A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm having an affair with a married man. Well today his wife caught us in a hotel and called me a prostitute? Then she started fighting my man and in the midst he told her I didn't mean nothhing to him but a prostitute! Wtf?! I'm a mistress! Will someone please explain how he could do this to me?!
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affair, married man, mistress, prostitute Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): I have a mistress and that is exactly what I would have said in the situation. He does not want to lose the wife and half his stuff, If he did he would have left her ages ago. You will always be a mistress and if you are ok with that, then no worries. I know my mistress is looking for a husband and tho I love her and tell her this she also knows i am married and would not leave the wife. Mistress is there primarily for company and sex, and the sex part is a large part of it, it always is.
A
male
reader, JohnnyXXX +, writes (21 December 2010):
I think you're lucky she didn't kill the both of you! Count your blessings and move on
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): i think u are worse than a pro. the reason being that they are just one night stands and take money for what they provide. but u have been giving it for free.i am a wife and i have been through somewhat same situations as that ladty i.e his wife. u know what such girls and women who eye a married man are worthless without any self esteem or diginity - even worse than a doormat which stays out of the door and everyone coming and going dusts his feet on it before entering the house. GET OVER HIM MY GIRL AND BREATHE FRESH AIR FOR URSELF AND THAT FAMILY WHICH U TRIED TO BREAK.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Well, I beg to differ from many of the ladies this time. Not with Tante Victoire (bonjour!).
You, poster, are not exactly doing the right thing, but you're obviously not a prostitute. I don't approve of the way he treated you. I can imagine this was not the kind of names he was calling you only seconds before. We wouldn't be calling you such names if your post said "Help! The bastard didn't tell me he was married. I found out later, but I loved him. Then his wife found us and called me a prostitute!"
He obviously doesn't care much for you, however. So I think you should stop seeing him. If not for the wife, for the fact that you're not worth too much in his eyes. Now that he's shown his true colors, well, off he should go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Sorry, but you are basically an un-paid prostitute. What you really should be concerned about is your own morals and why you are sleeping with a married man.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): He uses you for sex and is lying to his wife to try and save face. Forget this guy he is a loser, move onto someone single you can have a real relationship with. BTW he isnt your man, he is her's legally...if she is smart she will divorce him and then he can really pay hookers for sex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): you are providing what he wants for free so next time tell him the cost of your services. why do you see him as your man?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): In your eyes, you are his mistress. In his eyes you are a free prostitute. Clearly, you are not on the same page as to what is going on between the two of you. I am also a little confused concerning the reference to him being 'your man'.
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male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Very well said, Dear Jilly.
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female
reader, INCREDIBLEME01 +, writes (6 December 2010):
 First I sorry that you are hurting, regardless of my opinion in the matter,I have sympathy for anyone who suffers hurt, even when we make mistakes and bring it on ourselves. Hurt is hurt and is painful to the soul. HER man and she is experiencing it too. However, I think when she thought and called you a prostitute, he wasn't agreeing and saying it so as to call you one literally. I think he was saying it make her think he was only physically betraying and cheating versus having an emotional affair as well, to save himself more trouble with her. Women who willing and knowingly cheat with married men are not necessarily techically a whore or a prostitue, even if called one. You are however, selfish and of low moral fiber or you would never have developed this friendship and allowed it to become sexual. When you first met him, you should have put yourself in his wife's position and thought if you would be ok in what I am sure would be described as only a friend at first except with another woman such as yours, and eventually turned sexual. Personally I do not have one single male friend that would not glady have a romp in the sack if so allowed, but that's just me. I may value their frienship and decided to remain to be friends and not allow them to cross any lines even without coming right out and saying such. They know by my actions and spoken beliefs which may or may not be directed to them specifically that don't particapte in cheaing on or with anyone. Most men stray for physical reasons, and just because they can, and later justify their home life as a reason for doing so. Women that stray or partake in affairs with married men do so for emotional satisfaction, which later becomes sexual, regarless of who initiates the tranision from being friends to the next level being sex. As for how he could do this to you? It is quite simple....your proof he is more worried about getting caught with his wife and suffering the reprecusions of his betrayal,than admitted having an extramarital affair with a woman he develpoed feelings for,respects and loves if so the case. Shows you where his intentions lie, as this confrontation if desired would have been the perfect chance to confess and take the necessary actions to be with you, the easier way out. His lies to you are exposed, and consider yourself lucky you got to hear the real truth about his intentions instead of that bullshit he was probably feeding you without knowing what was true and what wasn't. Run fast, he's a loser, and you are not far behind him. Sorry, the truth can be painful.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Honestly he's the slut and you are his whore.. prostitute is jsut another word. You sound almost proud of being someones mistress... Someones dirty secret, that says a LOT more about you then him.
If you don't WANT to be called bad names, don't do "bad" things... such as... "date" a married man.
PS, he wounds like a REAL winner.... not.
I have no sympathy. Except maybe for the wife, after all, she is married to the pathetic piece of a douche bag. I hope she takes him to the cleaners!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Karma's a wonderful high-riding bitch, don't cha just love her?
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female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Send a bill to his house. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): He chose his wife over you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): To him, you're as worthless as a prostitute.
You're his mistress, did you really expect him to care about you? Move on and regain some pride and dignity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Well said 'YouWish' HE is NOT your MAN in any stretch of imagination. You have willingly become mistress knowing that you are basically there to fulfil this man's extra marital desires, so obviously he has no integrity, then you expect all of sudden for him to show some when his poor wife walks in on you.
As ever HE is getting all the blame, as one poster suggests "a man who is obviously not composed of particularly upstanding moral fibre" Helllooooo....that goes for you too, where do women get the notion that it's the man who lacks any moral or basic standards.
If what he's done needs explaining, then you haven't grasped what a ' mistress' means in the fullest sense. Taken from the dictionary of Cambridge definitions " an adulterous woman; a woman who has an ongoing extramarital sexual relationship with a man who is married, or with a man who is in in a long-standing relationship"
Cheating is never nice, especially for the injured party, and although I appreciate being called a prostitute, when you obviously have feelings for this man, YOU KNEW what you were getting into, his wife did not, and it must be her who gains some support. You had a choice all along.
Please consider what the future holds for YOU, not this man, as no doubt he will try to cover his tracks with his wife to secure the nest once more. Don't waste your life on a man who is not willing to give you 100%, once a man knows you won't hold out for that, ultimately you will never secure that with him.
Learn by this, and make a future for yourself..
Jilly
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): He was in a desperate spot and had to say whatever he needed to. But this will make you think about this whole thing. Perhaps a 'wake up and smell the coffee' moment.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Being a mistress is nothing to be proud of, and really isn't much better than being a prostitute. He keeps you on the side for the sole purpose of his sexual satisfaction, and thinks nothing of reducing you to the status of a prostitute for the sake of covering his own ass. He said himself you mean nothing, right in front of you. Is this really the kind of man you want to be with?
None of this should come as a surprise. He doesn't respect you at all if he's willing to do that, though honestly, I doubt he had much respect for you to begin with. Otherwise, he would've gotten a divorce and gone about dating you properly, rather than see you on the side while still married to his wife. He's not going to leave his wife for you, and even if for some reason he does, he's likely going to do to you exactly what he did to her.
Raise your standards, taken men are not and should never be an option. Don't allow yourself to become a convenience to them, by settling for second best you're teaching them to treat you as such. If you don't respect yourself, others won't respect you either.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 December 2010):
Hi there. He said that to his wife, because he was put on the spot - and nothing more. It's just to cover his movements.
He probably doesn't really think of you as a prostitute, but as a girlfriend. It's natural you would feel insulted though.
Do you really like going out with a married man? It's probably fun of course, but there's no commitment from him beyond your secret meetings.
Wouldn't you like to have a man who could actually commit to you and spend as much time with you, as you wanted him to? Surely you deserve better than this. You are playing second fiddle to his wife.
He cheats on her with you. Then when he goes home to his wife, he is cheating on you. You probably never thought of it that way I guess, did you? Nevertheless, it's the truth.
Have you ever asked him to leave his wife? Or, are you just happy having these brief little interludes, whenever he can sneak away? It's all just sneaking here and sneaking there, all the time. Nothing really substantial.
I'm guessing that you also, have to stay quiet about who you are dating, to your family. You probably have to tell some little white lies about who he is. Do you really like doing that?
I'm sure you'd like to be able to invite him to family outings, and perhaps Christmas and New Year's Eve as well. No doubt, he will almost certainly be spending them with his own family. This would make it a very lonely time for you, because of that.
Don't you think it would be nice to have a guy who was yours completely, and devoted to you. Also knowing he was someone you could trust.
With a married man, you could never trust him. You might never know this, but it's possible he could not only be cheating on you with his wife, but he might also be seeing other women besides you. He also might not too. The truth is, you would probably never know it.
Just some food for thought. Best wishes.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 December 2010):
 I'm really sorry to say this but there is not much difference between being a mistress and a prostitute - except you give your body away for free rather than making him pay for it.
All this man wants from you is sex - nothing else. He knows he can get it easily from you hence why he is having the affair with you, he does not care about you or have any sort of feelings for you other than sexual attraction.
It is very easy for married men to treat their women on the side like this, their life with their wife is far more important than you will ever be hence he can quite easily say horrible things like this to you. All he wants is a happy family, with the nice, unsuspecting wife back at home and then a bit of fun on the side that he can have sex with as and when he wants.
I think you have seen his true colours now, I'm not sure why, when you knew he was married, you expected any more of him than this - surely you must have known you were just sex for him and he was not going to leave his wife? But at least, if there was any confusion before, you know where you stand now and can move on. Being a mistress is not what you deserve - surely you want a man of your own, someone who loves you and respects you?
So get some respect for yourself, stop allowing yourself to be a part of ruining other people's lives and marriages and find yourself a nice, single guy who can give you what you need from a relationship.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (6 December 2010):
 This is surprising to you?
In that situation, a man who is obviously not composed of particularly upstanding moral fibre (if he was, he'd have ended things with her before carrying on with you) is going to say whatever he thinks is likely least damaging to himself. I've been in your situation, you know. Either you accept that the man (he's not YOUR man) is going to regard you as an expendable indulgence or move on and find someone more appropriate.
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Well he was still with his wife whilst at the same time seeing you. You were always going to lose in a standoff where he had to choose to be with either his wife or you.
Surely you can see that...
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 December 2010):
 First of all, he's not YOUR man. He's HER man. And this guy just showed you what his character is. He cares nothing for you and views you with zero respect. You *are* a prostitute to him.
In most people's eyes, a mistress is not a better moniker than prostitute, especially in the wife's eyes. Why are you having an affair with a married man?? There are a lot of single guys out there! Why must your relationship be at the expense of his wife, who obviously is devastated by her husband's cheating.
Also, you must understand - your married man is a cheater who only thinks about himself. If you remove yourself from the equation, how much can you really love a man who can betray the woman he once swore his undying love to? What makes you so different that he won't someday do the same to you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): He doesn't consider you a prostitute; he was trying to appease his wife. There is a reason you are his mistress; he has not left his wife for you; he still considers their relationship somehow crucial to his life, or breaking it off somehow detrimental. The wife does not believe (unless he's wheedled it into her mind) that her husband has been paying you for sexual relations with him; in calling you names, she was expressing her low opinion of mistresses and equating it with her low opinion of prostitutes.
-Tante Victoire
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female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Because he used you. U been nothing to him. HE loves his wife. Somewhat. He could careless what he calls you. Do yoou really think mistress is better?
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