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*lassyWoman
writes:Is this weird or not?? Whilst driving my partner of 18 months reached across to the back of the car to hold his 12 year old daughters hand. He held it for 10 minutes. She has not been upset or anything -just sitting there.I felt uncomfortable as I am not use to this open display of affection. They are close and cuddle lots and lie about intertwined alot.Is this normal? I never had this type of relationship with my father.My partner told me that his ex was jealous of their close relationship - but this was when she was 4 !! I am afraid to say anything as he thinks I am jealous because I never had that type of relationship.But is it weird we drove along with him holding her hand in the back??? Like to hear what you all think.
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reader, willow90  +, writes (19 January 2011):
I can't really put it into a girl perspective but my sister is 22 now and my father is 44 and to see when they meet each other is father and daughter love.
They kiss each other and hug each other, in my personal opinion that is completely normal after all my sister is the only sister I have, they cuddle and laugh to so it's just the father showing some love to his daughter
I can feel incredibly close to my mom sometimes - kiss her, hug her etc. but I don't know why many take it as some kind of "incest". Clearly it's not and when I have my own grown up children it's pretty obvious that I will kiss them and hug them.
Nothing is bad here, I am sorry for those who don't get the experience to often because their love can be a picture to look at of what you should do with your kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): So_Very_Confused yes you are the only one that sees huge red flags.
Just because your father wasn't as affectionate nor your husband doesn't mean that others aren't.
I used to lie intertwined with my mother as I watched movies etc. I stopped being affectionate with her in public only because I'm a guy and well I would have gotten laughed at as you can imagine.
Some people are affectionate others aren't, some people equate any kind of physical contact after a certain age as sexual. That's just the way some people are. You see a hug is something that is very intimate and close contact, people don't see any problem with that but lots of people put a time limit on hugs, if it's over 3 seconds then it becomes sexual for some reason to them, or if a guy and a girl hold each other that too must be sexual or too intimate.
Those are the people that probably wouldn't sit cuddling one of their friends etc. I mean I have no problem sitting down with my female friends and holding them, stroking their hair etc and there's absolutely nothing sexual at all about it. I know a woman in 40's that still sits and cuddles her 60 year old dad, they'll hold each other and relax together.
You see paedophilia has always existed but for some reason in the past ten years it's become big news and people see any minor sign of affection between and adult and a child as inappropriate. Because they have in their own mind what constitutes sexual contact. Holding your daughters hand is not sexual contact, cuddling up to your son is not sexual contact. And it is not a sign that there is anything sexual going on. Frankly I think this paedophile paranoia is ridiculous. Yes we should be cautious but when a parent is being reported for having naked pictures of their baby in the bath or because their 5 year old bending over in bathing suit making a sand castle then things have just gotten ridiculous. The same applies to a father holding his daughter.
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reader, angelDlite  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 sorry, but before you start going over the top and pretty much accusing this guy of incest, if this is what we are talking about(?) consider this: there is intertwined and intertwined. when you said this in your post i took it to mean lying on the couch watching tv or something with the girl lying in his arms? (this is common in lots of families that i know) or does it honestly look like there is more to it than that? i can only really go on the way that i know i feel about my child and i can tell you that i feel its ok for me to be affectionate with him because to me, he is still 'my baby' maybe i am wrong, but i do know that in my case there is nothing untoward whatsoever going on.
the partner is being openly affectionate with his daughter he is not secretive about it. he sees nothing wrong in what he is doing. of course, there is paedophilia and incest that goes on in the world unfortunately, but i would advise someone to think more carefully about accusing someone of this just because they have seen a man cuddling his 12 year old daughter and holding her hand. by all means look for more evidence now that your suspicion has been aroused though, be vigilant and if there IS more going on in private between then you will be able to help her
x
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reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 they lie INTERTWINED a lot!??!
Am I the only one that sees huge red flags here?
My father NEVER lied intertwined with me ever
My husband was a single dad to a girl and he never did this with his daughter and I met them when she was 9. He was always very careful to be appropriate with his female child.
I personally would have been insanely uncomfortable also. And I would watch carefully to see what's going on and I might even talk to the mother of the daughter to see what her concerns are.
I'm sorry to be a dissenting uncomfortable voice here in a sea of OH yes a dad laying intertwined with his 12 year old daughter is perfectly appropriate. IT'S NOT
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reader, angelDlite +, writes (17 January 2011):
hi
this sounds fine, don't worry. i hold my sons hand, cuddle him, stroke his hair and ears, he sits on my knee sometimes, and he's 12, its just coz i love him so much! he won't let me anywhere near him in public though coz he's embarrassed by me! :) i never had a dad and had a very distant mum, but to me it is perfectly natural and ok to be like this with my child. i feel like i'm making the most of it while my son is still young enough to accept all the affection, maybe your partner feel this way too
xx
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reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Na, not weird at all. When I meet my grown-up daughter she holds on tightly to my arm and snuggles up to me when we are walking down the street. We've always been like that and I love the fact that she's not ashamed of her dear old Dad!
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reader, wornoutmommy +, writes (17 January 2011):
 I used to hold my dad's hand when we'd go shopping in public and such- not knowing till now that it isn't socially ok. We'd also play fight, wrestle and snuggle while watching movies, etc. It's a fatherly bond that is very healthy- and that's a good thing (for his daughter). Has she hit puberty yet, or started blossoming yet? When I started budding out, the wrestling/cuddling started to cut back until he was comfortable with the fact that I was now a woman and not a little girl anymore. We still held hands- and almost more so because he felt so uncomfortable snuggling/wrestling then. Coming into the situation (and not being there the whole time) I can understand the questions. Is her mother around? If not he may also be trying to make up for the lack of adult female attention. Also, if you're new to the family dynamic, he may feel guilty about spending more time with you that what they had previously - encouraging his urge to show affection to his daughter even more. I know that when my b/f and I started dating I would cuddle my daughter more to make sure she didn't become jealous of the adult relationship that I was trying to make work. Is this is first time you've dated a man with a child? Have other men not coddled their children when you were dating? One man I dated could not comfort his child because he was so angry about the divorce/custody battle- and this only hurts the child more. Just view it as a healthy dynamic for both father and daughter, and if he's capable of openly showing his daughter affection, then showing you affection once the daughter is comfortable with the relationship will come just as easily :)
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reader, Blonde68 +, writes (17 January 2011):
She is her daddys girl and there is nothing wrong in it at all. She is his little Princess and he is just being normal and showing her affection.
I am still my daddys girl and I am in my 40s. I used to snuggle up on the sofa with him and have a cuddle when I was her age.
It is also normal for people who haven't been brought up to show affection to feel like you do. Please don't look further into it as it won't help matters and your mind will just work overtime. Try and accept they have a wonderful bond as father and daughter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): No it's not weird at all. He's just a lot more comfortable being physically affectionate with his daughter than you're used to. Don't jump to conclusions and try not to get jealous either.
I have a friend that is in his 40's and still gives his 18 year old daughter pecks on the lips and when they sit down to watch a movie they're wrapped up in each other like a couple.
You know physical affection and intimacy doesn't always have sexual connotations, it seems that you were raised to separate the two or put an age limit on it. You see for you physical affection is situational, you don't mind if it's to comfort her if she's crying or other such situations because that's how you were raised they on the other hand don't need those conditions and can cozy up without them.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 No,it's not weird at all. He is just being an affectionate, doting dad.Like you say, it looks strange to you because it's not part of your personal experience.
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 That depends on how he looks at his little girl. He could just hold her hand because he thinks she looks adorable. I squeeze my baby sister's cheeks, we hug each other, that does not mean anything other than she is my little sister and she is adorable to me.
It seems as though they only have each other so it would make sense that they are close. Try and refrain from being quick to make accusations or presume grotesque things. That is his little girl and she will always be his little girl.
I hope that helps.
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