A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm a 17 year old straight girl, and recently one of my male friends, who is gay, was telling me about how it's common for gay guys to have sex with their female friends sort of as 'practice'... He didn't directly ask me but I'm inferring that he was hinting towards that.I'm not sure what to do - I love him as a friend but I don't know how comfortable I'd feel doing this. We're both virgins so it's not like we'd be in particularly different situations - but I don't want to say that directly in case he wasn't hinting towards it. I worry about sometimes getting the wrong impression and he did say something about not making a quick decision. What can I say to him? He is one of my closest friends but I'm just not sure that I'd feel comfortable doing this, any help with what to say to him would be appreciated? Thanks in advancexxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): If you wouldn't entertain this idea with a straight male friend, then don't entertain it from this guy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): It sounds like some kind of scientific experiment. Is that what you really want for your first sexual experience? To be knowingly used? Why are you prepared to use sex as some kind of favour for someone? You have a choice about this - make the right decision.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 Why didn't I think of that line in high school...?!
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A
male
reader, DDOC  +, writes (18 June 2010):
Right. He may be lying. Or he may not. He is a sexual being and some people just want to have sex. With anyone or anything. Please do not go for it. It will ruin your friendship. And it may mess up your self esteem. Step away from the abyss...run!
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A
male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 don't do it. Your first time should be special and with someone you love. Not 'practice'. You don't practice sex. He can practice with a doll if he wants to but it definitlely oversteps boundaries even to hint you that. You deserve better and he's lying if he said that 'it is common'. It is not common, in fact, it's quite the opposite. You should also not do it to keep your respect. Respect is a lot, especially when you're still young and by doing such a thing, it gets tainted.
It's also obvious he's the one giving you these ideas that it's right. Do what in your gut feels right. If it doesn't feel right to you at normal times than it will definitely not feel right if you actually did it. seriously, i can't stress this more, I don't think you should do it. Especially if it doesn't feel alright with you. even if he tries to convince you and you might think 'yeaaa maybe, he has a point', be the smarter one and back away. If you really want to do it, you'd be riding your bike to his house right now instead of writing this message. you're choice in the end but all i'm saying is, follow your heart, don't lose what you can't have back without accepting the concequences. i might overreact now but you'll be happy I did if you were really terribly i doubt :D
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 That's crazy, and he's lying. Why would a gay man want to practice with a woman when he can do so with other men? He could be bi, but he's still your friend and there are complicated emotions involved with anything sexual shared between two friends.
If he brings it up again, explain to him it makes you uncomfortable and you'd rather not go that far.
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A
female
reader, StarburstGrin +, writes (18 June 2010):
 I have so many gay friends and the thought of having sex with a girl disgusts them! That is what being gay is! I don't think he's gay...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): By the way, person12345 may well be right on the money when she says he's just trying to get you into bed and thinks this is the best way to go about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): Go for it if you both want to. Otherwise, don't. The situation isn't really as complicated as you might think.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): You seem like a smart girl, even if he was hinting towards that, would you really want to have sex with a gay man? Do you really want to lose your virginity to an openly gay man who is one of your good friends? Your first time should be with someone who really wants to be with you and you want to be with, rather than as a practicing session with someone you already stated you wouldn't be comfortable with.
Ignore any hinting, it would be best to deal with the situation if he approached you directly. If he does, be honest and ask him why he feels the need to practice, and on a woman? You'll be better friends with an open, frank conversation. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 June 2010):
Say no. A gay man doesn't have sex with woman to practise.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 June 2010):
 I've never ever heard of gay men doing this. How is that practice for a man to have sex with a woman in preparation for having sex with men? Why on earth would you need practice? I have a ton of gay male friends and none of them would ever have sex with a woman for any reason. The closest I've heard was one guy said he loved boobs but most say they are totally freaked out and disgusted by vaginas. Don't say anything to him until he does or you may create an awkward situation if that's not what he meant. I've heard of straight guys saying some crazy things to get a woman into bed, my money's on that. Lots of straight guys have used the line "well I've been out of practice for awhile" or "teach me this" or even "I want to find out if I'm gay" just to try to have sex with me or a friend. Don't fall for it.
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A
female
reader, ctds001 +, writes (17 June 2010):
Hey honey,
Just tell him in general conversation that you are waiting to lose your virginity to the man of your dreams and that you expect to be in a serious relationship before having sex.
Friendship and sex can have devastating results. Tell him you respect your friendship and would not want anything to come between it, especially sex.
Good luck x
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