A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i have meet this man online. at first he used to annoy me but now he is easy to talk to and a right laugh.he is very forward though and has never hid the fact that he likes me. he has given me confidence about my hourglass size 14 figure and made me feel good about myself. i'm 17 he is 41, divorsed with kids. he now wants to meet up in a hotel somewhere and take my virginity. he is talking about all the things he wants to do to me and how i can take my time and everything and he will bring protection. but am not sure this is the right thing to do.
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female
reader, pee xxx +, writes (21 September 2008):
Hi there. I understand what you are going through and how you feel about the man. However, he is 41 and you are only 17. I would say NO WAY!! Darling i think he is taking advantage of you! I can realte to you because i am the same age as you and there was this guy who was 36. But the difference was that i didnt meet him online he took me out a few times tried to wine and dine me.. etc.. but i didnt give in
that is because it is MY virginity! It YOUR pride and diginity, plus you have never met the man before so he could use you. its your first time and it should be with someone special, plus he has children aswell and things could start to get complicated. Its the "honeymoon" period between you and the 41 year old man and he could definatley start to change once you give in. Trust me.
In addition, he is 41 so can't he find a woman his own age?
this suggests that he may be incapable of having a mature realtionship therefore it is best to stay clear of the man. This is everything that you losing you must think of the consequences! sorry if i sound a bit harsh,just that girls our age need to be carefull and i have learnt from past experiences.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): I'd say 'Hello No!'
Ultimately, it's the fact that you're slightly concerned. You're not sure.
There's also a massive age gap, in fact, the reason I found this post was that I'm currently confused aboyut liking someone who's 41, and I'm 17.
I do like an older man, but, the clincher is that he's only a few years younger than my dad.
Age aside, you've never met him before.
He's 'and older man online.' - No smoke without fire huh? We've ALL reda the stories.
It's your virginity.
Key word being YOUR.
Hope this is helopful honey.
Message if you want to chat about it (:
x
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Why do men find taking a girls virginity so appealing grr!
When I was 18, my first was with somebody older, he was 29. At the time people were surprised that I was with somebody older.
I remain open minded about age differences. However, he is way to old, and I don't like it that he has kids. You cannot have that much in common with a guy who has kids, when you are so young and have not.
No too much of an age gap!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): First the truth is you dont sound sure of this decision so you should consider the consequences. This man has children probably your age and that you should consider. Losing your virginity is something precious to you if you are still a teen who has not lost it so think about whether you really feel something for this man or you just want to experience it for his needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): I say dont do it ... its sounds dodgy love
I met my older boyfriend online but he didnt go on about taking my virginity!!
Be careful what you do - ultimatly its your choice but if he's a decent guy then he'll take you out, wine you and dine you and spoil you.
Date him 1st and then see how you feel.
Hope everything is ok xx
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (9 February 2008):
Your virginity is not something to be taken but rather a rare gift that you can only give once and which should be given to someone very special to you.
His behaviour towards you is certainly objectionable and may well be illegal. Go to your parents and the police because I am sure that he is a pervert who preys on young girls. At least if he goes to jail other girls can be protected.
Do not believe anything he says because what he has said by itself is clearly not trustworthy.
Run run run like hell to keep away from him.
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A
female
reader, just-ask-xx +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Ok, 41? How about not? That is just pervy..not trying to sound harsh but eww, you're a virgin and you should wait for the right guy, that way you won't go wrong, the guy you trust and love, and it wouldn't hurt if he was around your age either! A few years, nothing. But 25? Hun, think about what you're doing, he may have given you confidence, but trust me, you owe nothing! Do not do it, please, otherwise I will be really upset he took advantage. My little sister (who actually asked a question on here about online dating without my knowledge) is only 13 and this 17 year old tried to...well you get my drift, luckily, she escaped and so can you, I understand you're legally of age, but he was too, 25 YEARS AGO!!!!
Take care hun and take my advice, dump him, stop talking to him just get out!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): This is easy to answer -DON'T DO THIS! If you have to ask strangers for the answer you know deep down in your heart it's not right.Please don't meet this man who is only taking advantage of your youth and insecurity--you will grow up to realize your full worth and an encounter like this will only lead to regrets if not personal danger!
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (12 January 2008):
 Hun, don't get drawn into his trap. If he cared about you, he would leave you alone and realise that you're out of bounds.
He's only after one thing. And you DO NOT want to be his bit on the side... God knows what he'd do to you if you decided to meet up with him. DO NOT RISK IT. You have no idea what kid of plans this guy will make if you say yes to meeting him.
For your own sake, meet someone who'll care about you and not just wanna meet up with you to take your virginity. Let someone you KNOW and CARE about who is more your own age take it.
You will regret this if you go to meet him. He's WAYYY out of line. Don't let him use you.
Find someone who'll respect you and forget about him, no matter how nice he suddenly turns out to be. Do NOT trust him.
Do your parents know about this guy???
Take care. Please take the advice of all of us. Don't meet this guy. He's up to no good for sure.
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): One way or another... if you have to think about it, consider it, and have ANY misgivings whatsoever... it is NOT the right thing to do.
You'll find someone someday, the pieces will click and you won't even have to think... it'll just feel right.
So give the pervert a miss and block every contact you have with him forever.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): Umm, I did not read all of the other posts, I am sure they were from people who were just as alarmed as I am by your question.
First off, in the US, a 41 year old man, grooming and seeking sex online with a 16-17 year old is a FEDERAL offense, if convicted he will go on a national list as a sex offender.
This guy is a sick criminal, no normal 41 year old man would say these things to you, no normal guy would ever suggest taking your virginity without ever meeting you and typing to you over a chat line.
You would be best served by stopping your habit of using chat lines to meet men or people in general...this is a very dangerous venue as the lure of anonymity lures sickos to take advantage of young impressionable and vulnerable people like yourself.
Tell your parents about this man, as well as your local authorities (police), this man is a danger to you and other young girls, he ought to be arrested for his crimes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): Sweetie pleeeeease don't go and meet this guy, he could be anybody!Hang on, you're going to meet someone really lovely and probably sooner than you think as 17 - 21 are such amazing fun years!I was also a size 14 at 17 and it worried me but your confidence will grow as you blosson into a young woman. 14 is a lovely size, not to mention 1 size less than the average size of most ladies! You're young and beautiful and you have your whole life ahead of you!I would focus on going out and making friends and when you least expect it you'll meet someone who you can get to know properley rather than online!Loads of love and keep your chin up! x x x
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A
female
reader, Addie  +, writes (11 January 2008):
 NO!!! Look I'm speeking as someone your own age. No!!! He sounds sick! You need to tell him no. because your virginity is something speciel and you don't need to loose it to some sick-o-. And like others have said he's probly lying about alot! And what would you do if you got pregnat? And what if your friends found out? Just don't do it. Please don't do. Tell him no. And he asks why all you say is no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no....you get my point. No matter what he says, please don't. You may not mind now but i'm telling you, you will regret it later. If you need to talk more message me. Love lots Addie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): it is 100% not the right thing to do
please please stop talking to him
its good that u have confidence, and ur figure sounds lovely, but u dont want it used by a pervert
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (11 January 2008):
This is NOT a good idea!
On the physical side of things he may indeed be able to give you a comfortable, pain-free, experience of first intercourse. He may feel guilty over a poor performance with another virgin in his past and wants to prove that he can do better.
But if your first time was only about physical sensations you'd do just as well with a nice sized carat from your local grocer.
It's not just the age difference - though that itself is a problem.
It's not just his divorce and family - though that itself is a problem.
It's not just the lack of shared experience and emotional connection between the two of you - though that itself is a problem.
It's not just that he has as much as told you "this is only sex for the sake sex" - though that itself is a problem.
It's all of these things acting together to compound the problem.
I understand you are not satisfied with your appearance. Few of us are REALLY happy with how we look. (I received a pair of trousers for Christmas - waist size 36. On a 6'2 man's frame, a 36" waist is NOT fat! But I've worn 34 for over 25 years. OK, all of my 34's are tight and I can hardly fasten the top on most of them, but getting those "fat boy" 36" trousers still felt like an insult rather than a gift.)
But you need to look around you some more. Look at other couples. Not necessarily your friends at school, but rather couples who have been together for decades. Maybe even couples your parents' age!! If you are honest, you will see that satisfying relationships happen to attractive people and unattractive people, fat people and skinny people, tall people and short people, curly haired people and bald people, even smart people and dumb people. Look at some of these folks and ask, "What did he/she ever see in her/him?". Then - if you are brave and intelligent - ask that question of the couples themselves. Only don't put it exactly that way - instead, ask how they met and got together. Believe it or not, old married people LOVE to answer that question! By listening - really listening - to their answers you will get help
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): He's been grooming you. Do not feel that because he has made you feel a little better about yourself that you owe him anything. You don't.
I think deep down you know that having sex with him isn't the greatest idea in the world.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): To repeat what the others have said, NO, NO, NO and NO. This is not what is good for you. If you want to loose your virginity, do it with someone close to your age. Someone who you can relate to and who will try to be good to you. Someone who you know and can trust. Hopefully, also someone who you at least have some affection for.
Meeting this man and having sex with him will make you feel very hurt after it happens. You will wonder why you did such a thing with a stranger. My wife even had these feelings when she was in her 30s and had sex with men her own age who she had just met. This is the best that will happen. If you are lucky, he will just want sex with you. However, he could have much more in mind. He could beat you, or worse. Not only should you wonder if this is the right thing to do, but you should also be very worried and scared about what could happen.
As someone else suggested, you should tell a trusted adult or parent about this. This man is dangerous to you and anyone like you.
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A
male
reader, BadVoice +, writes (11 January 2008):
NO! Don't do this to yourself. I'm 48 and if he really meant anything, he would wait till your 18 and at least let you find someone your own age. I crave younger girls too!, but this is not the right thing to do. Save your virginity for later and hopefully someone around your own age. I personally do not believe this guy is being truthfull with you. It's called 'game' in my circle of friends. He got game and you're the prey. Why don't you cut this creep out of your life? I know he makes you laugh, I know he says all THE RIGHT THINGS, but you need to cut this guy loose before you get your feelings and emotions hurt. Just my opinion
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A
female
reader, Landie  +, writes (11 January 2008):
 Don't even think about meeting him. I chat on chat-sites alot and have met many weird ppl. Even ppl who have asked to marry me.
Its easy to lie on the internet and good chance he is lying. You can keep chatting to him but what eva you do don't meet him especislly for sex.
Trust me its happened to me. One guy even started treatening me and telling me he knows my parents just coas I did not send him naked pics of myself. In the end I had to tell him I would tell the captain of the police here(who is friends with my mom just to get rid of him). So if he does get freaky theaten to call the police
Good luck
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (11 January 2008):
You have a feeling in your gut that having sex with him isnt the right thing to do...listen to it! Because it is dead right. Usualy when your gut tells you something, its right. Dont make the same mistake as myself, and have sex with a guy when your gut tells you its a bad idea, because you will regret it. Listen to it. And trust your instinct.
Please listen darling, this isnt the right thing to do!!! Please don't meet up with him, I think you will regret it. Sex is something special, something you should only do with someone when you are in a long lasting loving relationship I beleive. And you arent in that with him.
You are young and he knows that young girls are easily manipulated itno things. Dont you think its a bit strange that a 40 year old guy would want to have sex with a girl your age? Why cant he find someone his own age? You know why he is targeting you and not a 40 year old woman? Its because he wants someone who can pressure and manipulate into doing what HE wants. A mature woman probably woudlnt let that happen, so hes going for a young girl like yourself. I know he says that he will let you take your time and so on, but that doesnt make it right either. A 40 year old and a 17 year old having sex isnt right no matter what. You will be the one to get hurt.
I know he makes you feel good about yourself and gives you confidence, but that doesnt mean he cares or loves you. He is 'grooming' you, and thats what internet pedophiles do, they make their target feel really good about thereself, they boost their confidence and so on, to make them like them.
Ask yourself what sex means to you. Does it mean love? If so, then this guy is clearly not someone you should have sex with because he doesnt love you and you dont love him. Even if he was to say he loves you, he would probably be lieing because it seems to me all he has in mind is sex!
You are so young and so precious, you deserve a lot more then a 40 year old guy who just wants a young and easily manipulated girl.
Block him from contacting you on the internet and dont talk to him again. I would also like to suggest you tell a parent or trusted adult, espcially if he knows where you live or where you go to school etc...
You dont need his words to make you feel good. Find other ways to feel good about yourself. Better yet, find someone closer to your age to give you reassurance.
Hope this has helped, if you want to chat, feel free to private message me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): Hunny,
No! No! No! This man sounds extremely dangerous to me sweetheart, You have been talking to him and slowly he has been getting all sorts of imformation out of you please please dont meet up with him and I am sure any of the other aunts will agree with me here, He wants to take your virginity how many other young girl does he prey on.
There is nothing wrong with your figure my friend is a size 14 and she is absolutly stunning I wish I had a beautiful figure like that love. You have to understand there is nothing wrong with you anyway that you are lovely the way you are and please dont let this man talk you into anything he is not right he should be reported! You are talking about your virginity wouldnt you much prefere to keep yourself for a b/f that really cares for you, Not some creep who preys on young girls please hunny I cant say it enough dont do it dont go and I advise you not to speak with him again PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (11 January 2008):
 "at first he used to annoy me but now he is easy to talk to and a right laugh.
he is very forward though and has never hid the fact that he likes me. he has given me confidence about my hourglass size 14 figure and made me feel good about myself.
i'm 17 he is 41, divorsed with kids. he now wants to meet up in a hotel somewhere and take my virginity. he is talking about all the things he wants to do to me and how i can take my time and everything and he will bring protection. but am not sure this is the right thing to do.
You've got reason to be unsure. THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO. What is a 41 year old, divorced man with kids doing chatting to you in this manner? You're probably around the same age as his kids!
My advice to you is, whilst flattering to have someone make you feel good about yourself, you're worth more than some dirty fling in a hotel. Sounds to me like this guy has got some issues of his own and, proabably, loves the thought of taking your "innocence".
Cut ALL contact with the man and leave it well alone. Ok, you might feel low about yourself but how are you going to feel if you go through with this seedy plan of his?
I'd say you'd feel WORSE. Perhaps even DIRTY and USED. Afterall, no matter how you dress it up, this is a sick fantasy of his.
The fact you're unsure about this says to me there is doubt there in your mind as to whether this is right. I may be wrong. Losing your virginity is a big step. Do you really want it to be with some 41-year-old man in a cheap hotel? Or would you rather wait until you've met someone who makes you feel good and you're comfortable with?
DON'T DO IT. SHOW YOURSELF SOME RESPECT. CUT ALL CONTACT AND TELL HIM YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
IT IS WRONG.
YOU WILL REGRET IT!
I wrote an article which I think, whilst it's about dealing with a break-up, has some good points about how to make yourself feel good about yourself. Take a look and see what you think:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
Best of luck :)
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (11 January 2008):
 hey i'm 25, want me to take your virginity off you hands?
Well, you're 17, and incourageable.
do you know for a fact he's divorced?... because chances are.. he's still married.
i would honestly say no. its sketchy at best and a little creepy. I hate to say it but when a guy wants to get laid he will say what ever it takes to get you in the sack.
Yes i'm sure you do have a stunning figure. you're 17 of course you do.
But it is up to you. my advice is don't do it.
if you do. bepreapred that he is Still married ( no matter what he says) Make sure you're on the pill before you do anything with him. Your first time should be something special.. not something sleezy in a dodgy hotel
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): Tell him to get lost and dont even get involved in this creep. Run like hell.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Mistify +, writes (11 January 2008):
 You are not sure if this is the right thing to do, because it is the most horribly WRONG thing to do.
Don't waste your virginity on this pedophile. Not only is it illegal, but just generally SICK.
There are plenty other guys (closer to your age) who would LOVE your size 14 hourglass figure (trust me, i've been there)
You know the answer, so take your own advice...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): a big NO. he is complimenting you and making you feel good about yourself because he wants to 'take your virginity'.
You will end up feeling much worse when he has had what he wants and you are just used.No hurry - you will meet someone YOU choose in your own time
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