A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, here is the deal. I am in college, but right now I am on winter break. My sister, still in high school, and I went to go watch her boyfriend in a school performance. The teacher I used to have a crush on was there. I gave up on anything happening between us. He is married and I don't want that bad karma sitting with me. But, gosh I feel a spark between us. When my sister and I sat down, I was looking around the room. She then said, "He just checked you out." I just tried to ignore him though, because I really don't want to do anything about it. Later, when I was in conversation with a few other people, he poked my arm a couple times and said hi/how are you, smiling. It was like he was a little boy trying to get my attention, because I was ignoring him. I try so hard, but I feel like there is this force between us. How do I tell myself no, even when my heart is saying yes?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): Hello all,
I need your help and I have to admit being so much confused.
Since a year or more, I am talking to a guy on net. He is decent and kind, educated and has a good job in another country, where he lives with his wife and 2 babies. We started talking by him telling me that he is bored with his wife because she is living with her parents due to some responsibilities and he cant bear this any more and he is planning to divorce her. I was so upset with this and I felt I have to help him somehow to save his marriage and I started being an angle and every day we talked for hours and I tried to indirectly tell him how important the marriage life is. I explained to him for hours that his wife needs to stay with her mom because she needs her at the moment and his wife cant say NO to her mom who was about to die. talking. We exchange photos, we updated our life and work stuff by sharing new points together. He is asking my opinion for every tinny thing. He is asking me even what he wants to eat and what is he wearing at work for the day.
I am also attached to him. When he is at work, we both chat, then when he goes home, he logs into his email and we keep chating for hours. I asked him manytimes, and he said his wife is sleeping. He cares for me a lot by asking about me, my family and all those tinny details that he keeps worrying for , and so do I .
I sometimes feel like he loves me. He remembers small things related to me and he is reminding me of those things I many times forget. He remembers what I told him last month and he is trying to do things that will make me happy. For example, he knows that I am sad today, and he sends me a funny video and so on .
We are very polite . Very very polite, we do joke but never say a thing that can be considered flirt. I some times call him names, but he is always respecting. I feel like I love him , it is just sometimes. When I talk, he keeps waiting and keeps saying that he missed me. Many times, I feel like he cares for me as a good friend or as a sister, but sometimes I feel like he loves me other then that, why would he leave his wife sleeping and chat with me, while we were chatting almost for 2 hours during the day. But he never mentioned divorce again. He never called me although he has my phone number. But, he is always with me, and I am confused. He is working so hard all day long and at night, when he finished dinner , he is again with me, and laughing at my stupid stories.
He is sharing with me his school stories, his crushes and love letters and all. He is honest and always try to be speaking the truth. I don’t know what is this. I am getting attached to him and I don’t want to be in a confusing situation. Please someone give me an idea about this. MUCHHHHHHHHHHH APPRECIATED.
A
female
reader, MrsTetzlaff +, writes (26 December 2010):
Stay away from married men. Trust me, they have no good intentions. Unless of course they get divorced. But, I just don't believe in getting married to someone who has been divorced. It's just a bad seed waiting to be watered and ruin your life.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (25 December 2010):
 Congratulations on taking a moral stand even when tempted. Just keep looking for support in your decision, which, as others have pointed out, is right. Also, stay out of any situation in which you and he might be together and you will succumb to more temptation.
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A
female
reader, swordandredrose +, writes (23 December 2010):
I really admire the fact that you don't want to ruin his life. Again, I think you should think about that bad karma. Just think of it this way: what if you were his wife and a young girl was trying to steal your husband from you?
Just ignore him and try to find someone else. I'm sure you don't want to ruin his life. He is MARRIED!! And plus, if it looks like he is cheating on his wife, there is a BIG chance that he is going to cheat on ANYONE, including YOU!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 December 2010):
 You still have a crush on the teacher, stay away from him and it will fade. I guarantee it's all one sided.
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A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (21 December 2010):
So you are really moral, and that is very nice, but in fact his marriage, if he initiate (!) anything with you, is not your problem.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 December 2010):
Because by saying yes, he could wind up fired and you will be made a homewrecker and laughing stock. As the others have said, there are lines you can't cross. A girl I knew crossed this line, and it pretty much ruined her life.
Your heart might say yes, but the collective sound of common sense says no. Don't crap up your life for a married man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Unless you want to get into an affair with a married man who has a wife and maybe a kid or two and a pet dog and a nice home somewhere...I wouldn't get entangled with a man who is not available fully to you. Think about it...would you want to be the one to break up a family? I know I wouldn't. I too was infatuated with a teacher when I was in highschool...but then again, so were a few other girls as well. There are also other priests and pastors that I was also infatuated with but then again...I realized that these men, including the teachers are not available. They are there for teaching. He may have been trying to say "hi and how you doing" to you and that may just be it, but if you are looking to find someone to start a relationship with, look at your college, church, work or through a friend but not a married man.
It's not a bad thing to be attracted to an older man, but at the same time, an older married man? I wouldn't cross that line. There is someone out there for you who is fully open to you whole heartedly. A man who wants you and only you...a man who is not married.
Honey, there is someone for you out there. He's out there and he's very much single and very much someone that can fulfill you. It will sometimes take time, but he is out there waiting for you. You don't know, when you go back to your highschool reunion...you don't know if there's that one guy who has suddenly blossomed and has the courage to now ask you out. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaptainObvious +, writes (21 December 2010):
 You don't have to say anything.
Just don't go back to her school.
He's married, he's a teacher, it's unlikely that anything will happen unless you create the situation.
Don't do it.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Listen, there are some lines you just shouldn't cross.
Physical attraction is fine, harmless even - but this guy is married! Be honest with yourself and think about what you would get out of a relationship with him? It would be nothing more than sex and could never be any more than that.
Admire him from afar, enjoy the fact he finds you attractive BUT leave it at that. Your head should always come first - your heart doesn't know right from wrong.
Good luck.
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