A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 and I have never been kissed. Or even been on a date. Now that I am in college I want to date but all the guys I meet are more interested in partying and meaningless sex. I do not go to parties and I obviously don't have sex so I don't know where I am supposed to meet nice guys. Do nice guys even still exist? I guess you could say that I am a pretty boring college student but I still make an effort to go out at least once a week. I just never meet any nice guys. Honestly I am close to just giving up... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): Want to find nice guys? Go to any social event and look for ugly nerds huddled in the corner. That's right. The guys YOU don't want.The guy YOU want is probably juggling 4 girls who are throwing themselves at him. Why? Not because he's a jerk. Because he can... and why should he be waiting for you all this time when he can take his pick of a growing pool of chicks? Are you really that much hotter, smarter, funnier, better dressed and sweeter than the rest of these girls? He seems nice, he is tall, he is cute, he has a good personality. Do you think other girls didn't notice him too? Get real. Their eyes work just like yours.The guy you are looking for probably has the same qualities many other girls want. Be prepared for stiff competition. If you're honestly looking for *just* a nice guy, trust me, there are many waiting to meet a nice girl like you and will be happy to get you too. Just start looking in the right places and try candidates you haven't been giving a chance. Not all guys are in for the easy f*** and partying. Even tall, good looking, talented, smart and funny guys.You might want to consider guys somewhat older than you. Maybe even around 30 years old. Older guys are mostly done with the drunkfests and doin' the jackass like guys your age who practically specialize in that kind of behavior. An older guy will probably take your relationship more seriously and will be more interested in cultured activities (and have the money to do them too.)Another thing: Seems to me that you need to open up and relax a little. You are way too young to be all serious and librarianly at this stage of your life. Why don't you try to go out dancing or to some parties with your girlfriends and stop making yourself seem so boring to potentially great guys. (They're watching too, and do you supposed they say to themselves: Hey, check out that boring girl with the uninviting frown over there who won't spare 1/2 second to make eye contact with me, let's to go out of our way to stop her to get to know more about her? Sure they will. Keep on dreaming.) Trust me, there's plenty of time to get serious later when you're loaded down with career, mortgage or kids. Why waste your youth? As a women, these are your best years for catching the man of your dreams.
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reader, kwkid133 +, writes (13 October 2009):
Ha, first of all; I am the definition of "pretty boring college student." There's nothing wrong with that. I hang out at my apartment after I'm finished with classes, and on the weekends I go home to work at my dad's trucking company. I don't party or anything like that. I like to spend time at the library to catch up on school work. I love classic muscle cars and big trucks. I'm told that I'm a nice guy.
Until recently, I was like you. I was 19 and had never even been kissed. I dated a girl for 5 months who used me because I was willing to do sexual things with her (never intercourse though; she would beg me to but I never would. Probably why she took off to a motel with some guy she barely knew.) I know how you feel. It really sucks. I guess I could easily ask "are there any girls left that don't like to party or sleep with anything that walks?" I guess that there are, I just haven't met them. Will I ever meet them? good question. It's easy for people to tell you "oh, you'll find someone" when they have someone and don't have to worry about it. They're probably right, it's just they don't know how it feels to be lonely. It eats at you. I've caught myself thinking "she wouldn't want anything to do with you, you're boring" when I'm talking to a girl. Just don't focus on being lonely or finding anyone. Do things you enjoy and that make you happy. I've gotten used to being alone. If I feel like going to a nice resturant to eat, I just go by myself. It doesn't really matter. Don't not do anything just because you'll have to do it by yourself. Don't let it get you down, If you do; you project that image, and it just makes things worse.
Also, I've found that girls dump me into the friends only category without even giving me a chance. I don't know if they do this because they think I'm a nice guy or what, but it's unfair to me. Just be sure there aren't any guys in your life you're dumping into the "friends only" category.
Nice guys do still exist. I don't know of many, but they do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): YES, nice guys do exist and i married one of them. he is not perfect, but he is perfect for me.
have the normal flare ups & the even better make ups.
dear OP, give it time. so what if you havn't been kissed yet. your time will come and when you meet the MR. NICE GUY it will be worth it.
hey, cheer up. you are young, beautiful, believe in yourself. i always say, if you got it flaunt it, if you havn't flaunt it anyway. (lol)
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reader, Devil Crazy  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Hi there,I am a nice guy myself. 25 this year, I am currently in a relationship with an extremely nice girl.Speaking about myself, I am a pretty goody-two-shoes type of guy. I don't do drugs, I don't club, I don't get into fights and no, I don't womanize. And my loves are football, Internet, a couple of good ol' games and books.So yes, nice guys do exist and I do believe that like attract like. If you are nice girl yourself, you will attract a nice guy someday. Law of attraction works here. I know what they say about nice people getting abused, that do happen a lot but that also helps us become more discerning.Don't be disheartened! Continuing making yourself a better person and one day, you might just bump into a nice guy unexpectedly. ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): YTou are GENERALIZING SO MUCH , gosh not every boy has sex after parties, and even if tehy do not all of them would be partaking in casual sex, lots would be having sex with their girlfriends. Take your head out of the ditch you've dug yourself and realise that the problem lies with you and your pessimistic view of men, just because of your lack of sexual experience. How about talk to people in your lessons! Guys i mean and then from there , things will happen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): Ihatewomanbeaters... seriously? Amazingly attractive? Bragging isnt very attractive. And personality goes way longer then looks. What does matter though is that you take care of yourself. Thats what most people do, but some fall through, like dont wash/stink or wears the same shirt all week. It's basically a turn off and unless you're madly in love, you wouldn't accept that in a partner. As for ffogalily: Anime club will get you close to nerds. They aren't interested in real life girls. I've been friends with those types of guys and they're not great boyfriend material. Often don't own social antennas. Some are even a-sexual (as in have no desire for sex). Same with RPG-guys.What I do think though is that you, dear poster, need to become a better people-knower. How do you know all guys that party are only interested in meaningless sex? Did you ask them? Just say no straight away if they become too intimate, and then see who sticks around. Besides, you can have fun at these parties too, you don't have to be scouting for boyfriends 24/7. What I heard though, and this comes from a guy in college, one of the party guys that hang out with his (possibly jerk) football friends, is that among guys it's seen as a "flaw" to be a nice guy. They're not supposed to show that the care. They put on this act of being tougher then they are. It's immature and stupid, I know, but if the whole community and all your friends expect you to act that way, most people will. So, try to get underneath the surface. Im sure there's many nice guys there that will come out when you take them away from their group of friends. And as they grown more confidence in themselves, they wont care what their friends think.
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reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 NIce guys are harder to find because they usually are taken. And because they are nice guys, they don't cheat, even if their partner is a complete asshole. Same for the nice girls.
Nice guys put up with alot and so tend to be in relationships longer because they are willing to compromise, another reason why they are nice guys. You also get nice guys whos partners recognise them as being nice guys and want to keep them for good reason. But I also think you may be missing some things about your age group too.
Around you age group, especially at parties, boys tend to go wild and are living loosely. This is around the time they do most of the stupid stuff and get it out of their system so that when they grow up, they become those nice mature guys we look for as we get older.
As some have posted below, I would suggest getting involved in groups that do things you are interest. This increases the likely hood of you finding someone who holds the same interests and possibly the mental maturity you require.
Goodluck
HonningKanin
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reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (6 October 2009):
 1. You are looking in the wrong place. There you meet drunken bafoons. I go to Radford which had riot police and SWAT bust stuff up because there were 10000 people in 3 streets that went 3 blocks on each side of campus. Point being I know what I'm talking about. Go to a activity club that you think you'll enjoy and go from there.2. When you examine yourself physically, do you feel you are lacking in certain ways? I consider myself a really really nice guy, but will not settle for someone i don't like. Examples of what I mean. 1. I had a woman that refused to shower, shave her armpits, etc. come up to me and wantto be my girlfriend. she was ok to talk to and what not, but refusing to do the above is a major issue in terms of health.2. I had a 300 pound woman come up to me and want to be my girlfriend. Umm... I don't mind being her friend, but I don't want my partner to die in her 40s and not be able to do fun stuff because she's too big to move. If there are things you CAN fix like where you try and meet people, appearance, etc. you will go a LONG way. I was 5'8" stinky, ugly (because i didn't wash myself soi had zits and blackheads), and 244 pounds with a 44 inch waist in high school. I got nowhere and people took me at face value.Now I am 6'3" 235 athletic and "amazingly attractive" and I care about myself enough to not make it impossible to walk a mile. These qualities which I changed in one year (minus height of course)got me from no dates EVER, to dating many people.Appearance and personality are intertwined.
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reader, RBM +, writes (6 October 2009):
Yes, we do exist ... we spend a lot of our time at the library, church, family, semi-quiet get togethers where there are probably no drugs ... occasionaly going out to bars and/or clubs where we'll probably meet a realy attractive girl that turns out to be Miss Wrong, and spend several years trying to get out of the relationship, cuz we know it's not good, but are too nice to do a bad breakup and end up misserable ...
So find one before it's too late for them :) or before you fall into the same trap ...
Good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Illithid, yes i definitely think that you fall into the nice guy category :) not many guys turn down a chance for sex these days so kudos to you! i think my problem is that im too shy. if nice guys are invisible then nice girls are too. i guess i spend too much time at the library lol. no, i dont really have many guy friends and the ones i do have are already taken. but anyways, thanks for your help. i'll start keeping an eye out!
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reader, Illithid +, writes (6 October 2009):
 The problem with nice guys (and I hope I count as one, being that I'm 25 and turned down sex with both of my girlfriends thus far because I am waiting for that), is that we are virtually invisible. The loud and obnoxious guys are a lot easier to find, and greatly more likely to ask a girl out. And my first girlfriend was at 19 (though she cheated on me, so that's another whole story).
There ARE nice guys (I know several), but you aren't going to find us at wild parties, or bars. We'd be in class (often quiet), or in groups of like-minded friends, or in clubs, or doing charity work, or even just working beside you at a job. But they ARE out there, just don't be quick to let a guy that's being supportive and caring slip into the Friend Zone. Are there any guys you know that are single and lonely but somehow you've written off as uninteresting or "just good friends"?
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reader, Confuzzled012 +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Don't give up! Nice guys might be hiding in fear of no nice girls. That'w what I did. I covered up my insecurities by acting out and being the center of attention and getting in fights and doing drugs.. I felt so worthless I didn't care abou my health. But underkneath, I had never had a girlfriend, done anything with a girl, i never even checked them out because i felt it was a perversion. faces only. Then I met someone..
You have to look deeply. Maybe make friends and discover that one of them is the one for you. Also, college may not be the best place. keep looking and maybe you'll find one in your career.
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reader, LilPixie  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Yes, they sure do still exist... I should know, I have one of them :PA party isn't always the best place to find someone though!Like it was already suggested, joining a club is a very good idea, as is keeping in eye open in your classes!I met my boyfriend through the net... You would have to be very careful if you were to choose to try and find someone this way (i have had a lot of weird people try and chat me up!) but it is possible to find the right person online.I'm sure you will find someone, just give it time, the trick is not to search for it :) it will happen when you least expect it. I know a lot of people will say this, but it sure took me by surprise! Good Luck
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reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Nice guys exist. You find them all over the place. Even in college classes. Just look around. He's usually not the jock that hangs with his buds, though he might take care of himself.
He might even be the lone wolf out there. Or maybe he does hang out with his buds, and they're all nice guys.
Just keep looking and tighten your parameters as to what's acceptable in a guy and you'll find him out there.
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reader, ffogalilly +, writes (6 October 2009):
That is a good question, I have yet to meet a nice guy. I am also a college student, but just a little bit older than you. Try to get involved in stuff on campus, they have clubs and activities that you can do. I thought about signing up for the Anime Club at my college.
Don't give up, I haven't but I just don't want to settle yet, so I am just having fun with someone right now.
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reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Of course there are nice guys out there. You don't usually meet them at parties though. Unless of course they are the one in the corner getting wasted by himself. Just kidding. :)
But seriously though. Don't let those party guys make you feel like there aren't any good ones out there. And not all guys who like to party and hang with their friends go to have meaningless sex. They just like to drink and have a good time. If you aren't in that scene though, then I would join a club or something that you are really interested in. Colleges are great for that. Also keep an eye out in your classes. I'm sure there's a few guys who aren't the loud and obnoxious type who will most likely drop out after the first semester. You just have to open up a bit more and don't be afraid of meeting new people. Having this mindset and assuming that every guy is a jerk just makes you less open to give people a chance. Just be smart about it and break out of the comfort zone a bit! I'm sure you'll find someone interesting pretty quick. :) Good luck.
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