A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm sick of the world that we live in, the expectations and pressures on women today, the young girls who suffer and have low self esteem due to the images we see everywhere, in films, magazines, billboards etc.. Why is it that it's still a mans world, and that every porn mag is for men, every nude scene in a movie is of a woman, and usually a woman mutilated with silicone. The constant judging and objectifying and comparing..When are woman ever truely going to be treated as equals?When are women going to get the option of purchacing a porn magazine full of naked MEN?When is there going to be nude scenes of men in trashy movies?When are men going to be under as much pressure as women are today? When are men going to be judged as much as women are?When are men going to be pressured to undergo life threatening surgery because women aren't satisfied?... You'll always hear how men are under pressure because they have to have muscles, but that's much easier to achieve that the obsession with big perfect breasts. Men have the gym and steroids.. women have the option of plastic sugery..Why do women put up with all of these things, when's it all going to change? It makes me sad that we live in such a sexist world when we're said to be equals. Is it because there's not enough strong minded women out there? I hate to see so many women care so much about what men think of them, and accept that we are always going to be the object. God I sound like some crazy femenist! But I have to get this off my chest..
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the interesting posts, sorry I didn't reply sooner!.. Angziety, thank you, that is a very good point, and I do hope so!DanielPew, yes you're right, rather than equalising standards by objectifiying men as much as men do women, isn't really the way to go.. That's very true I feel, and I just meant more, that I'd like to see men feel the way women do in being under such expectation and objectification. But yes you are definatly right there..Mishmash, I guess you're right, and sorry I've took ages to check this, but I'll have a look at your link thank you :]Nime, very good point there, women definatly need to stop caring so much about what men think and buying into these magazines and what not, but I also understand that young girls are brought up on this with how powerfull the media is in our day and age, young girls simply do not know any better, so the pressures seem important when the images youth see everywhere are so dominant..Gabrielle.. Yes, I understand men are objectified by some women to a certain point, but like you say, just not at all as much as women..YouWish.. Very interesting stuff, insightful and interesting to me, and just to add to my little rant here.. Men sleep around, get called studs, women sleep around, get called sluts..!Anon, yes good point.. To another Anon, yes, again, I get the whole women thing but when young girls are overloaded with these images and mags from such a young naive age, you CANNOT blame them for rising to the pressure. Men need to stop having the expectations, it's all a viscious cyle..Odds, good points there, I understand that men are under different pressures, but apperance is not the only form of pressure women are under, there is a lot more pressure aswell as that, I still personally feel women in general are under more pressure, but I'm not dissmissing your point there. It's good to hear some prefere small over fake, but it's hard to believe for some unsuprisingly with breast implants hear there and absolutly everywhere! Moonriver, Something I didn't at all get to in my post but exactly, it IS something that should be acted upon and it is very sad indeed..Anon Flynn.. Some of that made me laugh lol! Good points raised, very fair point.. I personally don't find penises weird looking but hey ho..KeighleySky, I agree, How you're brought up definatly plays a role in how effected you are as a person to our lifestyles etc.. I don't think young children should be buying fashion magazines and watching mileycyrus on a strip pole! For example.ChiGirl, haha! Yes men do seem to get worried about being labeled gay if they dare to add a splash of man spray and what not.. I don't get that.. thanks for lightening the mood there..Male anon reader, 45yrs old.. I am sorry to hear that, sounds like you're not getting the respect you deserve and thats not fair at all. However that's your situation, not a generalisation, and a lot of women also do not get the thanks and respect that they deserve from their families/siblings.. If you want to get the respect and caring attitude that you deserve I suggest you talk to your family about how you're feeling maybe, rather than feel you're going no where with it..Cerberus Raphel.. I do not think you quite caught my drift here, but I won't repeat too much what I've said in this reply.. Apperence is NOT the only pressure women are under, there are other pressures just as there are with men, my post was just focusing on this particular pressure and expectations of women. No it's NOT just women who create this and do this for themselves, YES there are men who makw women feel they need to look a certain way to be accepted as attractive or what not, you CANNOT deny that.Anon, yes I see where you're coming from a bit there, but I do not get that at all becasue you ask loads of women and many many of them feel they would appreciate it if we too had naked mens mags available in shoips. Many women would like to look at naked men as well as men looking at women..Wiseoldman? More like rude old man, don't tell me to shut up thank you very much, do you not know this is a site for disscussion? Life threatening surgery is easier than the gym? Oh dear, I won't waste my time replying to your post.Starmonster888.. Hmmm, Porn exists for women, on the internet, a little bit. Nothing at all available for us on top shop shelves though hey? You cannot compare a topless man and a bit of male buttock to the fully nude women that we see all the time in films.. Also, no comparison of muscly men to silicone inplanted women. Men can work out or take steds, women have to go through life threatening surgery to achieve the big breasts we see in the media eye. Yes, it is MUCH more realistic, safe, and acheivable for men to get the muscle look. You named one single film that involves male nudity, everyother film that comes out has female nudity, again, no comparison.
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reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (14 April 2011):
 OP. Porn for women exists. I can send you links, if you so wish.Male nude scenes in movies exist. For mainstream acceptance, nudity in movies is typically restricted to the upper body(and sometimes the buttocks) for both genders;take it up with God that we men have no breasts.Full frontal male does, however, exist. Consider the movie Life of Brian. I can send you a link...if you so wish.The fashion industry, is mainly spearheaded by successful models and designers, typically female. They decide what is sexy. If fact, theres a season of America's Next Top Model where Tyra Banks said she had to many short girls(i can send you a link if you wish). Men don't find size zero attractive. Men like breast and butt...that doesn't go hand in hand with size.Men ARE in that same pressure; we feel we have to have big biceps and six packs and such. Difference is, we don't blame women for our insecurities.
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reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Anon...yes, I know the Eve story was complete crap. :)
But you can see where these things become canon and start permeating through people's viewpoints. Religious viewpoints regarding women are a tough thing to crack, especially in nations where religion and government are more intertwined.
Seriously, the Bible is responsible for wars and sexiam. Where else can two girls feel they have to sleep with their father because they've been told that they're nothing without children?
Where else can someone be considered righteous even though he offered up his two daughters to be gang raped?
Where else can a man go visit a prostitute, yet when he found out that the widow of his deceased son became pregnant as a result of prostitution, his response was to "take her out and burn her".
Women are never to teach or have authority over a man, yet keep silent in the church.
Wives are to submit to their husbands. The "head of the woman is the man".
Men were supposed to be created by God, yet women were supposed to be created from a man's rib for the only purpose of supporting a man.
Women weren't even supposed to count in regards to bloodline. All the sons were listed, while the daughters weren't even mentioned unless something bad happened to them.
Proverbs is full of little tidbits about women, like "A nagging woman is like a dripping fountain" and warning the guy about some wanton adultress dragging him to hell. Where's the warning about wife beating husbands and cheaters? Oh yeah! Not in there!
Women aren't victims unless they allow themselves to be, and every suffragette that stood up and decided not to be victims gave us more freedom until we take for granted that we are closer to standing on as equal footing in the industry, government, and social culture.
I don't think our freedom and place in this world should come at the expense of manliness, but rather both genders should respect each other's differences. I've never gone for the "All men are pigs" line of thinking any more than the stereotype of women as "nagging, yapping, shopping gold diggers who put the noose around the man's neck with marriage".
Personally, I'm happy that worrying about the porn industry catering to men more is one of our greatest worries in this day and age. We're moving in the right direction, but I acknowledge the presence of "growing pains".
This is a good discussion!
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reader, wiseoldman +, writes (12 April 2011):
You're comparing apples and oranges. Shall we begin?As far as "purchasing porn mags full of naked men" goes, actually that's for gays. There are infinitely more gay mags with naked men in them then there are nude-male publications targeted at women. In fact I can't think of any off-hand, and if there was a market, someone would have filled the need. Women react completely differently to naked men than men do to naked women. All my life I've wanted some woman to flash me when I'm taking a nice walk in the park and has it ever happened? The biggest-circulation female fantasy magazines actually have pictures of bridal gowns in them, and there are plenty of those kinds of publications for women. Have you ever noticed that there are no magazines called "Handsome Groom" for men to buy and daydresm about having the perfect tuxedo designed just for us in order to make all our friends mad with envy?As for plastic surgury for women vs. the gym for men, it's a lot easier to have a nip and tuck and be a bit bruised for a month (not that we actually notice any change in your appearance unless it's major facial reconstruction after a car accident) than it is to sweat for years in a smelly gym doing painful, boring repetitive exercises to build up muscle, in addition to maintaining a well-paid career.If a woman marries for money, people will understand- if a man does, everyone thinks he's lower than dirt.And finally, kindly don't blame us for wanting you to be skinny. No man on earth has ever snuck up to a magazine rack and, hoping no-one will see him, snuck a guilty peek into Vogue Magazine to get off on the models in it. Those men who DO want women to look like that are invariably the dress-designing fellows in my first paragraph. What is it that women want? You live longer, you collect our insurance after we've died, you almost invariably are awarded the children and the house when you divorce us- and the overwhelming majority of divorces are instigated by women. Could you kindly do us just one favour in return by shutting up occasionally?
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reader, Nime +, writes (12 April 2011):
 This is the best line here so far: "Men and women are NOT EQAUL, instead we are DIFFERENT and for good reasons too." I have been saying this for years. It's so true and I wish more people wouldn't be afraid of this concept.
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 I take due note of Moon River's comment and, for the record, I can but agree that oppression of women does exist, and that, while much has been gained, much remains to change.
I also want to say that I live in Latin America, macho country, but here women have been presidents several times already, sometimes with wonderful success like Michelle Bachelet. Where I live, women are paid the same salary and they are often bank managers, for example, something that amazed some Canadian friends of mine. So, things are not linear. No one would dispute that women have been recognized more rights in the developed world, but still they haven't seem to have achieved a few things that, where I live, we already take for granted.
By the way, Britain had Maggie.
Back to the point. It's self-defeating to think that a woman can't be but a victim. Like someone said, "Don't allow the pressure to please a man or the angst of a one-sided industry get to you."
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Sorry lady but I think you might be looking at this from slightly the wrong angle. “I'm sick of the world that we live in,” Go live in North Korea for month or two, you’ll see that our world ain’t so bad.“Why is it that it's still a man’s world, and that every porn mag is for men” Does this make it a man’s world? Porn magazines aren’t only for men because men say it has to be that way. It’s the market that dictates this! Tell me, apart from maybe gay people (no offence intended please), who’s gonna buy magazines of the shelf with only men in them? You? that’s right, nobody. Magazines with sexy girls are readily available because they sell!“every nude scene in a movie is of a woman, and usually a woman mutilated with silicone” Now be realistic about this, what film is going is to be appealing if the sex scenes only depict the men in the film??? How many of these films would sell? Both guys and women, appreciate the female form and beauty. Women represent the beauty and sexuality of the human race, not us guys, but you! And you should be proud of this!“When are women going to get the option of purchacing a porn magazine full of naked MEN?” For a starters, why would they buy a sex magazine with men in them??? Is there a need for this option? Women are not visually stimulated the way men are. Look at men’s magazines for examples, these are full of cars, sport and semi naked girls. Why? Because men like this stuff. Women’s magazines are full of fashion, beauty tips, recipes, holiday information and the occasional sexually tinted story or report, why? BECAUSE WOMEN LIKE THIS STUFF. If they were so interested in naked men, then naked men or semi naked men would be in these magazines too !!!!!!!If women were interested in naked guys in the same way we like naked girls, then there would be a demand for this stuff! and if there was a demand, then magazines with “hot” guys would be available!!! NO DEMAND = NO MARKET!!! Good lord, I really don’t understand why you are asking this question!!!“When are woman ever truely going to be treated as equals?” Men and women are NOT EQAUL, instead we are DIFFERENT and for good reasons too. Men and women, let me be clear, are of EQUAL VALUE. If it really was a man’s world, then we could do without you. And believe me, we can’t, us guys need you girls more than anything else in the world.
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 I just read your post and I only roughly sifted through the fountain of replies you have been getting.
Feminism is when you fight for equality, rising from oppression not bringing the other person down to what you consider to be lowly depths. The truth is, it isn't a man's world. What about this world is anyone's? When talking about equality, it doesn't come down to sexes, in this day and age, it comes down to wealth and status. Everyone is judging everyone and as so many have already stated below, women judge women more than men do. Women are more pleasing than men, in the sense that, they know how to be pleasing to everyone. The only women who are seen as objects are the ones who look to be seen as objects. That is to say, the confident women are not seen as objects, they are seen as something so much more. Women who know how to flaunt their femininity with class are not seen as objects. The problem you are actually seeing is the fact that so many girls and women want to be looked at and ONLY looked at, they stop caring about what they look like or what they are seen as. That's why you see so many girls wearing inappropriately short skirts or shorts with the intention of being noticed by everyone, not just men.
You only realize that girls do this because there is so much more attention given to that aspect of society (By that I mean, not just the gender but the whole issue regarding things like the exploitation of sexuality), I notice it also in men. Men and boys who compete to see who is more masculine, who is noticed more by everyone.
The whole issue with porn and the media. I was quite pleased with the answer someone else has given you, women are more aesthetically pleasing. That isn't the whole thing though is it? There is absolutely everything in the media and the porn industry for both sexes. But there are many women who enjoy the porn you seem to think only men watch.
You think men aren't under pressure. It is a different kind of pressure some men feel. When someone wants to look different, when they want to look good, they are perceived as homosexual. The way of society is, you conform to expectations and gender really has nothing to do with it. Each gender has its own dire flaws and unspoken, unwritten rules and you are looked down upon if you stray from them.
You choose to do these things, you choose to conform. You do not need to undergo plastic surgery because nobody expects you to, nobody pressures you into it. You realize that before undergoing plastic surgery, you are required to complete a psychological test to ensure you aren't having surgery for the wrong reasons.
You cannot choose to see the problems you think women have and assume they are the ONLY problems around. You cannot assume women are all in some sort of social cage. Everyone is just as free as the person next to them and just as condemned to what they think about each other. Gender in essence, has nothing to do with it.
I hope that helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Honestly I would rather see a woman nude then a man. Girls are much prettier : )
We are subjected to much more pressure, but I think that today is a lot easier then yesterday. And tomorrow will be even better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): You ask: When are men going to be under as much pressure as women are today?I rather think we are. I am 45. I've just put my child to bed and are about to do the washing up.I bring in about 70% of the household income, that never gets thanks, the sacrifices I make to do that are never acknowledged, and the care taken with that money does not reflect the effort needed to earn it. I would very much like work less, but I am viewed as unreasonable and less of a man when I ask if we could do without overseas holidays.I am fat. I'm certainly judged on that. My efforts to get thin are sabotaged by the lack of priority given to that wish by other members of the family. I've found it nearly impossible to swim two evenings a week. When I complain that there are three other adults in the house who on those nights could do the washing up and put the kids to bed I am regarded as unreasonable.I pay for the education of an 21yo daughter of my partner. She's only ever treated me with derision.My wife rarely has sex with me, she would rather sleep. I very much feel like I don't measure up to her expectations. I look nothing like the men in Cleo (sure, they'll show real women's bodies in Cleo, but I've never seen a real mans). I lack the spark which exists in a recent relationship, which is what those magazines regard as the ideal. When I try romantic gestures I look foolish.So yeah, I rather feel under pressure. And looking around I see many other men in my situation.In short, in living a personal life of equality, in my middle age I now feel as though I've been rather ripped off. That somehow all of the responsibilities fall upon my shoulders. Even as I write that, with the washing up waiting, my elder daughters and my partner are out at a gig. I didn't get invited, because someone has to look after the youngest and "I wouldn't be interested anyway, dear".
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 Perhaps not exactly on topic, but on a lighter note, women do focus a lot on our looks and try to be attractive for the men. Which I think is great in itself and not exactly a sign of us being submissive or anything, or the world being the mans world. The "problem" with us dressing up is just that... while almost all girls dress up few men dress up for us ladies...
It's a shame really, for us girls. We enjoy looking at pretty men as well you know. But guys appear to be so afraid of metrosexuality or homosexuality that even putting on a nice shirt can be difficult. Real "men" don't wear perfume they say and snort at it. Plucking their eyebrows, forget about it lol
I'm just saying, there are so many pretty, handsome, or gorgeous men out there that just let themselves rot away. It's a shame. I wish men would start to take better care of themselves and their looks in general. Thats one of the more superficial things that bug me, that men who have the potential of being super models don't brush their teeth, get an ugly hairstyle and wear clothes that hide their entire bodies, don't groom or work out etc. What a waste of prettiness!
Guys: please fix yourselves up and take care of your looks! Much appreciated!
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reader, chigirl +, writes (12 April 2011):
Did you watch the movie "Troy" with Brad Pitt?
Enjoy.
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reader, KeighleySky +, writes (12 April 2011):
 Its quite funny this. I really do agree with you. Sometime in england they were going to ban adds for junk food, but they wont ban magazines that have extremely thin women. Im doing eating disorders in psychology now and the main influence on anorexia is the media.
Of course when you take this and compare the results with every thing else you get the same, women are seen as perfect thin and unblemished objects.
Whether you conform to this criteria is specifically up to the kind of person you are and how you've been brought up. When i was growing up i had no sisters and three brothers. I am very strong minded and i have no intention of ever changing my body for a man. I will never conform to the media and make myself so skinny that i kill myself.
I am not saying im perfect and im happy with my body because im not, but it is my body and its hwat ive been given and i dont intend to ever change for a man.
Im 18, part of the generation of women who are going to suffer from all of these cut backs in england.
I do not intend however to let that destroy my hopes of becoming a counsellor.
I have friends that hold similar views to me. I hope that the thought of girls my age being strong minded and refusing to change their bodies for any men will give you atleats a bit of peace of mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Well, it was EVE in the bible because for some reason the snake felt she would probably be more susceptible to manipulation.
But she was mislead and fooled. Don't forget it was a man, not unlike myself of the rest of my sex, who CHOSE, like Eve to disobey a very stupid god (what was that tree even doing there? Why put it there with not a single precaution if he was trully an all-knowing god. For that matter how did this god not see this coming? I thought he was all knowing and all seeing?). We share equal blame.
You realise that story is complete crap, right? That genetically speaking two people cannot spawn a population of 6 billion without engaging in incest and having mutated babies, right?
Fuck this battle of the sexes. We all have things we are good at. A man's broader shoulders and stiffer muscles, and natural propensity towards aggressiveness and territorial behaviour give rise to a greater ability to fight and a comparatively stronger muscle structure that this needs.
A woman is genetically built to produce children. Hence the wider hips and Uterus. That is natural. Women can and are strong, and have the ability to fight just as well as we men do. But do not forget, our bodies are primarily evolved for specific functions.
Besides, if all you have to complain about in this world is a slight discrepancy in wages between sexes, then you have it good. There are not many in this world who can say that.
But keep chipping away at it and equality will come. Women have already come strides in a very short space of time in the last century, hell the last 50 years alone. And May you make many more strides to come.
Lord knows, there is nothing more sexually arousing then a woman that can swear, fight, fuck and eat like a man and yet still retain that femininity that we men love in women.
Plus don't ever lose that natural instinct to nurture. It's nothing to be ashamed of. That care and mercy is an area where I'm afraid women surpass men. The spearing of wild lions however, lies still with us men. lol For now, anyways... in the future, I think it will be live and let live in Western culture.
As to porn and sex scenes, women are more visually pleasing then men, even to other women. Peniuses are just weird looking. And as most people watching sex scenes and porn are men... it's still geared towards the basic instincts of men, I'm afraid.
There are porn films geared to women, of course, widely available. Much the same as a lot of shows, even those geared towards men, show frontal nudity by both sexes alarmingly equally (well, the women have to have merkins, but that is because your sex organs are inside, not outside and it's still bad form for show an erect penis or an aroused vagina on normal television and film). Watch Spartacus: Blood and Sand and Gods of The Arena, or any cable show these last few years, and you'll find wall to wall penises and boobs and bush on an equal footing. It's refreshing in it's way.
Flynn 24
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Small breasts are easier to enlarge than a small penis.
And at least the world has a little bit of sympathy for women who want bigger breasts.
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reader, moon river +, writes (12 April 2011):
 I'm sorry but there is no point pretending that womens oppression is just something you generate yourself that holds you back when men are paid more for the same jobs. You cannot ignore that reality no matter how's much you want to.
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reader, moon river +, writes (12 April 2011):
Under David Camerons new coalition policies there will be more and more women driven back into the home, 70% of those loosing their job in the public are women. We can be paid 30% less for part time work and 17% differencefor full time work. It's discusting and as women are forced back into the home it means social expectations will change of women. It's very sad, that's why we have to rise up now and stop women for generations having to suffer because we did not act to stop this.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (12 April 2011):
To the anonymous poster who said that women were their own greatest enemy: YES! You are really right! We tear each other apart in a way that no man does with our picking apart looks, sexual and romantic habits, etc.
I've read on numerous occasions where we women put ourselves through lots of pressure to dress and look good because of what other WOMEN might think of us. We are critical to our own gender to the point of cruelty sometimes. If you disagree, look up any reality show out there. Most of the drama, cutting, sarcasm, criticism, and attack of the domineering personalities happen between women. In real life, I've heard some of the most cutting judgements of women are done by other women.
Society may pressure us to conform to a certain beauty standard to please men, but it's other women who are oftentimes the harshest to judge whether or not we are adhering to those pressures.
Don't get me wrong! Women are also the greatest friends in the universe as well. We are our greatest supporters, commiserators, empathetic ears, and when we find a best friend in this world, it's absolutely amazing. But we need to be kinder to our fellow sisters in general.
Hell, why do I see wives whose husbands cheat on them attack the women the husbands cheated on them with such venom and vehemence, when we all know that the husbands who strayed carry 80% of the blame (100% if they lied about being married in the first place!) for pursuing the woman! Those other women are definitely in the wrong to be sure, but the major party at fault is the husband. I've never gotten that, and I've always chalked it up to us being more critical with our own.
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reader, Odds +, writes (12 April 2011):
 @ Nime, Mishmash, Gabrielle, YouWish, et al...
Apparently, a lot of women really "get it." Serious kudos for giving women agency, rather than treating them as passive recipients of society's will.
@ OP
Most of your questions have been admirably covered, but I'll throw in my two cents on a few. And it's totally fine to vent here, that's what anonymous message boards are for.
"When are men going to be under as much pressure as women are today?"
I'd argue they already are under very, very different pressures - so different that comparing them is pointless. When pressed, I'll usually say men have it worse, but that's more because I think so few people stand up for men as a group compared to women. Objectively, I don't know, and I don't think anyone does.
"When are men going to be judged as much as women are?"
When's the last time you talked to a nerdy guy who couldn't get laid to save his life? I'd call that a pretty harsh form of judgment.
"When are men going to be pressured to undergo life threatening surgery because women aren't satisfied?"
Fortunately, we've advanced beyond the point where most western men have to risk their lives in war, exploration, distant sea trade, hunting, dangerous mandhood rituals, or other such things in order to get a wife. Now we just have to be cool - which is not dangerous, just complicated. And for the record, most guys prefer small-but-real over big-but-fake.
"I hate to see so many women care so much about what men think of them, and accept that we are always going to be the object."
Depends on the woman. Some women seem to do a good job of accepting their own agency, and expecting it from others.
You should check out Mishmash's article, I'd like to see what you think of the discussion sarting there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): I recently watched two movies where the lead actors weren't made of plastic. One was a middle aged romance and the other was a romance between a couple in their 30's. They were really good movies but in the reviews, there were complaints that the people had wrinkles and the leading lady had a spire tire around her waist. The negative reviews about the way the lead characters looked were all made by women.
The worst enemies to women are other women, not men.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Honestly, since the beginning of time men have ran the show. Just saying, do you really think that's going to change? I think if you look closely at the nuclear family you will see that the quality of this type of family has dropped since women took on a more active role in the workplace and such. And many men have misplaced their gonads and stopped being men. I'm not saying that men should beat women and talk to them like they are crap. I am just saying, men have always been the hunter/gatherers and women have always been the nurturer of the family. Over time is became so that the average family needs both the man and the woman working (I believe this was on purpose).
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reader, YouWish +, writes (12 April 2011):
Heh...I didn't mean wrong. I meant "long". It's late here. :P
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reader, YouWish +, writes (12 April 2011):
My apologies for the OP and everyone who reads this. I have the feeling that this will probably be wrong.
First, I totally understand how you feel, especially in terms of why it feels like society insinuates that it's the goal for a woman to look, feel, and act based on what men like, or what men want. I used to feel the same way you do. You see it as far back as you can get. One would even argue that the bible itself is full of sexism.
For example, did you know that in biblical times, adultery was only considered if a man had sex with another man's wife? It wasn't the fact that he cheated on his own wife...just rather if he "stole" another man's.
Also, a woman was "unclean" for twice as long if he gave birth to a daughter versus a son. She also had to be unclean and make a sacrifice to "atone" for her menstrual cycle. Not only that, but her husband could accuse her of infidelity with no impugnity. What was the "test"? She had to drink something totally hideous, and if her stomach and vagina didn't rot away, then she was clean.
Also, in the New Testament, Jesus was given the option of having a woman who was "caught in the act" of adultery stoned to death. If she was caught in the act, where was the man she was caught in the act with?
Why was Babylon the great called "The great Whore"? Wasn't there a male equivalent? Why was it Eve who was stupid enough to eat the apple? Why was she "cursed" with childbirth?
I could really go on and on, but then the non-religious readers would start throwing bricks at me (**COUGH** Psalm 31 - why the hell was the HUSBAND allowed to go sit around with his friends while...never mind :P)
HOWEVER - we were talking about porn. Heh. By the way, Genesis 19 reads like hardcore porn. AHEM.
ANYWAYS, I think with women, what sells for them isn't the crap that men seem to really love. Likewise, most men would be stabbing themselves in the eyes with ice picks if they had to be subjected to soap operas, romantic comedies, Michael Bolton, and Brad Pitt's ass. Actually, most of those things make me want to do the same.
My point is, women have their own version of "porn" as you will. Our books happen to be written by Elizabeth Lowell and published by Harlequin. Replace the words "clit, pussy, tits, c*ck" with "satin nub, Venus, beautiful breasts, and swollen-evidence-of-his-male-arousal".
There are lots of things that cater to women. It bugs me that men nowadays have to somehow be emasculated or made to look like buffoons who are broken down to their animal baseness. They're portrayed as "man boys" who never grow up, always have to have sex, and are pretty much inept in order to get the laughs. I see this particularly in father figures where the woman looks completely superhuman and smart while her bumbling husband seems to break something else or is running around.
Men have their share of pressure now. It's not the same as women's pressure, and I dare say in some ways, it's not equal to women's pressure, and in some ways, I feel bad for what society expects our men to be like now.
I think the only antidote is to personally choose not to be affected by the pressure. If you don't want to shave your pubic hair, or wear those big bug eyed glasses, or high heels, great! You choose who you are, and what excites you. Don't allow the pressure to please a man or the angst of a one-sided industry get to you. Let some other woman shove water balloons into their breasts if it lights them up. At least you don't have to deal with shaving your head to hide a receding hairline, or prostate cancer, or erectile dysfunction.
Okay, I think I'm done. :P
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (12 April 2011):
 Umm...those magazines do exist, you know. And a lot of porn does involve attractive men doing interesting things. A lot of Hollywood movies, for that matter, focus on the male anatomy in an intrusive way. Now your mileage may vary regarding what you call exploitative, but to deny that men are objectified at all is being unfair.
Not to dispute your point, mind you. Obviously women are objectified a lot MORE than men, but it's not as one-sided as you may think.
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (12 April 2011):
Come on, are you kidding? How many men's magazines sexualizing women do you see when you're standing on line at the grocery store? How many women's? Elle, Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, Vogue... all of these magazines show rail-thin, photoshopped, over-made, underdressed, unreal, SEXY looking women... And WOMEN are the ones buying these magazines. How many times are you at checkout and you see a women's magazine (I'm talking to you, Cosmo) with bold advice on the cover about how to look and dress sexy for men, how to give the perfect blow job, 10 things to rock his world in the bedroom, how to lose stomach fat, how to make a good orgasm face, etc., ad nauseum. I can tell you, men are not buying these magazines. These days, women perpetuate the sexualization and objectification of women just as much if not more as men do, if not more.
As for being treated like equals, at least in America, currently more women have jobs than men, more women are the major breadwinners in their marriage than men, and more women are being accepted to, going to and graduating from college than men. My understanding is that this is a global trend, not only limited to America.
So if women are the major earners, and we all know women are the major consumers, why don't they use this power themselves to change things? Stop spending hundreds of dollars at Sephora and slathering your face in makeup. Stop buying these magazines that perpetuate women as sex symbols and sex bots. Stop posting hundreds of pictures of you kissing your friends at the club on Facebook. Stop posing nude for the internet. Start purchasing clothing that emphasizes respect rather than your breasts and butt. Men can't be blamed for everything, we all play a role in this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Short answer to all your questions:
Women's bodies are more aesthetically pleasing then men's...I say this as a straight/ish woman...That fact makes women's bodies more susceptible to being commodified and marketed.
You can get porn of naked men, but it tends to be marketed exculsively for gay men...there probably isn't a real marketable demand by women to see naked men...that's why you haven't seen it yet.
Are women ever going to be equals with men?...I doubt it. There has always been a power imbalance btwn the two genders...it has always tended to favor men.
I'll be a bit selfish and link to my own article on the site that I wrote a day or so ago. I was trying to prompt exactly your sort of questions:
www.dearcupid.org/question/men-versus-women.html
Please feel to answer, repost your question there, or keep just venting.
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (12 April 2011):
I don't know for sure, but I think it is already possible to buy "porn for females". I'm sure you can find it in the internet.
I understand Brad Pitt appeared in "Troy" in a way that aroused more than one woman. Yet it's true, there are not so many nude images of men as there are for women. Your liberation, however, would mean that men would be seen as sex objects. I was under the impression that being treated as an object is a bad thing, regardless of the sex.
I don't know if men are ever going to be under the same pressure women are, but I think the right thing would be that women did not have that pressure, as opposed to everyone being stressed over physical appearance or the like. If everyone were hungry, that wouldn't make hunger a good thing.
At my age, I would refuse to change my body if a woman asked me to. I think you can do the equivalent and refuse to change your appearance for a man. If not now, later in life you will be at a point where you will not care. This doesn't come so much with old age as with maturity.
It must also be possible to give up looking perfect. I look far less than perfect but, quite frankly, I do not care. I used to worry about my height and the length of my penis, the fact that I wear glasses, and this was back when you had to wear bottle-bottoms. Well, I don't care anymore.
I think you can vent, but you also need to look at life with other eyes.
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