A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it justified for me to cheat if my partner is abusive to me? I shouldn't say justified, but rather is it a good reason. I know I should just leave him, but i don't know how at this point. He hits me and threatens me and verbally abuses me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): Uuuummm.., call me Dumb I guess! But.., if he is already abusive!! Y even continue the relationship!!?? Just end it with him!! And don't u think..? By cheating on him will only add fuel to his fire!!? And not to mention.., u then becoming a Cheater!! If u r truly not happy and no longer in love with him. Just end it and move on! By cheating on him .., u r only looking for more trouble for ur self!! And that would be no ones fault..., but ur own! Just because he's an abusive SlimeBall ! Still does not give u a right or reason to cheat on him!
Good luck to u though sweetie;)
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 C.Grant has said all that needs to be said. You do not need to cheat, just like how you do not need to be with this man.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 I'm so sorry to hear of your problem. This is a really awful situation for you to be in and you need to get some help. There are plenty of places you can get the support you need in a way that suits you (helplines, refuges, councilling etc.) Look online ways that might help you come to terms with what has happened and how to move past it.
I think once someone hits you then the only important thing is leaving. Cheating won't help simply because it might put you in a dangerous position and make you feel worse. As for if it's justified I think once someone has turned violent you don't owe them anything HOWEVER it would be very unwise firstly because of his violence and also because you are very vulnerable right now and any kind of intimacy is going to make you feel even more so. I think you may be looking for a quick-fix for having your confidence destroyed by abuse and are looking to briefly feel some control/love/confidence/escape. This is understandable, but will at best be a quick-fix that makes you feel worse in the long run. At worst it will compromise your safety.
You need to take care of yourself right now, and as hard as it is the first way to do that is to get out the situation. It's an awful one to be in, and I truly hope you get out as swiftly and as painlessly as possible. This man is a bully and the you need to get out before the bullying gets worse.
Hope things work out soon.
All the best
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): Cheating hurts you far more than it hurts your partner.
If you don't believe this, and you must just prove it wrong, then go ahead and cheat, then look back 25 years from now and understand the damage that cheating does TO YOU.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): While I in no way agree that you cheating on him would be equivalent in any way to what he is doing to you it would be a very bad idea and it's never a healthy situation.
You need to get away from him asap. Go to a group/shelter that can help you to do this. If you have any evidence of his abuse collect all of it in case you need this to help your case.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): Cheating is not good thing just leave him there are very nice men you will find someone better.its batter to leave rather then living with him and cheating on him
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Mystiquek has it exactly right. Provoking an already abusive partner is highly unwise, and cheating is about as provocative as it gets. Leave, then you can be with whomever you want and not have it be 'cheating'.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (11 March 2011):
 If he's abusive to you now, what do you think he'll do if he finds out you are cheating? Have you thought about that? I implore you to leave him, before he hurts you so badly that you can't leave. Cheating should be the last thing you are considering.
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A
female
reader, Tuatara  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Hi there,
I don't think it is wise to cheat on any partner, irrespective of how things are in your relationship. What I do think is wise is to get out of this relationship as soon as you can.
If you are capable, willing to and confident about, cheating on your partner, then use that strength to get out. You will only destroy yourself more by cheating. Cheating is not going to help your situation, it will make it ten times worse.
In my country we have an organisation called womens refuge. It supports and assist women in abusive and or violent relationships to get safe and away from the abuser.
If there are any similar groups in your area I strongly suggest you go and talk to someone about how to leave.
Abusers rarely change, cheaters are a similar breed.
Have another look at all your options before you make a silly mistake.
Don't cheat. xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 March 2011):
Cheating has no excuse. Ever. If you cheat, you become the very man you're with.
Leave. Period.
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A
male
reader, Jackalus +, writes (11 March 2011):
Cheating is not the answer. You need to confront him and tell him he has no right to lay his hands on you and that u are leaving. You just need guidance and courage but dont cheat
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (11 March 2011):
You can change the title for "I have a problem so I'm going to f**k up worse".
There is no valid reason for cheating.
If you cheat on a man who abuses you physically you can get killed.
Get some professional help ASAP.
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