A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I was WONDERING, if my boyfriend and I end up having a threesome, with another woman, whats the likely it'll bring us closer? Or I wont feel the same about him?
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female
reader, Petra at home  +, writes (26 January 2010):
The truth that everyone must face regardless of religion, philosophy or morals is that humans, like almost all creatures, do not mate for life. They are not even monogamous from mate to mate. It is like being a vegetarian (which I am not) - it has its benefits, but it is not in our nature.
The question is how to deal with this aspect of how we are. Some people fight it and pledge lifetime monogamy and a few even succeed. Others cheat. Some agree with their partner that sex is not the same as love and that a wider range of sex can be enjoyed within a stable relationship. It comes down to fitting it all together - do you love this guy enough to let him enjoy some sexual variety? Do you think he will be responsible in the way he does it? What are your expectations for your sexual freedom within the relationship? Is this something you have discussed with him to see if HE loves you enough to give this freedom to you.
Personally having been there, these arrangements can work. But you either have to totally not care, or love so deeply that you take joy in your partners happiness.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 I have a feeling that you will feel betrayed and jealous, rather than turned on and excited. Doubt it will bring you closer, I think it'll probably cause jealousy and arguements. Quiet echo has given you very good advice if you decide that you would like to try this. But be carefull and be aware, once you experiment like this, either you or him will want to continually experiment. The genie will be let out of the bottle, and he will believe that there is few things you would not do sexually. Your relationship isn't perfect, and I don't think this will make things better at all.. Please remain in control, and if you do anything, make sure it's something you desire, not something your boyfriend has talked you into.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (29 November 2009):
 "& as for bringing us closer, thats his idea."
Says it all really.
It is a line, a way to persuade you with an argument you care about to get what he wants.
I don't see how it brings two people closer together when they get a third in the sack with them.
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A
male
reader, yussuf +, writes (29 November 2009):
 lol! you're worried about the wrong thing. the question you should ask is if he will dump you and get with the other girl after all is done. there has been situation where the ending result is as such, so what i'll advise you to do is abstain from such an activity if you value your self esteem and heart. plus if you really have a little bit of believing that a "3some" might bring you closer to him well then you should believe it when i say that i have some magic beans that enables you to attract whoever you want and get them to love you unconditionally. lol! so if you think i'm Bs'ing you then now you know that the 3some idea of getting close is all bullshit. However if you do proceed to do it then be ready for whatever comes your way and don't be surprise if he cheats or give you less attention. Goodluck and i hope this helps :)
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A
female
reader, mediocreland +, writes (28 November 2009):
Threesomes NEVER do any good if you do it with someone you're in a relationship with. It might seem fine at first, but things will really go downhill. Fast.
If you had a threesome with a friend, or someone you don't really know, its something different. I highly doubt it would bring you guys together, and it sounds like something he's brought up and told you, and you're not comfortable with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): In some relationships people seem to make this work. I must say it can't be many. Only you know how seeing him have sex with another girl will make you feel. Me personally, I'd feel sick and betrayed if my bf even asked me to consider it. I think the fact that you've had to question the idea is a sure sign of your doubts, going ahead could just lead to heartache.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question& as for bringing us closer, thats his idea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question1. How long have you been together?
3 years.
2. Is your relationship sound? By sound I mean perfect.
No.
3. When was this idea first introduced and by whom?
about 6 months into the relationship, I said something about women turning me on & he went on from there.
4. Are you bisexual?
been with 1 woman, yes.
5. How receptive are you both to having an MFM as well?
Hes not so keen on it.
6. Have either of you had a threesome before?
no.
7. Have you established any parametres and hard limits? A safe word?
At first, we discussed our first threesome would be me & her, & if he was to actually physically particpate, then, it would only be with me.
However, I mentioned this to her & she basically said [i couldnt have a guy in the room & not be able to touch him], so hes talked me into meeting & just doing whichever, whatever happens. & hes his own person, he'll look to me for approval on anything.
8. Have you discussed any 'what ifs' such as STD or the other woman becoming pregnant?
The only 'what if' Ive mentioned is this, [what if my feelings change for you afterwards]
& he intends to use condom. I know they arent 100% anti-pregnant, but better than nothing.
9. Have you a woman in mind? A current friend or are you planning to find someone via the internet?
the one that ive been with once.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (28 November 2009):
 Don't do this. Please don't misunderstand me, threesome are great, I try to have one most weeks and as it happens I had one on Friday and it was a lot of fun HOWEVER threesomes are the ultimate in "sport sex" I.e. Sex just for the sex and the fun and they are NOT about relationships. I have never had a threesome involving either my wife or my mistress - it would just feel wrong.
Another consideration - when a FFM threesome goes well and at the end you have one happy girl sleeping on your right arm and one on your left it is near impossible for a man not to believe at some level that he is "god's gift to women". Do you really want your boyfriend believing that?
You and your boyfriend are still young. Leave this kind of thing for later. Once he gets used to it then there is no going back, he is going to want to be more and more adventurous.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 November 2009):
If anything, threesomes can ruin a relationship. Why? The main thing is jealousy. If your boyfriend is more into the girl than into you during the act, you'll be jealous. If you and the girl are more into each other than him, he'll be jealous. Sometimes even the other person can become jealous and suddenly be "in love" with either you or your boyfriend. Also, you may not even enjoy it, while your boyfriend ends up loving it and will want it all the time. If I were you, I wouldn't agree to it unless it's something that YOU want.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (28 November 2009):
How is getting another woman involved supposed to bring you closer? Is the bed to narrow or something?
In most FFM three-somes:
The girls have action together, how will this affect you?
The boy has action with the other girl, how will this affect you?
You are the one considering this, so you must decide how you feel about this.
I would say, that since you are asking here, you don't like the idea as much as he does and are perhaps even upset that he wants to pork another girl while you watches. Just a guess.
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (28 November 2009):
 Personally, I would hate it.. I feel I am enough for my guy, and if he wanted somebody else there as well i'd feel horribly inadequate. Seeing him enjoying another woman would destroy me. Fortunately my guy doesn't have any desire for a threesome, but if youre having any doubts I would suggest you put it on hold until you're certain its something you really want. Who's idea was the threesome?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (28 November 2009):
Short answer... YES!!!! Threesomes are difficult and make everyone loose respect for each other... only brave people who have been married for a long time, and have had very strange sexual experiences should ever consider this.. It's not like the porn movies, people get jealous, hurt, anxious and loose respect for their loved ones... You have to be very carefull if you ever consider such arrangements.
THREESOMES NEVER BRING YOU CLOSER TOGETHER, they are about sexual fun, and they challenge most relationships.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (28 November 2009):
 Hmmm. I wouldn't be able to have ANY kind of 3 some. Im very 'if u love each other, each other is enough'. but... it's personal. if u have to wonder, maybe u shudnt do it. it can bring up jealousy issues, and introduce a level of distrust into the relationship. It's all very subjective to how you feel.
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