A
male
age
30-35,
*amAndJam
writes:Here's the deal i got back from Iraq almost 1 year ago from a explosion in which took my leg off, and left me with bullet holes in my back. I had my leg put back on, but now there is a 10 inch scar going down the right side by my knee and wraps around to the front. On the other side there is a 9 inch straight scar. i have been out with a few chicks, but after they got a glimpse of my back and leg they bolted. My question is, do all woman act and think like they did? and my girlsfriend at the time of the explosion told me i was "damaged" goods and broke up with me. Why would woman do this? i am by no means an emotional man, but it does hurt being made to feel worthless and damaged.
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): HI. Please do not read this the wrong way!!But if things contiune to be difficult with girls, there are decent dating sites that target and specialise in this sort of thing... eg: Women or men who are now fiinding it difficult to date after an accident or have some sort of disfigugurement or other reason. It's a shame people are so ignorant .. but not everyone us Do a search on Google and see if it comes to it. Good luck!! Mx
A
male
reader, RamAndJam +, writes (6 April 2011):
RamAndJam is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni appreciate all your responses. and to the woman who mentioned psychological issue, i was evaluated and deemed in normal conditions. most of the woman that i was "talking to" saw my leg during a Karate fight that they wanted to see. i vary rarely talk about the incident(generally to my brothers in arms), all of the woman have said my leg/ scars were disgusting or gross, and i never told them what exactly happened or what i saw in tour.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 A scar is a physical imperfection same as any other physical imperfection : acne, buck teeth, hair on your back,a beer belly, you name it. Some people will mind, some people won't. Some people will mind a certain imperfection, and not others.My first bf had an extra long scar all down his back , it never bothered me for a sec. But , honestly, I admit I have other deal breakers, or near-deal breakers, in terms of looks. Don't be too quick to label the girls who rejected as shallow superficial and cruel.. We all are , to some extent. Women get rejected all the time because of things like being overweight or having a horsey face. There is not much control we can have over what we feel physically attracted to or repelled by, it's mostly subsconscious. At least, as a first impact: Maybe these girls were offered the chance to see your scars a bit too soon after meeting you. If a woman gets the time to develop feelings for you , and to appreciate all your good qualities, before getting so up close and personal, I think that any physical defect would lose a lot of its relevance.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): Personally, I find scars kind of sexy. In saying that, I don't mean to be trite or belittle the pain you suffered, but really I do! Scars tell stories. It's interesting. Perfection is banal. That's just me, although Im'm sure there are others who feel the same.
How would you feel about a woman with a scar? Before your accident is it the sort of thing that may have put you off a female? What about now? Would you be put off a woman for example if she had acne?
Physical attraction is a shallow way to attach to anyone. Try developing friendships with women you find interesting and kind, then you will have a chance of finding someone who is attracted to ALL of you .
In a nutshell, avoid shallow women who are all about 'looking hot', as they will judge you by their own shallow standards. Find someone real who can see you for the whole complex and intriguing person that you. Someone that will understand and appreciate you. They are out there, don't lose faith.
"Love is friendship set on fire"
Also, you might want to check out this guy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE
...............................
A
female
reader, Luv2giveadvice  +, writes (5 April 2011):
These people are right, there WILL be a girl
who respects and appreciates you, scars and all,
you may just be associating with the wrong type
(dont we all at some stage).
Be patient and hold your head up high.
You will find her, or she will find you!
...............................
A
female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (5 April 2011):
 None of the good women who are worth your time think like that. Trust me. Your scars show people what you've been through, they are a part of who you are. If a guy I loved lost his face in a car accident, I would still love him. You should think of your scars as a blessing, someone who truly loves you isn't going to think twice about them. Don't worry you will find her. Also, I suggest watching the movie "127 hours". It is a true story and I think it will make you feel much better about your situation. I'm sure you hear it a lot, but I never take the men and women in the service for granted.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (5 April 2011):
 First of all, thank you for putting your life on hold, as well as your life on the line to serve and protect the US! That right there makes you a very special and brave young man, and any girl should be proud to go out with you.I'm sorry that you have been so hurt (both emotionally and physically) and I hope that you are healing in both ways.Please know that the majority of women would not be turned off by your scars. If you love someone, truly love someone, you just love them, because you love WHO they are, not what they look like. Your girlfriend and these other girls are young, and immature, and not worth wasting your time with. Please believe me. There are sweet kind women in the world who wouldn't give a second thought to your physical appearance. If you're a good guy (and I'm sure you are!)..they would love you. Please don't second guess yourself, sweetie. You are young, and I'm assuming the girls you dated are too, and unfortunately they are just immature. And also, as Aunty Bam said, its very possible that your ex just couldn't handle what you had been through, she wasn't mature enough, and really couldn't encompass what you went through. Please look at it this way...HER loss, not yours. I want to share a personal experience with you...I dated a man once who had a huge scar on his body..it went from the front of his chest all the way around to his back. He had been in a horrible accident, and almost lost his life. I thought he was the sexiest man I had ever known....it didn't detour me in any way. To me, he was perfect. Beauty IS in the the eyes of the beholder, trust me.You hold your head up high, and be proud of who you are. You're going to make some girl very happy...don't you worry. All the best to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 hi any woman that would treat you like this are the ones who should be called 'damaged' not you! you will meet someone one day who is not shallow and will love you no matter what scars you havebest wishesxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): First of all I think you are so brave, and well done for serving for your country.I also want you to know, that not all women are like that, these women were shallow and imature, and not worth worrying about. These scars on your back and leg certainly wouldnt bother me.I think that was horrible what your girlfriend said, and you're much better off without her. Of course you would feel upset by this your only human.My advice is surround yourself with people that are not shallow are respect you and you will feel better. Don't give up you will meet somebody.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): I'm a lady of 32 years and I think that you have just met the wrong girls i totally agree with the woman below its better if you met a girl and take the time to get to know her and you will be surprised most girls are not like that It wouldnt bother me in the slightest as it matters whats on the inside Take Care
...............................
A
female
reader, based51  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 by 'damaged,' goods she may not have meant your physical injuries.These other girls could have just 'bolted,' because your knowledge of war scared them and not because of the scars or anything. And no, not all girls are like this. I dated someone for a long time who had a huge scar from a sport accident and it didn't bother me at all. I really don't think that for most people it will be about the aesthetic aspect.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Firstly, congratulations to the doctors who managed to save your leg, I have a grandchild, now 7, who has been an amputee since 11 months old, and would say the medical profession are marvels at some of the work they are able to do. I am going to put myself on the line here and say that it might not be the scars that you can see, and are aware of, that are the problem with girls. You list your age as between 18 and 21, and although you have already seen and experienced much that many of us will never experience, no matter how we grow, you are still young in years. So, to answer your question, in a round a bout way, no, not all women run at the sight of physical scars, however, girls in your age group may not be able to cope with the reality of where you have been, and what you have seen and experienced, as a more mature women would. I suggest you seek some counselling to make sure your mental well being is as sound as your physical, ie some scars but on the whole, pretty good. Concentrate on healing, inside and out, and on getting your life back together, and you will find women who see you rather than your scars.Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): I dont have the answer but it is great you have survived and can still walk folowing an explosion, im proud of you. Dont give up, there will be someone who will accept you, keep looking for a girl that loves how you amd maybe not as much as what you look like, as it was not your fault as you risked your life to save the country. Just keep looking, you will find someone. Only a very few women would just look on the outside =D
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): wow im sorry but ur ex gf was rather a bitch there.and no not all think this way, i most certainly dont. My bf has a squint nose and has a little ear he can barely hear out of and that was a birth deformity. Before me many girls would make fun of him and well like u said no-one would give him the time of day but me...I was his friend first and got to know him and in time fell in love with him and couldnt care less about his ear and nose...he gets funny looks but i dont care.Im sure theres a girl for you who can look past those scars and love you for your personality and still be physically attracted to you, so dont let those vain self-centre girls get you down.Btw dont think its an age thing either that older girls will understand and younger ones wont...Im 19 myself =)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): These women arent even worth bothering aboutClearly werent with you for who you are.....thats no what you want you want someone that will be with you with or without your scarsI personally wouldnt care but thats just me I go for who that person is no what they look like etcDont worry youl find someone who appretiates you for youA feel for ye a really do :-/ xx
...............................
|
