A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I need help. I had to divorce a man I love still becasue he was bi polar and refused to get help, I did everything iun my power for years to help him. Even our priest said to me I am surprised you are still trying to help him . When he was in episodes I would be scared for my life. When he was even keel, he was the most amazing man in the world. The last eight years have been very hard trying to keep a roof over my daughters head and trying to keep our lives stable. I am still hurting from this divorce, as I have yet to meet a man that compares to the man I married.. There were times I thought I could not go on.. My problem is the ex and his family hate me, because I initiated the divorce. My nine year old told me a week ago that Dad and his family hate me.. I have never spoken a negative word of her dad or his family. I did explain about the bi polar as he has her alot and I want her to keep her eyes open. Since my daughter has been born, all my time is devoted to her and helping her to have the best life possible. The problem is the exs family continues to hate me and blame me for his illness and the divorce since I initiated it. I have tried to do nice things for them i.e. when the mother had cancer I sent a large bunch of flowers , and many other n ice things. To present both sides, when the ex was in episodes the mother battled me when I tried to get him help. I was often the scapegoat and tgension woudl arise between us and mean things would be said when there was stress, out lives were falling apart, our marriage, his job, our family etc.... I am hurt that the ex and his family hate me so much that my daughter knows this. I am a hard worker, moral, super caring mom.. I always put my daughters needs first. Why am I being treated this way?I feel this was all so undeserved as I always try to do the right thing in life and now I am single, lonely and see my life as being alone forever..
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female
reader, supermum  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Is there any way a friend of yours, or you parents could transport your daughter between you so you do not have any direct contact with him of the family? Also, while he is going through the depressive stage, contact should be supervised for the safety of your daughter. xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI stayed for years once I learned of the illness. It cycled every five or six years and then would be a nightmare, hallucinations,hearing voices, bizarre behavior etc.. What I did wrong was I said mean things when I was trying to get him help and his family was accusing me of the problem. I feel very bad about that but I was under tremendous stress. IU was supporting the family, had a baby, trying to keep our lives from falling apart.. I do feel bad for saying things out of stress. I told the priest that and he was very understanding..The ex has been verbally abusive to me for years..I feel bad that my daughter knows they hate me. I know she loves me however. I have tried to turn this into a life lesson for her that if we have a mental or physical problem that we get help. The other day she said if I get bi polar I am going on medicine as long as it is not in the liquid form of my antiobiotic as that tastes horrible. I was so proud to hear her say that...
I have to deal with him alot because of my daughter. I wish I could sever ties but I cannot. Any suggerstions?
Thanks so much!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 February 2010):
The family can't accept that he has a problem, so it's just easier to blame you. That's the reason for all this. I know you'll take it personally, but frankly you're better off just leaving it all in the past and not giving a damn. I know that is very hard for you. But you really are. Anyone else will be able to see that you're a great mother and a great woman who is trying hard. Notice it's only him and his family who blame you? That's because they can't face the truth. It is very sad that it has worked out this way, but there are better guys out there. If your husband had cared, he would have seeked help. If his family were good, the would have helped. Sadly, they're not good. It's not you at all. You're just an easy target. So the best thing you can do is get back out there, make new friends, start a new hobby (my girlfriend swears by dancing, so try that) and just have some fun for yourself. You know that you're a great mum and a great woman. You don't need to convince them, because you've convinced everyone else. Get back out there, meet new people and leave your ex and his family in the past where they belong. It's their problem, not yours .
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (15 February 2010):
Families of those with Bi-polar will be under considerable stress, especially if the person refuses to get help. It seems you have tried everything you can for this man, and that is all you can do. His parents will have known something was wrong, and yes, you were likely the scape-goat because they may have blamed you for him being like he is (it does happen). I wonder if his mum only saw her son as a scared child, who was hurting and his 'nasty old wife' trying to force him to do something he does not want to do.
Unfortunately, people can only get help when they are ready to, and his family will have to be there for him when he realises this. As hard as this may be to take in, he is not your 'problem' (for want of a better word) anymore. You have to try and accept that as much as you have tried to help him, now all you can do is support him whenever you can. His family are being unfair, but i doubt if you will change their minds about you now, they may see it as you dumped him in his hour of need. They have not lived with him for the years you were married ( i presume) so they would not have had to deal with the same things that you have, which will hinder their understanding.
I am so sorry you are in this situation babe, but sleep easy knowing you have done, and will continue to do, the best that you can. hugs. xx
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