A
female
age
30-35,
*iss Misunderstood
writes:There is this guy that introduced himself to me last year and we begun talking and became good friends after a month or two went by. And he began telling me things about his personal life and ask for my advice on things, and I would always try my best to help him because I really enjoy helping others in every way that I can. I of course had no strong feelings toward him at all because I have a boyfriend and was/am not attracted to no other guys BUT him, and I made sure to do my best in reassuring my boyfriend of that. However, my boyfriend was still uneasy about the guy and told me to stop talking to him because he feared he might try to take me away from him. But I couldn't bring myself to do that because I mean, what could I say? "I cannot talk to you anymore because my boyfriend said so"? I just didn't think that would be right to do that to anyone. I just couldn't find it in my heart to be mean to the other guy when he just wanted to be friends and never caused any sort of harm.. and as for my boyfriend, all I wanted was for him to see how much I truly loved him and that he could trust me.. When I told my boyfriend that though, he became very angry at me, and I would settle him down and everything would be fine.. but then he got where he was very irritable all the time for no reason at all and would yell at me and shove me away from him when I tried to hug him and slam doors in my face and I got really depressed and stressed out because I honestly was doing nothing wrong.. gah it eventually drove me so crazy that I just had to speak to someone about it.. but because I am such a shy individual, that other friend I was speaking about earlier was really the only good friend I trusted enough to speak to about the situation.. so I could get someone else's opinion I suppose. I didn't know if the things my boyfriend was getting mad at me about was completely my fault, and if it was, what could I do to be a better girlfriend to him, and stuff of that sort..Well eventually, the guy friend begun saying things like "If I was your boyfriend....." and eventually he even came right out and said that he liked me (more than a friend) but I just said to him that it wouldn't change our friendship as long as he didn't mention it again. He agreed, but then continued doing so almost daily.. and putting my boyfriend down while he was at it.. so I just told him if he didn't stop I would have to stop talking to him all together.. and of course he didn't.. so stopped talking to him. And now for like the past year or so, he's been sending me texts every month saying that he wants to be friends again and that he misses me.. but I just ignore it because my boyfriend says if I talk to him again that he will break up with me, and even after a YEAR has past he is still posting Facebook statuses about me and shows up at our home track meets and stares at me the whole time.. and it's really creeping me out a bit.. I feel bad and want him to be happy and all, but I really just wish he could move on.. I don't know what I should do. :( Any advice?P.S. My boyfriend and I have been having a wonderful loving relationship lately so no worries about that. :) He just acted differently before because he was worried is all, even though he had no reason to be. I would never do anything behind his back.
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male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (5 April 2011):
I agree with the other posters except for the bit about telling your parents to interfere. You're old enough, be serious, I know you don't wanna hurt the obsessed guy but you have to be harsh. Speak strongly: make it clear that he should not bother you again and that you no longer wish to have him in your life. Tell him that he has to realize he is obsessed and that he needs to move on, that nothing has ever been going on between you and him and that you have never even considered leaving your boyfriend. Eventually, he will move on and you will have done a good favour for him.I suggest you keep your boyfriend around, this obsessed guy might want to talk you back so it's emotioanally (and physically) safe to have your man around, maybe not in the conversation, but close. It's hard to explain, but maybe this guy's obsession will make him do very very silly serious bad things... There's always a possibility. GOOD LUCK!
A
male
reader, RamAndJam +, writes (4 April 2011):
guys arent friends with girls unless they want something. this is how it is im my experiences. just let the dude know your done and dont wanna be friends. if that doesnt work block his number. he sounds as if he has become obsessed and what not. also you need to watch the signals you give out because a lot of guys misinterpert them as being a advancement gesture. lastly if i was your BF i would be upset and scared which would come off as being pissed. some guys resort to fight mode in this instance which may have been what you saw with you BF.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 I agree, he sounds creepy, especially if he is still texting and trying to make contact after 12 months.Speaking as a parent, I think you should talk to an older person about this issue, maybe your parents, and ask one of them to approach the creepy one and just have a few quiet words, about stalking and the unwanted attention he is paying to you. That might be all it needs for him to wake up to himself.
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (4 April 2011):
"He agreed, but then continued doing so almost daily.."Well, if you talked with him, and he insisted with that conduct, well, that means that the guy can't hold his word, so you can't trust him. He should have respected your feelings and your relationship, as any gentlemen would."and putting my boyfriend down while he was at it.."He was trying to get his biggest competitor down. That is a very cheap, and I'm glad you didn't fell for it. That friend of yours seems to have other types of problems with his life that he hasn't told you about it. Since he can't compete fairly with your boyfriend, he uses a smear campaign to devalue him, and put himself as a better catch. That is a very childish conduct. Also, he acts very creepy, and I would really stay alert."I feel bad and want him to be happy and all, but I really just wish he could move on.. I don't know what I should do. :( Any advice?"Stablish a no-contact policy. That means, no messages, no emails, no facebook with him, no MSN chatting, no skype, no talking, no him visiting you, nothing. He'll get bored and go disturb some other girl. He have to move on by himself, you are not his mother, and you are not there to solve his problems. Also, even if he tells you that he has questions/problems, just tell him you are busy, and get away from him.I hope this helps.
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