A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:Hi everyone. I'm back. I would appreciate an honest answer to this question. I like feeling sorry for myself and blaming God for everything, but to do that, I need amunition. I need proof that what I'm complaining about is fair enough. I have always believed that I would have been better off I had had a girlfriend when I was young. I believe I've missed out on something. Not many people will agree with me when I mention it, but I think that's because they just don't want to admit the truth.It's a simple question. Be honest. Would have I been better off if I had had a girlfriend years ago? Have I missed out on something special? Yes or no?I don't want any polittical correctness on this question. I WANT THE TRUTH! I think I'm entitled to it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Hallo Bruce Lee,
you know what's the problem with blaming God ?... it's that, if God does not exist, you are wasting time and breath , and if He does exist, do you think He cares about your blame ?... I mean, He's God, for God's sake ! Do you think He is gonna say : " Oh my God ( in fact, Oh Myself ) I forgot to get a girlfriend to that nice Australian fellow, I feel so bad about it, lemme go and try make it up to him " . Nah. It won't happen, the past won't change , the present won't change, and your blame will just make you bitter , sad and powerless.
Solution ? _ Don't blame. Don't blame God, don't blame yourself - the past is past, it's over and you won't re -live it, for good or for bad.
Every day is a brand new day, every day you are given a fresh new start. Look as best as you can for what can make you happy, and live all your life FROM NOW ON.
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male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (19 February 2011):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question He will help me one day. The only question is "when?"But if you want to talk about the past, I accept no responsibility for my problems or mistakes. If God is perfect and never makes mistakes, that means he is in control of my life. He is the boss.So if anything goes wrong, it's all his fault.I have Asperger's Syndrome though. So maybe I see things differently to others.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Blame God all you want, it won't change anything. Your question is moot.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Bruce, it would be helpful to people if you told them about your Asperger's syndrome; this has more to do with your social life than you seem to realize. It would help the aunts understand a bit more about you and about your approach to the world.
Remember you asked for advice and honest opinions, that means that when people give you their opinion, you do not then turn around and insult them, okay? Don't ask for 'honest opinions' if you can't really tolerate them.
So try your reply again and remember that you wrote you didn't want political correctness in your question.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 God is not to blame. And people who have had girlfriends in the past are not more selfish. A girlfriend isn't some property, you talk like you were entitled to some "girlfriend". Think about who this girlfriend in your head is. Who is she to you? She's a person you know, a woman, with her own mind and thoughts. She's another human to love and cherish, to take care of, to learn to appreciate and love despite differences. She's not some object you can claim. To win the love of another human requires something in you as a human. It's not something you are entitled to, earned, or can demand. Thus it is not within your right to blame anyone for not having had a girlfriend, not even God. You can only blame yourself, because you are the one wo has not reached out and made that special contact, friendly contact, with another human. You are the one who didn't take the steps to dare risk your heart, dare look like a fool, and dare open up your feelings and heart to another human. That's you, not God.
Yes, I agree, if you've never had a girlfriend in your life then you have missed out on the chance to be compassionate. Unless you have learned that skill through good and deep friendships, and have it in you to love your next in kind.
However earlier or not it's never too late to learn how to take care of another human being. You can start today.
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male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (18 February 2011):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I say "better off", I mean emotionally. Would I be happier today if God had given me a girlfriend when I really wanted one?
If there is a God, he has done nothing to help.
If there isn't a God, I blame myself for most things that have happened in my life.
The only advantage of missing out on having a girlfriend when young, is that I am less selfish than others. Often people who get what they want all the time, are self-centred and the whinge about everything.
I never said I was blaming other people for things that have gone wrong in the past. I clearly stated that I was blaming God.
And if there is a God, he IS TO BLAME FOR THIS.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): Better in what way? It's hard to answer at all without knowing that. But as someone said, there is no way to know for sure.
Having a gf/bf at a younger age can help you to grow emotionally and in other ways and it gives you life experience. It can also cause a lot of pain if things don't go well and you are a very sensitive person, and it can also lead to a lot of other severe life problems.
The main thing is to try and have a gf now if that is what you want for you life. You can still have something special now hopefully if you work at it.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 February 2011):
I don't understand the problem here, what is it you think you've missed out on? And what exactly do you mean by having a girlfriend earlier? Do you have your first girlfriend at the age of 30+? Were you sexually inexperienced? What exactly do you mean?
But, if people don't agree then why don't you accept that. Why are you hellbent that the entire world is lying to you? What if we're not lying but telling the truth... I mean why would anyone lie? Just because you don't believe what they tell you doesn't mean they are lying. It just means you're unable to grasp it and comprehend it. What is required then is that you think about it long and carefully, and not dismiss it just because you WANT the truth to be something else.
Do you only want to hear what you think is right, something that could possibly upset you? Or are you ready to accept things for what they are and not be an angry person? Come to terms with whatever it is in your life that you are angry with.
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Here's the truth. You have issues if you feel entitled, you like feeling sorry for yourself and you want to blame God for everything. Your life experiences have not been fair. But they're your experiences and they have had a part in making you who you are. It's what you do and how you handle life that matters. Taking no responsibility in your life and blaming others means for one you have an external locus of control so you think life just happens to you instead of having an internal locus of control which gives you a sense of personal power not "control" over others.Your question is ridiculous. It's like asking would I have been better off if I had been born with three legs instead of two? Would I have been better off if I had been born to richer parents or 50 years earlier? There is no truth in that. The truth is you get one life so do your best to make the most of yourself and care about something bigger than yourself. I like the story about the man walking on the beach in despair over life events and railing at God for not walking with him. And God said he saw only one set of footprints in the sand because God was carrying him. That he would never leave him in his time of need. So whether you believe it or not gathering ammunition against God is like sand slipping through your hand. The journey is up to you and you are not alone.
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female
reader, RealGirlNextDoor  +, writes (17 February 2011):
Any relashonship is special and beautiful in it's own way, but as has been said these kind of relashionships can be found at any age at any moment. I don't think you've missed out on anything for not having a relashionship when you were young, you coud always make up for lost time now. Plus most of the relashionships you have when you're young tend to be dissapointing.Live your life now, nostalgia doesn't get you anywhere and dwelling on things that you haven't done does not help you to advance and focus on more realistic future objectives.
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reader, missyfit +, writes (17 February 2011):
 God hears everything. Just pray and ask God specifically what you need and be patient.He has three answers: Yes, not yet, and I have something better in mind.
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female
reader, missyfit +, writes (17 February 2011):
Dear Bruce,I understand why you feel sorry for yourself, but don't blame God. He has a plan for you, as of right now you don't see it. I know sometimes you want things (such as a gf) right now... but there's a reason why you don't have one at the moment. Just remember that God's time is perfect. I know how you feel and sometimes i feel the same way... Sometimes I ask God why don't you this right now? Why don't you answer my prayers? But He is God, not us. We shouldn't instruct him what to do. Maybe you just need to accept what He is doing to you and He may open doors for you,just wait! I want to share this with you, it helped me a whole lot."God's people are not immune to the difficulties of broken relationships, economic and natural disasters, declining health, or other devastating circumstances. But God's people have the assurance of His presence with them through every situation."Maybe God is just wanting you to come back and trust Him.God Bless.
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reader, Advice_man +, writes (17 February 2011):
 I haven't had a serious girlfriend for the last 6-7 years. I took advantage of all this free time to "make peace with myself", learn to play the guitar, I learned to play tennis, I excercise in the park almost daily, I appreciate the beauty of nature, art and music, I enjoy long walks in the beach alone...I learned to appreciate the treasure and quailities a good book has to offer you, I started reading Philosophy and literature, I started going to church more often, I became best friends with myself and a more respected friend among my friends...girls are wondering how I get all this strength within and want to find out my secrets and try to approach me even more...I am happy who i turned out to be and all that because I didn't have a girlfriend. Does this answer your question?
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reader, Capri2  +, writes (17 February 2011):
I think I know what you are talking about. But as you have already been told. There is no answer to that question. There is no way to know what could have happen in your life if you had had a girlfriend when younger. You could have get your heart broken. Or not. What you know is nothing about that will change now. No matter how much you complain that won't make any difference. And, if you haven't had a girlfriend in the past it's nobody's fault but yours. Don't blame other for the decisions you have made. Deal with the consequences.
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female
reader, Betherly  +, writes (17 February 2011):
I remember when I was young and had a boyfriend, in fact I had quite a few in my teenage-years. Honestly, you haven't missed out on anything. To be honest it won't last forever anyway..stop thinking about the past and think about life now.
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reader, dirtball +, writes (17 February 2011):
 There is no answer. My first real GF was a complete psycho who scarred me for years. I'd probably be better off if I never dated her. That was years ago.
Why bother contemplating how things might be different if something different happened in the past? It's escapist and worthless. It didn't happen, so deal with it. You can change the present, why not focus on that instead.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): Everything has its positives and negatives. If you had a girlfriend, you would have probably been in love, been happier, had someone to talk to everytime, someone close to share your experiences with , to hang out with etc etc.. the negatives are that relationships often bring their own problems too.
Being single doesn't carry the 'benefits' that I've just mentioned but it has its positives too...like doing your own hobbies, making new friends, spending more time on your own (thus getting to know more yourself and what you want), concentrating on school/developing yourself.
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female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (17 February 2011):
not enough info in your question. better off in what sense? relationships? career? what?
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