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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:MOD NOTE: Age posted is not right, poster says they are 13, NOT 19)hi. im greenpink, im 13 years old (i'll be 14 in may) and i think that i am ready to loose my virginty. we just offically met a few days ago (through mutual friends) but i have been crushing on him for a while, hes 15. um he is not a virgin and i have no idea how many times he has had sex and how may girls he has had sex with but he told me that he would go sulibit for me. is he a right choice to be my first? he seemes really nice and sweet he told me after the first time that we kissed that he wouldn't want to do anything that i'm not comfertable with, and we have only made out. now i think that i am to young to be thinking about having sex but it seemes to me that nobody that i know is still a virgin. so is it okay for me to loose my virginty at this age? i really like him but am i to young no matter what everybody else is doing? i have two really close firends, one has had sex twice and the other hasn't even thought about it. i would go to my family for advice but i am the youngest girl of my siblings and i do not want my family to think anything bad of me. i am really confused and i need help from an older source with experience. (maily an older women who has had these types of questions when loosing her virginty) I just need to know if having sex with him is a good idea and if i would regret it or not because of my age. Thankyou.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou "dear cupid" users. all of your answers help me out very much. and your all right im not ready no matter what everyone else is doing and im not going to let anyone conince me that i am. and he isn't worth it anyways. everything e said was just "fancy" talk.
with love, thankyou.
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female
reader, patient66  +, writes (8 April 2010):
Only do it if you are truely ready. Dont do it for him or because everyone else is. Because these reasons may make you do it but wont stop you from regreting it.
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reader, Katy.  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 You're 13, you're not in a stable relationship, you're not in love. YOU'RE NOT READY! Okay, I was 14 almost 15 when i lost my virginity, to my boyfriend of 8months at the time (I admit I was still too young) and who I'm still currently with 2years on.Just because you're friends have done it, it doesn't mean it's right, it's doesn't mean it's cool. In fact its disgusting and they shouldn't be proud. Have some respect for yourself, they obviously don't.My sisters 13, and if i knew she was even thinking about having sex she'd be getting a bloody telling. Be proud to still have your virginity, don't throw it away like a useless piece of rubbish, wait until it's with someone you care about, it might be in a few months, maybe a few years, but so what? IT'S WORTH IT I PROMISE (:Katy x
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reader, advice angel +, writes (7 April 2010):
 you should be proud that you havnt lost your virginity,those who have,havn't got there head screwed on properly,if he said he wouldnt do anything you wern't compfterable with,id give a few more years until your ready,this might just be the 'fancy talk' speaking,as you say you like him,give it time.
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reader, Tasmanian devil +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Yes you will regret it, no1 im guessing its illegal no2 this really isn't the type of thing you do, because your friends have done it to, no3) call me old fashioned but isn't your 1st time meant to be really special with someone you lovn and not just met 4) aren't you a little young to be thinking about this, being a kids great dont be in such a rush to grow up 5) you could get pregnant-even if you use protection (nothing is 100%) and maybe an sti. Are you psychologically capable to deal with the effects??
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): please do not go through with this. think of your future. if you want to have a kid atleast wait till you mature enough and you are able to look after your baby.
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reader, hpoco  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 You say "everyone else you know" has lost their virginity, then you go on to mention that one of your closest friends hasn't even thought about it. I'm sure if you think hard, you know a lot of girls your age who are not having sex. Don't feel pressure, don't be rushed (this is not one of those milestones you want to be first in). I lost mine when I was 15 and it was a mistake, I can't imagine how damaging it would have been at 13.
A real boyfriend is someone you have known, and been dating, for AT LEAST six months. It takes that long to see different sides of people, and spend enough time with them so you know you can really trust them. I am not encouraging you to sleep with this guy after six months (I think you should wait longer), but at least wait until you know each other better and you have a solid established kind of relationship. Any girl, at any age, who sleeps with someone after knowing them for two days, is being foolish.
Its better to wait, this is one memory you will never be able to erase! You want it to be with someone who will also really remember you. Good luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): I am 26 years old now but I have film of me talking to a camera when i am 15 years old and declaring in an annoyed tone that i was "STILL a virgin" lol. It makes me laugh looking back because i wasn't any where near ready for sex even if it was one of the subjects floating about my head. I didn't lose my virginity until i was 22 and do you know what, i am really glad i waited because it wasn't just some guy who wanted a quickie and then dumped me a few weeks later - i had a really strong loving attachment to the guy and trusted him completely, we broke up a few years after but i'll never regret giving my virginity to him. 13 and even 14 is too young to be having sex, sure you can think about it to your heart's content but if you have sex then you risk STD's, STI's, your parent's finding out and also risk becoming a teenage mother. Not sure it would be worth it for 13 but if you decide to go a head then make sure you are protected via pill and condoms etc.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): No, everyone else has not lost their virginity at 13. Please, please do yourself a favour and talk to your parents. Yes, it's going to be awkward. Yes, it will be helpful in the end. best wishes xx
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reader, Miamine +, writes (7 April 2010):
 When I was your age, and getting currious about sex and how to grow up to be a woman, I found that Judy Blume books helped a lot.
Go to the library and get "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" by Judy Blume, it's a very funny read, and you'll see that everyone has these questions, as they are growing up.
Don't rush to loose your virginity, sex aint going nowhere, but bad sex, shame and embarrassment can last a lifetime and can cause you to hate yourself.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (7 April 2010):
Bad idea.... you've only been speaking for a couple of days.. your too young, and if people will think badly of you (your older siblings) there is a reason why. It's because sex at your young age is not a good thing.
Go and ask one of your family for help. Don't tell them about the guy, and don't tell them about you wanting to do the sex thing. Just ask them when is it right to loose your virginity, and how can you know when you are ready. A general question about sex, that any of your brothers and sisters, or your parents will be glad to answer. They are expecting you to ask such things, so they will be ready with an answer.
Don't watch what your friends are doing, many have had sex and I bet most of them regret it, or they will when they get older and really fall in love.
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reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (7 April 2010):
 The thing that most people (including teens AND even adults) don't comprehend is that sex is a huge decision. It can be full of consequences, and in turn, is a very adult choice. You need to realize that by choosing to have sex, you are choosing to deal with whatever issues may come of it. This includes the lesser consequences such as heartbreak, and the BIG consequences. Such as pregnancy and STD's. Do you really think that at the age of thirteen, you have the means to deal with these types of issues? Do you have the financial means for pregnancy, or even for an abortion? Do you even know what's required for an abortion in your state?
How about getting an STD? Are you really willing to possibly contract one just because everyone else is having sex? Is it worth the pain and discomfort of possibly passing these diseases on to future partners, and even possibly someone you may come to love? I don't think it's worth it. And the thing is, it's easy to have sex. It's easy to find someone willing to have intercourse. ANYONE can have sex, but not ANYONE can say no and show something called self control.
I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty, and it was with the first person I ever loved and trusted. I don't regret it even if we aren't together anymore, but I know for sure I would have regretted losing my virginity with some kid I didn't know at the age of thirteen. So stop worrying about sex and start thinking about other things. Be the person that makes the adult decision and stop worrying about everyone else. I know that's hard to do at your age, but you won't regret it later down the road. Good luck.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 April 2010):
I don't think you're ready, and since you're asking the question here, I'm not sure you think you're ready either. There is not rush to lose your virginity. A lot of people will tell you on here to wait, because they did lose it early to the wrong person. I'm a guy, so I know what this 15 year old wants and what he will do. Chances are he won't care about you, he'll just care about himself, and you'll end up hurt. I'm not sure what the legal age is in your state, but in most places it's at least 16. A lot more people that you think will be virgins, and will lie because they feel like they're under pressure. And to top it off, you've only really 'officially met' this guy over the past few days. I personally think you'll regret it and end up hurt and used by this guy. Wait for the right time, and the right person.
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 April 2010):
 I dont know what "sulibit" is so I'm just going to have to leave out that part I'm afraid - maybe there will be someone else who understands what that means who will be able to help you.Ok I am going to tell you about when I lost my virginity - but please bear in mind this is just my story and is in no way me trying to tell you that it is the best/right thing for you to do. I met my boyfriend when I was 15 and he was 17. He was my first love, my first real boyfriend and we spent a wonderful 6 months together before we had sex. he was a virgin too, so it was both of our first times. It was really special, a great "first time" and I do not regret it one bit even though I was still technically underage at 15 and a half. But what made it special, what made it right was the fact that we were in love, we had been together 6 months, and we really trusted each other and knew it was the right thing to do. The fact that you are here questioning whether this boy is right for you, and if it is the right time for you to lose your virginity suggests that no, this is not the right time for you and you should wait a while longer. You have to keep in mind it is illegal for you to have sex, and it will be for quite a few more years depending on the age of consent in your state. The guy you sleep with could get into a lot of trouble for having sex with you as technically you are still a child. Just remember that!I think age is not always relevant in the decision to lose your virginity, it is about how ready you feel mentally and it is dependent on your relationship with the person who you are going to lose your virginity to. 13 to me is too young for sex - but this is just my opinion. Have you even started your periods yet? You have only just turned into a teenager, your body is no-where near ready for sex as it has not developed into a woman's body yet so my inclination is to say that you are not ready. Just because you know a few people who have had sex does not mean you have to do it - half of these people will be lying anyway to try and sound cool and grown up, when I bet all they have had is a fumble with their boyfriends in the dark and nothing really happened. Dont feel like you should be doing what everyone else is doing - this is your life and you have to live with your decisions for ever, so dont let anyone else influence your decisions - you have to do what is right for you. Dont do anything you might regret in the future because it will upset you to think about it one day in the future, and you will wish you had waited a little longer for the right guy.So really at 13 no you should not be having sex, and probably not something you should be thinking about until you are 15 at the earliest (which is still illegal may I add). The person you lose your virginity to should be someone you love, and who loves you back. Someone you have been in a relationship with for a good few months, someone you trust and someone who really cares about you. I cant stress how important this is - the only reason I dont regret losing my virginity so young is because I had a wonderful boyfriend and it was only him that made the experience so special. If it had been with some guy I had only known for a few days/weeks, and someone who I had only made out with rather than really getting to know him in a relationship then I can guarantee that the experience would have been terrible and I would still regret it to this day.I hope you do decide to wait a while longer, and spend lots more time with this guy getting to know him much better before you decide to do this. And make sure when it is your first time that you are safe - he is not a virgin so he could have a STD hence you MUST use condoms, plus you should be on birth control just in case the condom breaks or any mishaps occur - you dont want to be pregnant at 13 now do you! If you have more questions about sex and losing your virginity you could go to your doctor - they wouldnt be able to tell your parents as they have to abide by doctor patient confidentiality rules. They will be able to help you with the health side of it and talk to you about the risks of having sex at such a young age - there has been a lot of research that shows the younger a woman starts having sex, the higher the chances are that she will contract the HPV virus which is the cause of cervical canver. So maybe keep that in mind - while your friends are having sex at 13 at least you wont be putting yourself in a situation where you are more likely to get cancer. If you have any further questions feel free to ask!I hope this helps and good luck!
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reader, Brunel  +, writes (7 April 2010):
No having sex with him is a bad idea and I should know many of my friends describe me as an 'old woman'.To do this is a huge emotional step it is not an every day happening - you cannot reverse the process.You are not bad you are normal and it is as obvious as night follows day that you are developing and wondering what this thing is all about.First thing is that you will probably end up dissapointed and maybe upset. Postpone it for a couple of years as I fear you may well regret it.
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reader, Kenj +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Hi, I am sure lots of other people will tell you the same thing here, it is illegal to have sex underage plus you said it yourself "i have no idea how many times he has had sex and how may girls he has had sex with"This should be ringing warning bells loud and clear, please do yourself a favour and look up STDs or STIs on google and while your at that, look up unwanted pregnancy.Whats the hurry to loose your virinity, you have the rest of your life and to be very honest doing this now will most likley be something you regret later in life, a lot of women do regret it.I am not having a go at you, but all I am staying is at least stop and think about this first. You may feel like you love him right now, but knowing someone for a few days can easily change after a month.
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