A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend just short of two years. She has been going on dating sites like it`s a habit for at least the past year. She has lied and lied about it, but she surely knows that I know different. We have been broke up over Christmas and she has been on dating sites as normal. She is showing her photo this time. She has not let go. She wants us back together and has not stopped trying. If her being on dating sites has caused us to break up, and she wants us back together, then why is she still on them and showing a photo on it? Does this mean nothing will ever change? Why will she not stop going on dating sites? If she wants to be on them, she can, but not while she is with me. She didnt and still doesnt seem to get it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): If she is stupid enough to take seriously what a load of strangers tell her online, and risk losing her real relationship, then she is not worth your time. She is an immature fool so let her stay as she is. If you was that important to her, then it would not be happening.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): She is not relationship worthy. Find someone who is real to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): "The reason she isn't giving up on her dating sites and STILL wants you to take her back is simple. She wants YOU to just suck it up and accept that she does this.
I don't think she at all cares how this might make you feel. All she cares about is getting attention from as many guys as possible.
She will not stop doing this, not for you or your relationship as it were. For her it's more important that she gets her ego stroked by strangers then focus on your relationship."
As always HoneyPie is right on the money. I did this on my bf once, and he eventually gave up and we focused on our relationship.
I had the dating site wayyy before we met, but he wanted to FORCE me to close it , so I wa being stubborn. He gave up the subject. and I closed it before him noticing. It was more of matter of control for me.
But yes, if you cannot deal I suggest let her go. I myself am a selfish woman, but I have pushed my man through and helped be the succesful man he is today. Im not interested on any grass myself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): tby1. How great it is to see someone man enough to own up to their mistakes and wrong doings. Usually people in your situation lie, deny, blame the victim and refuse to believe they did anything wrong. Even afterwards they genuinely believe they have been hard done to, whilst plodding on with their online dating life. I know because I ended a relationship with an internet dating site die hard. It will be impossible for someone to seek counselling if they refuse to believe they are wrong though.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (6 January 2013):
You have been right in saying she can go on dating sites but not while she is with you. She is still on them, so I dont think there would be any point in giving her another chance. It seems like a kick in the teeth that she is still on them. As if she see`s it as a bit of a joke. If there was a 50 50 chance of her dropping dead by going on them, yes, she would probably take her chances there too. Dont go anywhere near her.She loves dating sites much deeper than she will ever love you. I dont believe there is a physical addiction to dating sites. It is a cheating heart what drives them there.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 It sounds to me like a compulsion on her part. That does not excuse it, merely explains it.
I would just keep it over with her.
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A
male
reader, tby1 +, writes (5 January 2013):
 I did the dating site thing many times but never realised the damage that it caused.i fucked up badly. Lost everything, but it was down to a confidence thing, I didn't meet any really, traded texts etc but it cost me the 1 thing I treasured and always will. Til the day I leave this rotten life I will regret being so stupid. I had children involved also, lucky you don't.
She will keep doing it, counselling is needed, I left it too late.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (5 January 2013):
Why will she not stop going on dating sites? Simple. She doesnt want to. She is on one now with her photo there. Does that not tell you anything?
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A
male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (5 January 2013):
Was it her being on dating sites that actually caused you to break up? or was it something else? Her being on a dating site and wanting you to reconsider sounds rather stupid and dumb to me. If her being on dating sites did break you up, then dont even think about it. She sounds a waste of time to be truthful.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 January 2013):
She won't change so you'll just have to accept it if you take her back.
Soooooo don't take her back.
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A
female
reader, N joY +, writes (5 January 2013):
Her use of dating sites caused you to break up. She wants to get back but puts her picture up on a dating site yes? Forget it and do not even think any more about it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 January 2013):
 You write, "Does this mean nothing will ever change?"
Yep. Ball's in your court....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2013):
 The reason she isn't giving up on her dating sites and STILL wants you to take her back is simple. She wants YOU to just suck it up and accept that she does this.
I don't think she at all cares how this might make you feel. All she cares about is getting attention from as many guys as possible.
She will not stop doing this, not for you or your relationship as it were. For her it's more important that she gets her ego stroked by strangers then focus on your relationship.
Sorry, I would totally cut the contact with her. I would NOT stalk dating sites looking for her either. Remove her from your life , mourn and move on.
People who are committed to their relationship don't sign up on dating sites. They stop looking for "greener" grass. She isn't.
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A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 Well you trying to restrict or watch her online activity is not exactly healthy either, I think. I can understand that such things happen in a relationship, but, without being black and white and confrontational, I guess there are lots of things you can work on to find a middle ground. For example, what exactly does she do on the said dating sites? Maybe she's just there for killing time... work on the details, the nuances, and maybe you'll reach an understanding.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 January 2013):
 I answered the same question as this not so long ago, that's basically the same as you going out to a bar and starting going around chatting to different women, so it's pretty obvious that she's looking to cheat, I mean aren't dating sites created for the very reason to meet new people?
Dump her and move on.
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A
male
reader, SumGuy +, writes (5 January 2013):
A narcissistic personality disorder perhaps?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): She's using you as a safety net until she finds someone new. Its blatantly obvious why dating sites were created and why people go on them...need I say more?
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (5 January 2013):
If you can't trust someone, the relationship is doomed. If she cannot see that, it's not worth giving her a second chance.
As for why she can't let go of the dating sites: it's probably an addiction of sorts. I mean, look at facebook for example. These days many people are more occupied with that than they are with their real lives. They check back on their profiles every minute and it consumes their lives.
Same thing with datingsites, only dating sites offer another advantage: getting your ego stroked repeatedly by the opposite sex. Men are telling her she's pretty (that's why she put up the picture, to fish for compliments) and that they want to get together. Nothing's better for self esteem than being wanted by the opposite sex. For grounded people, simply being wanted by the person you're with is enough. But some just crave more. She may not even meet up with these guys. She may just be a 'dick tease'. But if she cannot let go of these sites and lets the relationship go to hell because of it, she's definitely addicted.
In any case, if she cannot understand why her usage of dating sites is bothering you, then she's in denial and people in denial don't change because they don't think there's a problem. If you suspect this is the case with her (judging from your post you do) it would be better to cut your losses and move on. Don't waste your time wondering why the heck she's so blind, just put her out of your mind.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (5 January 2013):
 I lived through the same crap once. You wont ever get any closure. The chances are, is that she actually believes her own lies. Let her get on with it. Cut all contact and dont listen to anything she tells you.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (5 January 2013):
 Hi
Who knows why she goes on them, to me if somebody uses them they are looking to meet somebody,thay are at the very least investing time in others to boost their ego.
Your right to be apart because she really doesn't get how to treat somebody who loves them. She is either extremely immature and deluded or 100% selfish
I suggest you let her get on with it,don't even check up on her, leave her to her cyber life.
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