A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really confused! I broke up with my ex about a month and half ago. For a month we didn't talk but I really still wanted to have a good relationship with him as friends eventually. I knew it wouldn't happen right away but I wanted to make it clear to him that it was what I wanted eventually. After we broke up he pretty much put up a wall. Went out and made out with some girl. I got pretty depressed so I ended up sleeping with some guy for reasons that I still don't understand. I didn't have the intention to but it just ended up happening. Then I talked to my ex after a week after that happened. From there it's been an emotional rollercoaster where either of us didn't know if we wanted to be friends or get back together. He was really betrayed by the fact I slept with someone else and I did feel really guilty. He would intentionally try to hurt me emotionally under the guise of caring about me and wanting to either be close friends or get back together. But I confronted him about it and he finally said he didn't hate me and just wanted us to be friends. As he is my first love it was really hard for me to be just friends right away and I kept telling him it might be better for me to have my space first. And he would always agree but then drunk text me or just talk to me on aim. Teasingly asking me to come over when we were restricting actually physically being near each other. And then he started hanging out with this girl that he used to be friends with that he knows I detest because she's really shady and likes to lead guys on. She's the type of person that dislikes any girl for the simple fact that they're not ugly and attract guys too. Since the first time I've met she's been rude to me with out reason and I've been trying to be the better person by being polite. He knows that hanging out with her would really piss me off. But when I asked him about it he just said I had no reason to get upset. And I get we're broken up but I feel like its a bit insensitive of him especially since it didn't seem like he normally hung out with her. I never restricted any sort of contact he wanted to have with her during our relationship. When I finally confronted him with it and left pissed off he basically said he didn't care anymore (presumably about me) but then an hour later messages me on aim. To which I tell him I want to keep whatever positive feelings I have of him left and would like to cut off contact for a while until I'm ready to be just friends. To which he replies by asking me to come over and so I figure I just need to ignore him. Then he calls/texts/messages me. He messages me "Hi" or "Where are you?" about every 10 mins. I feel like he doesn't want to be friends...he just wants to harass me. If he wanted to be friends he would say something more...sincere. So eventually i ask him again to please stop talking to me. And he said he was sad I couldn't even talk to him anymore. I don't know. I feel like I can't trust his intentions. Is he really just trying to be friends and cares about me like he claims? Or is he still trying to get back at me for sleeping with that guy? Even though he keeps saying he's not trying to hurt me. His actions/timing seems to say otherwise....
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Trust your own emotions. No matter what his intentions are, the fact of the matter is that he is not respecting your wishes to remain distant for now. Whatever the case, he is only making matters worse and you need to make it clear that you have absolutely no intentions of contacting him until this whole situation cools. If he wants to be friends, he will respect your wishes.
I hope that helps.
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