A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am 14 wks pregnant and been in my relationship with my boyfriend for 8 years and we have a 5 year old son together. My boyfriend is not happy about this pregnancy and says he doesnt want anymore kids and is forcing me to choose between him and my baby.he says if i go ahead with the pregnancy hes finishin with me and will try and get full custody of our other son.im so confused, scared and dont know wot to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, meg2989  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 I'm sorry but that is BULLSHIT. You have been together for 8 years... and now he's actually making you choose between your baby or him??? If he loves you he would NOT make you choose like that. It takes two to tango, and if he really did not want you to get pregnant, the nhe could have take better care to make sure you would not fall pregnant for example a vasectomy. Gosh that makes me so angry that he would do that to you!!!! Tell him its the baby. He will not be able to get full custody of your son if you take care of him. You will get shared custody. And if he is willing to fight you for custody of your son, but doesn't want to fight for the baby after he/she is born, sue for child support. I probably sound ruthless, but men like that really bother me. It just makes me wonder if they really ever loved you. I would understand if you were in a tight spot financially and he asked you to consider adoption or something because financially you just could not support another child, but not if its becasue he just decides he doesn't want more kids and expects you to have an abrtion. ( which are horrible btw, I've had one and will never do it again in my life. It makes u feel awful. I almost think it really piuts you in a depressed state.) Anyways I know you are scard just make sure you have a good family/friend support system!
A
female
reader, wee_neko +, writes (1 March 2010):
While I'm pro abortion in theory, in practice it is often devastating for the mother. if your boyfriend hasn't considered the psychological and physical distress he's trying to force on you, you may want to rethink the relationship.Also, while I'm sure there are many other things on your mind, it is uncommon for fathers to be awarded full custody of kids.
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A
female
reader, Sharon1111  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 How is your relationship with this guy? That is surely a big factor to weigh up. If your relationship is not good, why continue anyway?
Abusive men often threaten to deprive the woman of the child. You need to know this. It is no reason to keep your partner. You should get legal advice and perhaps contact abuse (phone)lines or centers or refuges for advice.
Does this man care about what you want? Are you able to make shared decisions together?
What do you want to do about the baby? Think into the future? What do you see there depending on what you choose? Could you be happy with this man if you abort or give up this child? And would you regret doing this?
It may be a good idea to seek counselling to clarify what you want and to see what your options are.
A better life may be possible for you and the children without this guy around. Just make sure you have support, ie, are not alone and living an empty life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): Did you guys plan to be pregnant? Did you guys discuss a baby before all that sexual activity?A man in a relationship has a right to say he does not want a baby. There is nothing creepy about that. Just as you have the right to keep it and dump your boyfriend. But it's not about rights here. A baby should come into a family when both parents want it. A mother should feel protected by the baby's father. And it's interesting how you say, between "him and my baby". Is it not his? What kind of dad is he with the other child? If you have so much trouble with him don't stay with him. But do you want to be a single mother with two kids? There is more to this story... you need to tell it to get proper advice.
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A
female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (1 March 2010):
 I'd choose the baby. Any man that makes you decide between him and your children isn't worth being with! Court usually gives custody to the mother unless she is found uncabable of looking after the child. And I'd definitely go with caring guy's advice... Citizen Advice is brilliant and has helped us so many times!
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Do not fear about the custody of your son .The law is on your side.Children below the age of 8 is normally awarded custody to the mother.
There is no way he can get the custody of your son unless you are proven to be incapable of looking after him because of known drugs related crimes or have mental problems or are terminally sick.
If you are not working , he will have to pay you and child maintenance.
Do not be fearful of him as he has no grounds to get custody of your son.
That said, his threat is just an empty threat.Probably said during the heat of an argument.
He may come around later to accept the decision when the baby is born.
It is your body , if he does not want it , he has no right to blackmail you.
Just ignore those empty threats of his.It is unfortunate that you have to go through all this because of his immaturity and irresponsibility.
Children are a blessings from God. Treasure and cherish them.
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A
male
reader, HarryFlashman +, writes (1 March 2010):
I would choose the baby. Even if you decide you don't want the baby, I would strongly advise dumping your rather awful boyfriend.
What a creep.
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A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Wow, try to get evidence of this to present in court. What a puke. Choose the baby. Get a new man.....or not. I realize that part of this site is tact but you can't ignore the obvious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): First talk to someone, social worker; lawyer about the custody issue so you won't be operating from a position of fear. Then decide if you want this new baby or not. It is not his choice, but yours. But if you abort or whatever just to keep this guy than you are making a mistake. This is not about the baby, it is about him controlling you.
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (28 February 2010):
 Hi there, Presumably he didn't object to having unprotected sex with you, but now the consequences are here he's holding you to ransom.
Please go and stay with family and friends if you live with him cos this is too much stress for a pregnant woman to be living with.
Unless you have drug or psychological issues there's no way he will get custody of your children.
He sounds crazy. Please listen to Caring Guy. x
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (28 February 2010):
 phht, in light of his blackmail attempt to get you to abort this child of his, I doubt a court would award him custody. Do as caring guy suggests and contact citizens advice.
good luck and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 February 2010):
Well no man on earth who truly loves you would treat you this way. To reassure you, there is very little chance that he could try to get full custody of your son. I have only ever heard of a handful of cases in Britain where the mother has no custody, and they usually involve either crime or mental illness. Do not fear your boyfriend, there is nothing he can do to you. And as a matter of fact to be trying to blackmail you this way will leave him in serious trouble with court. My advice is for you to follow your heart, which I suspect will lead you to having the baby. You will regret more if you abort and he then leaves anyway. Also, go to this internet site,
citizensadvice.org.uk
type in your postcode and find your nearest office and book an appointment. They offer FREE advice on anything, including housing, benefits, divorce and such, so they will be able to help you.
Your boyfriend is clearly not the guy for you. It will be hard, because he will no doubt treat you poorly. But do not fear him, because ultimately you will be in a better position than him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): He can try and get full custody all he wants, but it ain't gonna happen unless you're a child abusing psychopath or a drugged up coke whore.
If you are neither of those things, he has a snowball's chance in hell.
Whilst I understand he has a right to have his views on the subject, its still ultimately your decision, and no one shiuld be forced into anything they don't want to do.
If you wish to keep the baby, then keep the baby. And damn him to hell.
Flynn 24
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