A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey my friend just told me a couple of days ago that they talk on the fone almost everyday. he never calls me. i felt really upset and now im wondering whether he likes my friend better than me if they keep calling each other. they make arrangements about us all going out and then they never tell me.should i be worried or not?xxx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, maverick +, writes (12 February 2008):
 Hello there,It's alright. It would be unfair to post answers and not respond if you had follow up questions. I understand your situation much more clearly now.The best of course of action for yourself would be to speak with him directly about you and him - nothing to do with the other girl (if you mention her then he can see the jealousy). Be honest and open. Yes you are good friends with him, but from the level of initmacy you have (yes thats the kissing and cuddling) I would understand that you feel that this would be leading to a deeper relationship.There is also the aspect that you could feel threathened from "losing" your good firend, but this is not the case. Like I mentioned previously, once in a relationship your time will be divided up differently to accomodate you partner, friends, family and other commitments. Please understand that if he interested in your freind in a more intimate level then that is where the majority of his time will be spent.Think very carefully if you want to be good friends with him or if you want to go after a deeper relationship. You won't be able to have it both ways. If you are going to be friends, you need to accept that he will likely get a partner at some point and that will take up more of his social time. If you like him as more than friends then that is an aspect you will need to develop with him.The kissing and cuddling for you, can be symbolic of a closeness you would expect in an intimate relationship. He may or may not realize this - or what it means to you. Like you say - you are "kind of dating". If he says this isn't the case, you should consider stopping the kissing and cuddling or any other intimate aspects, as this doesn't seem right for good mates - but would be fine for a dating couple or gf/bf situation. But thats all dependant on what does/doesn't make a relationship for you.Can I ask what is it you're waiting to find out from Valentine's day? You can wait for Valentine's Day or wait for it to pass, however would it make you feel bad if you did not get anything? Are you only waiting and hoping to find out if he feels more deeply towards you? Or are you waiting to see what happens between him and the other girl? If at the end of the waiting period nothing does happen you may feel pretty bad, possibly even more confused or worse than now.It maybe better to resolve this as soon as possible so that it won't linger in your mind. All of this comes down to you, how you feel and what you want to do about it honey. Can I make an observation? I've noticed from your posts you don't seem to be sure what your position is on this? It doesn't have to be that way and you don't have to wait for someone to tell you on Valentine's Day - Yuo knwo how feel and what you think, so you can make a decision and take the action you want. Good luck!Feel free to post again and let us know how things are, I'll be around for a while yet.M
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionheya its elliebellie again.
thanks for keeping up the answers.
well i would say we are really good mates but we both know that there is an oppurtinty for us to go a bit further. i dont want to talk to him about it cus i dont want him to think im geting jealous over nothing and i dont want him to think that im being bitch towards my friend.
do you think i should wait and see what happens on valentines day?
if i get nothing from him i know hes maybe not as keen on me as i tink he is.
xxx
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A
male
reader, maverick +, writes (11 February 2008):
Hello again,Thanks for added info. In the instance of you being in a commited relationship, or at least looking like you two are - it would come down to a case clarifying what your time together should be like.First you should be clear what your friendship/relationship is about what it means to both of you. Secondly, if it is a deeper relationship, and you feel like this - then you should speak with him and tell him how you feel.You need to be sure what kind of friendship/relationship you have with him so you can work from there. Sorry if that was a bit vague. We're here if you would like to send another message, or you can always repost.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey i just want to say i left out an important but:
this guy and i are kind of going out. kissing on cheek cuddling.
does that change it?
xxx
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A
male
reader, maverick +, writes (10 February 2008):
It is horrible feeling like you've been left out. I can sympathise.It maybe that the two of them are developing a deeper relationship or friendship - possibly being more intimate. Developing a level of intimacy or taking friendships further, wil likely mean people will have to re-work the amount of time they spend with partners, family and friends. Not really sure specifically what your feelings are but likely you could be feeling jealous.Please bear in mind not to compare your friendship with your guy-mate, with their friendship. And also avoid comparing yourself with you friend. Ultimately different people will suit different people.For you, just remeber you haven't done anything wrong. Spend time solidfying your friendship with them, and do enjoy the time you have together.Sorry if that was a bit wayward, but hope it was some use to you.
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