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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm 20 and my current boyfriend is 33, we've been together for 10 months or so.We met via work (we play pro badminton) and I used to play mixed doubles for a little while before we got together, which is where we initially got to know each other. (we now have different partners because if the relationship goes sour - hopefully won't - there won't be a lot of stress on us and also it was a better match for the team we're in).I was initially attracted to him because . . well, I'm not going to pretend I'm not superficial ;) he is extremely good looking but he's also laid back and docile. Not in the 'take it eaaaaazzzy maaaaan' annoying surfer dude kind of way, but in a savvy composed manner. He's also very caring and kind, he rarely has a bad word to say about anyone (unless it's the opposing side :) )I love being around him because at the same time as having an adult conversation, he also makes me feel completely at ease and we both act like little kids together (..not literally. But we play loads of video games and just have a great laugh together without acting like everyone else my age). It's nice to actually have a conversation where topics such as Maybelline and Robert Pattinson don't come up; I don't mean to be rude, but my female team mates seem determined to hang onto the teenage way of life.A few days ago, he told me that one of the reasons he was attracted to me was because I was (quote) 'so much more mature than your teammates . . . and you don't act like a 13 year old or squeal if you happen to break a nail' (end quote), so I don't feel as though mentally the age gap is that large. We share the same interests and we seem scarily in tune with each other (in the sense that he can almost tell what I'm thinking sometimes...it's quite un-nerving!)But recently, my friends have been commenting on the age gap, saying I should have a boyfriend closer to my age. I've always tried to live by the addage 'Happy is as Happy Does' but they've just been gossiping away recently and I don't pretend I'm consistantly strong minded enough to ignore it all.Do you think the age gap is too big? I can't foresee any major problems and I'm extremely happy at the moment (never been happier actually). Why do you think my friends keep commenting on our relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): i think its great you've got someone who understands you and you can feel comfortable around the age thig shouldnt b an issue its just a number at the end of the day perhaps their over protection could b an underline issue mayb a fear of loosing you to a more adult life style which they havnt quite got the abbility to fit in with yet, dnt worry if what you have is what you want they will come around to it eventualy just make sure they know just because hes for keeps doesnt mean they meen anyless to you, maybe have a few social gavering like a barbeque so they can see how good he is for you : )
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female
reader, cowgirl123  +, writes (7 January 2011):
I'm not saying dont be with him,but I"m kinda in the same position.I'm you're age,but my guy is 2 years younger than yours. Sometimes, the age difference will cause a problem.However, if you believe that you can handle it don't let anyone else tell you that you should not be with him. If he makes you happy that is great!!! I made the mistake by letting people tell me that I should not be with him so he broke up with me after a while because they started making him feel about about him being older than me. We are back together now, but if I could go back I would have told everyone else that I love him and I do not care if he is older than me and he loves me for who I am. That is very rare to find!! So, in my opinion, when you find it...don't let it go. I hope you two are very happy together it's sounds like you are :)
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Just tell them! Next time they say something bad about the age gap tell them it's not their place to comment. Say you are happy and if they were real friends they would not judge you but accept you for who you are and respect the choices you make. Tell them you have not asked for their opinion and do not need it. Say how you feel. Set boundaries in your friendship. If you don't stand up to them they will continue to tell you what they think is right for you. Don't let them!
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female
reader, Fabulosa +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Be very honest. Tell them that he is very important to you. And your planning on having him around for a long time. Tell them it's important to you that they except your relationship and him...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the positive replies, could anyone give me any advice how to approach my friends about how they're making me feel?I'm quite tempted to tell them to **** off, but that's not going to be particularly contsructive..
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female
reader, Fabulosa +, writes (7 January 2011):
Age dozen matter what matters is where u r in life. For example maybe he wants to get married and have kids in the next five years, but u can't to go to school and earn a masters then travel europe and don't see yourself even thinking on his page for at least another ten years. But if u both want the same things then your ok.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): Maturity is that bridge you cross when you don't let your friends interfere negativiely with a good thing if that's what you know you have. Maybe there is an age gap problem because i doubt he allows that crap. Your friends keep commenting because you don't have the maturity to not need there approval and reassurance.
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (7 January 2011):
 I don't understand why your friends are commenting on the age gap when he is so good looking and I can imagine you appear to be very happy!
Have you asked them why they think its a problem?
I'm 21, and my OH is 34, we met when I was 19 and he 31 so we have a 13 year age gap. It has never really been a problem for us, it actually works very well, as he is still a big kid (in a cute way) and I am a tad old beyond my years.
At 20 years of age, you are old enough to be able to make your own decisions.
As largentsgirl89 said, it is important to make sure that you are communicating well, especially about what you want in a relationship.
If your friends are talking about you behind your back, are you sure that these are the kind of friends you want?
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female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 It sounds like you two are really in tune with each other. You are very fortunate. As for your friends, well, they may be a little jealous of you. Your age gap isn't too big. Just think when you're 70, he will be 83. That doesn't seem so bad.
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female
reader, Catflap1 +, writes (7 January 2011):
I don’t think it is a problem and it looks like a simple case of jealousy. Your friends may want you to act differently so they can have more of your time. It is unnerving to them. Don’t let it bother you, you seem very happy and the age gap is fine. He has done his growing up, which a lot of young men your age won’t have. They can love someone and still feel the need to sow wild oats.
An older partner has sorted out what is important and hopefully got those wild goose-chases out of the way. I had a boyfriend when I was your age who was in love with me and still is but he lost me all those years ago because he played around. 30 years later he is sad about it. At the time he broke my heart. This person is compatible with you, is fun, but mature. Don’t let him go. Real friends will come around to it, they don't have the right to say "should" because they don't have the answers.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (7 January 2011):
 I don't think the age gap is a problem as long as you two are communicating about what you want and expect from the relationship that you are in. Since he is older, it is more likely that he will want to settle down and have children, get married and all that before you are ready to do so and that might be a problem. But you could also be ready for that when he is.
You two sound like you make each other happy and you have a healthy relationship. You are over the age of 18, legal adult, so I don't see a problem with the age gap at all.
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female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (7 January 2011):
Hey! My boyfriend is 16 years older than me. Reading your post your relationship has similarities to mine. Despite the age gap, we connect on an emotional level and act like kids together, you know, we bring out the playful, silly side in each other. When I met him I knew he was older but didn't wonder about or care how much, simply because I found him so attractive, sexy and interesting. I was just drawn to be with him, simple as. When he told me his age, I was surprised because he didn't seem so much older than me, in appearance or mindset. And I realised I didn't care because I liked him so much that age was not an issue.
So, ultimatly, age is only an issue if it is to you or your partner. It is most important that you connect on an emotional and intellectual level and that you find each other attractive(sex life is important). It sounds like you 2 have this. Sadly, other people will always have their own opinions on what is "right" or "acceptable" for a partnership. And people will always express their views on things that they thing are not right.
Ultimatly you must live your life the way you want. Next time these girls tell you what they think is right for you, tell them straight. Tell them that a, it is none of their business, b, you are very happy with your choice of partner and c, he fulfills you on every level and it is nice to have a mature, intelligent conversation with someone.
Also remember men are said to mature later than women, so it is more natural to date an older guy. I never really thought about it before being with my partner but guys my own age or a bit younger seem like kids. As lovely as they are, I'd rather be with my older man any day :)
Do what makes YOU happy.
Good luck.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Well it seems like you make each other happy and have a great relationship - so right now, then I would say no the age gap is not to big.
But the only issue that could arise is what you want from the future. Do you want marriage and kids? Does he want marriage and kids? If you think about the average age for a female to get married in the UK it is between 24 and 30, so you have 4-10 years before you are likely to get married. This means he will be 37-43 when you get married, is he happy to wait this long? Not that age is too important when you get married, but age is definitely important when having kids. Chances are you wont have kids until you are between 25 and 35, so he will be between 38 and 48 - now that is quite old to be a father. Not too old, but his age will start to become restrictive in that he wont have the stamina and energy to run around after toddlers, or play with them in the park etc.
And keep in mind that when you are only 50 he will be 63, you will probably still be in good health whereas his health will be declining and you may end up caring for him when you should still be enjoying life.
However saying all this, my personal beliefs are that if the age gap is under 15 years and the younger party involved is 20+ then it is not a problem at all. As long as you agree on what you want from the relationship and where you hope it will go in the future (i.e do you want the same things) then all will be fine.
It is rare to find someone who makes you this happy and someone who you share so much in common with, so my advice would be to double check what you want from the future, and then ignore your friends because they are just jealous you have an older guy! Have a word with them if they are upsetting you - tell them that you have never been this happy with anyone before and you see a future with this guy, and as your friends you want them to be supportive instead of being so negative. They should respect that you are happy and try their best to get their heads around your relationship.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 They can say whatever they want to say, the age difference here is not a problem at all. You can be with whoever you wish to be with and do not let anyone try to convince you otherwise.
I hope that helps.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): To be honest the age gap is quite big. You two are at different stages of your life, your just starting out and he is in full swing.
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male
reader, Azza +, writes (7 January 2011):
Not exactly sure why your friends keep commenting on the age difference in the relationship. You could say it's very simple and they just don't agree as they are not open minded enough to accept it. Not experiencing it themselves could be a factor that they just can't understand.
You are happy and it's currently working, I would take that as a no, the age gap isn't too big.
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