meet his sister until our engagement party. I think it was because by bringing me to meet his parents, that signaled that I was 'the one' and he wanted to be 100% sure before taking that step. So maybe he's just being cautious, slow and methodical about it.
As far as saying 'I love you' in public, well, isn't that kind of a girl thing? I mean, most guys don't like being all lovey-dovey in public because it might make them look a bit wimpy. I'm not saying that it does, I'm just suggesting that it might be a factor in this. I personally get uncomfortable around people who are too lovey-dovey all the time; I feel like they are putting on some kind of show for the viewing public. It feels a bit fake and forced, if you know what I mean.
I'm perfectly comfortable with a limited display of public affection, as long as he acknowledged that I was the girlfriend and that he wasn't looking for anyone else. We hold hands and that kind of thing, but we don't say 'I love you' when there are other people around, it's just a private thing.
So give him some time to come around, if he persists in not introducing you to his parents and your relationship seems to have stalled, THEN you can have 'the talk' about 'where things are going.'
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 September 2008):
 My husband never says announces he loves me in a public place. It would embarrass both of us. The most public show of affection is to walk arm in arm. So I don't think that is any big deal for you to worry about. As far as the family thing, have you never met his family? If you have met them before maybe he just wants to hang out one night with them all by himself. If you have never been introduced to them I'd ask him to do just that, maybe not this Saturday but in the near future. If he refuses or acts funny about it THAT'S when you start to worry.
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