A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:this may sound stupid but i cant help it that it is driving me crazy. this girl i am dating for 5 months is really getting to me because she calls people she knows casually things like "baby", "honey", "sweetheart", "love" and "darling"!! i'm like: you should not use words like that so easily, you should save them for people you really care about. she goes: stop being so uptight! there just words!!! and i go: no, you should save them for people you really mean them for, like me!!! she gets mad, and i get mad, and we never solve anything.she is like an artsy type, she acts, paints, and i am more conservative i guess. i just think words should mean something, like if you call someone sweetheart you should mean it. when she calls me that now, im like, whatever you call the postman that so it has no meaning for me. i did get her to call me "buttercake" so i know it is special, but then i heard her call her friend buttercake too. i asked her why and she said its cute.anyway, am i overreacting?? or am i right?? believe it or not this is becoming a major issue so any advice you can give me would be really appreciated!thanks!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): I ever believed my boyfriend said Honey and that girl called my boyfriend Darling that just nice greeting..have nothing going on but the feeling of my boyfriend when called that girl and the voice of that girl and my boyfriend when called to each other very sweet .. i give up my boyfriend and did not marry with him because the feeling when they called to each other not just nice greeting.i think i'm not overreacting but i don't want any body do the same as me .. so please contemplate about relationship very well before give up.. i feel happy after i give up and don't marry with my ex boyfriend.
thanks..!!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2011):
 I can see both sides.
it detracts from the terms she uses for you but I am sure she doesn't mean anything by it with the others it's just habit..
but still it bugs you...
I do it too... but thankfully my bf does not mind except when he heard me call my ex husband HON one day...
'cept we are from Baltimore Maryland where EVERYONE calls everyone HON... "it's a bawlmer thang" we say
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A
male
reader, ben345  +, writes (22 June 2011):
I can see why you don't like it. But the fact that she calls everyone these names is better than her saying it to one particular guy; you know it means nothing. I think you're worried about the guys feeling lucky when she uses these names. Just tell her it's a little confusing for you :)
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 June 2011):
 I can relate to you here, I would hate it if my partner did that! But you know what, for some people, that's just the way they talk. I have a cousin who goes around hugging all her friends...guys, girls...she is just very open with her display of affection. She sits with her arms around guy friends at parties, and I find it WEIRD. I'm not at all a touchy-feely, overly affectionate person and I hate it when she refer to almost everyone as "honey" or "sugar" or "sweety-pie". Aggghhhhh!! Its so annoying!! But that's how some people are. It takes all kinds of people to make the world, for all you know, people on the other side of the fence must think we're so cold!
I say you should not react too much and just accept it as the way she is. Maybe she might change with time, if she realizes she's being silly.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 June 2011):
 It's just a habit she has, I don't particularly like it either, but for some poeple is ingrained and totally harmless,don't read so much into it.
The first time I went to England, I went to a restaurant and , much to my surprise, the waiter was calling me "luv". " What will you have,luv ? OK- with a side of potatos, my luv ? ". I thought he was brazenly hitting on me. Then a few minutes later, the table next to mine was occupied by two ladies in their 80s - and he was "luving " them up too. I admit I felt a tad disappointed, I had thought I had made an impression:).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): Is she English? If so it's kind of in our blood in some parts to use petnAmes for everyone
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): Is she southern? We southern women instinctively talk to everyone like that but when we use those terms toward our lover it has a whole diifereny deeper meaning. Focus on the way she treats you plum puddin.
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A
female
reader, belize +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Am on your side! A BF use to call me pumpkin, I throught that was special. They I start hearing him call other woman pumpkin and babes. I throught that was insincere. I don't think you are over the top, some things can irate the hell out of you.
If it was just you she was calling 'buttercake' that's sweet,but if she calling everyone 'buttercake'... not so sweet.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (22 June 2011):
 If she's a Southern girl, you probably are over-reacting, you know. We tend to be affectionate.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2011):
 I use honey, quite a bit. But that is about it. If a women overly "suger" up her language it makes me slightly ill. It seems very fake. However, it seems like it IS HER nature to talk like that to people, why do you feel a need to change it? Do you think she "loves" you less because she uses terms of endearment a million times a day? If so, that is sad for you.
Look at her actions, not just listen to her words. Does she show you more affections (I BET she does) then others?
Is she a Southern girl by chance?
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (22 June 2011):
 HONESTLY, I'm on your side, I'd find this a dealbreaker. I don't find perhaps ingenuine like you do, as much as condescending/demeaning. Whenever I meet someone and they use petnames, it is very likely I'll find it cringeworthy, unattractive, and would never want to date them. I COMPLETELY RELATE.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011):
I have to disagree with the ladies here. My girlfriend also is very free with calling people darling and signing her e-mail with phrases like "Love", "Hugs and Kisses", and such. I know there are men who are like this, too. (A British actor who knew my mom used to call her "love" even though they had a strictly professional relationship.) However, when I sign a letter to someone I really struggle with the right words to use. Does "Regards" sounds too formal? What about "Sincerely"? If I put "Love" on there what will that imply? Will she read too much into it (or not enough)?
For people like you and I who are more careful with our words, it is more difficult to date someone who is not and it does bother me - not to the extent it bothers you (it's not a big deal) - but it's an issue. Part of the reason is that there are people like you and me who read more into the choice of words. Will she call someone "darling" and now he thinks she is really interested?
For what it's worth, I never use terms of endearment so loosely. That doesn't mean she is wrong because she does, but it means you are very different people in that way. How important is this difference to you?
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (21 June 2011):
 Yes, you are over the top. She probably had this habit BEFORE you and will after you. You are being uptight!
Does she TREAT you special? Does she HONOR your relationship with actions more than words?
Buttercake does not make you more special than the rest of the world. It is simply a name.
It is the FEELING that a person gives you when they are with you that should matter, not a title.
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, justfriends +, writes (21 June 2011):
 dude I went through the same thing with this girl I was crazy about. Just like you I am more conservative and she was more of an artsy type. I think when you say I love you it should mean something not just say it because you feel like it but my friend or ex friend said it to me a lot and I thought she meant it so I finally got enough feelings for her and said the same thing. now were not friends because i can't handle seeing another guy touching her without getting really aggressive. My friend was driving me crazy because she would always be texting people when we were hanging out and I would be ignoring calls and texts trying to be respectful. I personally don't think you are over reacting its a respect thing if you called some girl baby your girlfriend would probably geek out a little and thats not fair. That was a bitch move to say you need to grow up and stop policing your GF, your her boyfriend your feelings should matter and your girlfriend should respect those feelings a little more. I wouldn't say break up with her but you guys need to talk it out a little and figure out a common ground.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 June 2011):
 Yes, you are overreacting. She is just showing affection for these people, the words are just her way of acting friendly. I think it would be reasonable to come up with one pet name for each other that you only use with each other, but asking your partner not to call her friends affectionate names is fairly controlling. She's not using them in the same way as she uses them for you, but to expect her not to ever be affectionate with her friends is unrealistic.
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