A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:The other night I was over at my boyfriend's place but since I was on my period we didn't have sex. We still had a good time, went out for coffee and watched a movie. Later in the night I offered to give him a handjob and he said no. His reason was that it doesn't feel as good as when we have sex and he doesn't get much satisfaction out of it. I told him that I felt somewhat rejected by that. He said I was being silly and that there's no reason to feel like that. It was late and we both had to work the next day so I let it go.So, is he telling the truth about the satisfaction bit or is it because I'm crappy at handjobs?Overall he's a really good guy, never 'asks' for sex, respects me a lot and back in the day waited for months for us to get intimate.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): Don't take it personally. I and several of my guy friends, none of us can stand hand jobs, they're too sterile, and I've never enjoyed them, even when I was in my teens and 20's. He's being honest. He just doesn't like hand jobs.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): Don't take it personally. I and several of my guy friends, none of us can stand hand jobs, they're too sterile, and I've never enjoyed them, even when I was in my teens and 20's. He's being honest. He just doesn't like hand jobs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): he just doesn't want a hand job that's all don't take it personally.I find that guys can be like that even my ex- boyfreind was like that- he just wants to be with you and hand jobs are not important matters when it comes to real sexual experience..Sounds like he's not vicey(not body concious but more spiritual conciousness which is actaully a very good thing.
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A
male
reader, Ldu  +, writes (9 April 2011):
BJ's are so much better. If he rejects a blow job then it could be that you're still learning at giving head, handjobs are so boring we can do them ourselves.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Sorry guys but I have to say if you find a girl that gives a good hand job it is better than sex. There's nothing like lying back and relaxing while all of the stroking is done by your girl.My hunch is that you need to work on your hand job technique. Use ennough lube and get his penis and balls good and slippery, then stroke his penis while you massage his balls. That will get him going.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 April 2011):
 I don't particularly like handjobs either. For the reasons stated below, but also a lot of women just don't know how to do them properly and they can actually be painful when done wrong. However, the couple of girls I've been with who actually knew how to give a good one, mmmm, so good.
Don't take it personally. I'm sure he was flattered that you offered, and I'm sure that also made him feel good. It's nice knowing you're desired, and your partner wants to please you. Sometimes that's enough.
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A
female
reader, case.  +, writes (8 April 2011):
 I gave my boyfriend a hand job before and im proud to say he loved it! iv only done it once as he can do it hiself which i see no need it me doing. If i was you i would of asked him if he would like a BJ. boys like them alot better. but it dosnt mean your not good enough,he may not want one or he might just not be ready?
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (8 April 2011):
 I wouldn't take it personally. Hand jobs we can do to ourselves and frankly we're always going to be better at it than anyone else on the planet...
Blow jobs and sex on the other hand...
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A
male
reader, ClearEyes +, writes (8 April 2011):
Tbh, a man can masturbate with his hands, we become so accustomed to the pressure and rhythm that we ourselves create that its very difficult for any girl to replicate it. Offer him a handjob with like baby lotion, that feels a whole lot better, but very very very few girls can give a truly good handjob becasue guys are self spoiled. But yea a handjob isn't quite as satisfying as a BJ or sex because its almost like "I could have done that myself in half the time."
Now you feminists down there could say that its the same thing as a guy fingering a girl, but most girls cannot reach their internal spots simply because of the angle it requires. The two acts are not analogous in that sense.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 April 2011):
 It doesn't mean you aren't any good at it, some men just don't particularly enjoy certain things, no matter how amazing you are at it. No need to take offense towards it.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (8 April 2011):
Hi - firstly is it a big deal if he turned down a hand job? no it isnt.
Secondly - I know from experience that when your girlfriend gives you a hand job its so frustrating because they just cannot do it like you can - just the same as a man trying to masturbate a woman...the man can probably make himself come in a couple of minutes, but it does not feel the same as having sex and will never replace it. A girl giving a hand job is even worse because it can take a while and mostly just over stimulates you
Anyway thats been mine experience on this question.
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A
female
reader, Dragonflycatcher07 +, writes (8 April 2011):
Sounds like my ex. We broke up a week ago and he would always reject me sexually. He was a good guy too, waited when we met, then sex was great, but eventaully things led to where I couldn't even touch his private area like if I was a stranger...it messed with me emotionally like if I wasn't good anough but I stayed because I cared for him. I cheated, we broke up, a year later here I am, things went to how they use to be. I mean if your boyfriend doesn't reject you sexually and if he didn't want a blow job I don't really think it's a red flag. Maybe he just preferred to have sex with you, but you couldn't since of your monthly :)
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A
male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN +, writes (8 April 2011):
 Little bit off topic here but you've said something quite interesting: "he's a really good guy, never 'asks' for sex"
Is that a positive trait of a mans personality? Just curious that's all.
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