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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm basically just curious I’ve only slept with a few people and tend to do things I don’t want to, to avoid making a scene... I guess. It's just a few general questions about sex and what other people think. You don’t have to answer them all, anything’s appreciated.1) If you're spitting after giving head, surely it's really awkward if you leave straight away and spit in the bathroom or you stay in the room and I can't imagine that’s a pleasant sight... What do people do? 2) (For guys) why do guys like cumming on girl’s faces? And what do the girls do once that's done?3) When you've finished does the guy get rid of the condom? 4) My boyfriend wants to give me anal, I'm not sure... he's fine to wait and let me do what i feel is right. Does anyone recommend anal? or have they had a bad experience? Thanks everyone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): I am going to come straight out with it!!
I think you need to question your relationship. I cannot comment too much as I don't know the ins and outs and some guys would like to try everything with their special girl as a learning curve (this is normally for two virgins or inexperienced couples) but he might be giving off signs you need to be aware of.
Of course, from your question I cannot judge his attitude, behaviour or intentions... but these sort of guys typically turn out to be wife beaters (if exclusive) or wannabe players just using you.
My comments to your questions:
1) You make it sound you have some experience of it but are unsure. Its a girls prerogative to whether she spits or swallows or do oral at all... My comments on this is if you wont swallow for him then you don't love or trust him. Sometimes swallowing cum is easier than spitting.
The art typically is not to taste it. The first tip is to be quick. The second is to layer on saliva as the base coat and let the cum get on top (acts as a barrier between your taste buds and the cum). Take practice, and experience, but (while avoiding choking) get loads of saliva ready... open your mouth just as he is about to cum (if you misjudge then no worries) then once deposited swallow straight away.
2) This is derogative - guys doing this just to copy porn
3) condom is on him - its his duty. otherwise, he see you as a slave
4) anal? I bet you haven't done that many positions together!! before you do anal at least explore half the (vaginal) sex positions!!
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 1) I don't really care, but I do find it a bit of a turn on if she were to spit it out in front of me.
2) Not all guys like that. It's mostly a porn thing. Some reasons why guys like it are porn, dominance, acceptance, and they just do. Once it's done you go clean up.
3) Yup.
4) No experience there. Only do it if you want to, and when you think you have enough lube, use a little more.
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A
male
reader, Donealot +, writes (6 January 2011):
First off, nothing in your questions is 'out of bounds' or abnormal.
Secondly, is it that you are being 'forced' or is it that you just don't know the SoP (standard operation procedure)? You may feel as if you are doing something unnatural and being 'forced' because you want to fulfill what the guy thinks is SoP. So you don't let the guy down but in the end you did something you didn't know if you wanted to to or not in the first place. So... awkward.
Third, only you can decide what the SoP is for vaginal, oral and anal. This SoP should be based on a combination of what your lover wants and (mainly) what you prefer.
1. My advice would be not to leave but to do it in front of him. Some guys like seeing the cum spit back out afterwards, others do not. But at least you will get some feed back from him. It'll make figuring out the SoP easier.
2. Facials are fun. I like to cum on my significant other's small of the back, shoot it down the middle of the spine, feet, tits, ass, face... uhm.. yeah. Anyway, it is never, ever, meant to be degrading. Cuming on specific spots of your lovers body is one way of showing appreciation for that part.
Oh yeah, once he is finished, grab a towel and wipe off. Done. If he really enjoys it, let it stay on there for a few moments to let him admire you. Then wipe it off.
3. Yes
4. Go for it. But make him realize upfront that it will be a lot of work on his part to make that happen. Start off slow, lots of lube and only one finger... while he is doing his best oral. If he is gentle, pays attention to your reactions and uses lots of lube, then it should feel great. Only after a few times of this should another finger be introduced. Keep working with ever increasing sized objects until you reach something in his size range.
If you are worried about fecal matter, take an enema. Not a "Fleet" enema or one of those cheap hanging bag type. Use a quality 'Shower enema'. They are more comfortable and the experience is much more enjoyable. Do this at least 3-6 hours prior to the actual act.
Anal, being done correctly from the start, can be one of the most fulfilling acts in sex. This is because of the trust and communication that inherently goes with anal.
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A
female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (6 January 2011):
Honey, you need some convidence and a sence of self worth. I don't do anything listed in your questions, never have and never will and I'm confident that my partner accepts me as I am. If he can't, he knows where the door is!!!!!
Find your back bone girl and flex some authority for a change. Your body belongs to you and those you choose to accomadate needs to know and respect your boundaries. Partnered sex is a privilidge not a right and coercing someone to get their way ( knowing they are weak and will give in rather than make a scene ) is explotative and violating.
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A
male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (6 January 2011):
 1) communicate with your partner - only do what you are comfortable with, but even providing them options as to their preference that is within your boundaries. Getting up to go spit isn't a bad thing persay, but if it makes you uncomfortable, then the dribble or the tissue would make good sense if your comfortable with that as well.
2) I don't know any guys that like to do the facial thing. I personally think that it is a little bit demeaning, but that's my personal view. If you feel that way too, don't let them do it.
3) Either way, but I think it's more comfortable for the guy to remove it and get rid of it.
4) Do you enjoy anal stimulation or are you at least curious about it? ONLY if you are, then I suggest easing into it. As in, starting with cunnilingus that dips down a bit and a little bit of finger play - only go as far as you are comfortable with, but you definitely want to lead up to the penis and something as large as that. Lube is key and you have to be very relaxed. It can hurt and if you don't like it, don't do it. Some girls find it stimulates their g-spot indirectly and enjoy it - others don't really like it and if you don't like it, just don't do it.
Most importantly - please don't do anything that you aren't comfortable with or aren't willing to try just not to make a scene. I know that you are trying to be accommodating, but it is most important to accommodate yourself and your own needs and boundaries.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (6 January 2011):
 1. You don't HAVE to let your partner climax inside your mouth. Yes, guys enjoy it, but you shouldn't ever feel like you are being forced to. If you are okay with it, there are a couple ways to do it. One is to quickly run to the sink and spit it out, another is to be creative and lightly stroke him while letting it dribble out of your mouth back onto his penis. But again, don't feel pressured into doing something you don't want to.
2. Not all guys enjoy this. Honestly, it's a power thing. I'm not the type who looks down on people judging because I think I'm so much better than everyone.... but the truth is cumming on a girl's face is degrading to her. It's done in pornos, so guys tend to want to copy that. The difference is, girls in those pornos let it happen because they are getting paid a crap load of money to do so. Your girlfriend or wife isn't being paid and you shouldn't want to "dominate" her unless she enjoys it and asks for it.
3. There's no official rule here, but generally the guy gets rid of the condom. Unless it comes off for whatever reason or is still inside his partner.
4. Anal is another tough topic. Just like facials, anal is highly popularized by porn. And honestly, it's another domination/power thing. Yes, there are women out there that enjoy it. And the excuse given by men is that it's really tight. But the truth is there's a small, sick part of men that enjoys his partner being in some pain and not really wanting it done to them.
You should never just do things not to make a scene. Sex should be with a partner you trust. At that point it's not "avoiding a scene" it's doing things each of you like. There's even some experimenting going on. If you both of you want to try anal, fine. But you do it slowly. But if you are pressured into anal you don't fully trust, he's just going to do it for HIS pleasure... not both of you.
Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. If he has a problem with you having an opinion and feeling then he may not be the guy for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): Do what you think is the best.
1)Kleenex or trash can or just got to the bathroom= there is nothing wrong about doing that.
2)Well I do like it but it differs for other guys and my girlfriend goes to bathroom to clean up.
3)He should since hes the one wearing it :). Again anotherbperfect use of trash can.
4)I really like anal sex and my gf enjoys it too. I came up with the idea ,but she the one that decided that we are going to do it. It should be your choice. If you don't feel comfortable with it then just don't do it. And also he should know how to do it so it won't hurt you.
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A
male
reader, Itsjustflirting +, writes (6 January 2011):
 I agree with the one persons suggestion of increasing communication. Experiencing these things should be fun, not worrisome. You need to say no if something makes you uncomfotrable.
As for your questions
1)Just spit it back on his "unit" and clean up after. Keep water nearby for rinsing.
2)Cumming on a girls face is not hot in my opinion and seems like a way to degrade the girl.
3)Usually the guy will handle the condom.
4)Anal takes more than just jamming it in there. It could hurt you. Unless he is extremly small, you may want to experiment with lube, using fingers or toys first. Read up on it on the web.
I would suggest to you...tell him you don't feel comfortable doing this stuff. If he doesn't like that and respect your thoughts, find a new boyfriend who will.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (6 January 2011):
 1) Keep a trash can close or a kleenex on hand
2)Personal preferences. I do not like that, I think it's gross, but some people out there thoroughly enjoy that sort of thing. Depends on the person.
3)The guy can get rid of the condom or the girl can, usually the guy does.
5)If you are unsure or uncomfortable don't do it. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that you don't want to, especially sexually. Some people really enjoy anal sex and other people are repulsed by it, it really depends on the person.
I think you need to start doing what you enjoy in the bedroom and stop putting on airs to avoid a scene otherwise you aren't going to enjoy your sex life because you are doing it to please someone else. You both should enjoy sex and when you both do, the sex is sooooo much better.
Find out what makes you happy, sexually and go with that. Explore. Don't settle.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 1) Keep a Kleenex at hand .
2) Yes,of course
3) You are gonna have a variety of responses because basically sex is all about personal preferences, there is no " one size fits all". Some women like it, some hate it.
The point is : start doing what YOU want and desire, not what other people "recommend". Particularly if these people are a bunch of well meaning strangers like us Dear Cupiders. Well meaning yes, but still total strangers and
unaware of what your body feels wants and craves.
Are you curious about anal, are you excited at the idea, does it turn YOU on ? Then, when you feel ready and not sooner, try it.
Is it something you can easily live without, would you do it just for your boyfriend,to make him happy or to keep him quiet ? Then don't do it. Sex should never feel like an ordeal or a test.
Btw, it's very normal having doubts and insecurities about sex matters, at your age and even later, but I am a bit surprised you felt you can't ask these questions to your boyfriend. Perhaps you need to work a bit on improving the communication beteen you ?...
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 WOW, first things first, don't ever be forced into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing. If your boyfriend is going to make a scene because you won't do something, then he needs to go if he can't respect your wishes.
1. With regards to spitting, maybe have an empty mug on standby to spit in to (and a drink to hand as well to take away the taste afterwards) Some women tend to swallow as it's a natural reaction.
2. I don't think i could ever let anyone cum on my face, to me that's disgusting. If you were to try it, make sure you have some tissue/toilet roll to wipe it off, then wash your face after.
3. In my experience the guy usually gets rid of the condom yes. But it's handy for us to know how to do it properly too.
4. Anal is mainly pleasure for the man, as your anus is a lot tighter than your vagina. This can potentially be very painful for a woman, even if plenty of lube is used and the man takes it slowly. It can create a bit of a mess to, men seem to think that anal will be like it is in porno's.... unless their gf's get colonic irrigations on a regular basis, i seriously doubt it'll be like it is in the porno's!!! I have done anal before, and to be honest, it's not my cup of tea.
Remember, don't be pushed into doing anything you don't want to do. If your bf is prepared to wait for anal (that's if you choose to give it a try) then he can wait for other stuff too. My ex virtually begged me to give anal a go for almost 2 years!!
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