A
female
age
26-29,
*oungmommytobe
writes:im 16 and im 12 weeks pregnant. the father and i are no longer together. do i have to give the baby his last name? just because it is his baby doesnt mean hes goiing to be there and support it, id rather do it on my own. if he were to take me to court to fight for the costody would he have an advantadge due to his age? (hes 17) should i take him to court first? i havnt told my parents but i told an aunt. i just want to be in control of my baby and give it the best life. i dont want it to go back and forth from house to hoouse maybe only on holiday? please give me advice.
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male
reader, Chippy334 +, writes (13 April 2011):
 As someone from Massachusetts... you are not required to give your child his or her father's last name....whether you are married or not. That is mainly because if he is not there to sign the birth certificate there is noway to prove he is really the father. So the answer is no...he or she can have your last name and if he does not want anything to do with your baby when you meet and marry a guy he can legally adopt them and then you can decide to change their last name.
A
female
reader, BriBri +, writes (12 April 2011):
Use your last name.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 Ok, you are not married and have never been married to this guy so the baby can have your last name. Dont worry about that.
In terms of him taking you to court - why would he do this? Have you been fighting about access to the child already? Generally a father would only take the mother of his child to court if she was not letting him see the child. The mother of the child, regardless of her age, will always get preferential treatment in court because the general view is that a child should be with its mother full time, unless the mother is deemed unfit to care for a child (i.e. she is on drugs, alcoholic, mentally ill etc). So unless you are any of those, then there is no way he can take your child away from you.
However there is a lot you need to learn and sort out with the dad before this child is born - it really is time for you to grow up now. This is not a toy that you can have 'control' over - this is a human life that needs stablity and 2 parents who love it. If you want to give your child the best life possible, he/she needs to see their dad FREQUENTLY. Not just in the holidays - it needs 2 parents that are around lots, otherwise he/she will be missing lots of things. There has been a lot of psychological research into this area and it has been proven worldwide that children who have 2 parents in their lives are happier, are more emotionally developed, have better self-esteem and are able to build better relationships with other people. If a child is missing 1 parent from its life they will have behavioural problems, will find it difficult to adjust to new situations and social situations.
Have a read of this http://www.parenting-child-development.com/young-child-and-divorce.html
This shows that children, even aged 2, are aware if they dont have their father in their lives. They see families on TV, at school/nursery the other childrens will talk about their dads - so I can tell you now, if you dont let your child see its dad because you want to 'control' the child - he or she will soon be asking questions and it will be detrimental to their health and happiness.
You got pregnant, and have decided to keep the baby - so now is the time to grow up and start acting like an adult. Talk to the father and work out how you are going to raise this child. Just because you are not together anymore does not mean you can just ignore him - he has rights to see his child because he is the biological father, so you need to start talking and figure out how you are going to do this. He needs to contribute financially to the child, this is a legal obligation. And you need to allow him access to the child. So the pair of you need to sit down and talk about this, figure out how much he is going to contribute, and figure out when and where he is going to see the child. Generally when the baby is still young it cant be away from its mum very much, so he will have to come to your house to visit the child. But as he/she gets older, he will be able to have her/him to stay and will have the chance to see his child for longer.
I suggest you get some legal advice, and if possible, draw up a visitation/acess plan that is a written document which you and your ex sign, so neither of you can back out and mess anything up. If he wants nothing to do with the baby then fair enough, but you need to try your best to make sure your baby has its dad in its life - when your child asks you in the future why they never see daddy, you need to be sure that you can say 'well mummy tried her best but daddy isnt around anymore' rather than 'mummy doesnt like daddy so he is not allowed to see you'. If you stop the dad from being involved, then the child will resent you for taking away its father. They will blame you for them not having their dad around, so you need to make sure you put 100% effort into making sure this child has a dad around to raise him or her. If you have tried your very best and he still doesnt want to be involved - well that is fine. But if you are simply being childish and deciding that you want to control everything and stop your ex from seeing your child for no real reason - then that is very wrong, you will be negatively affecting your child's well-being and eventually the child will blame you and your relationship will suffer.
So be the mature one here - try your very best to make sure the dad can see your child and try and be civil with him, for the sake of the baby. The baby never asked for any of this - he/she does not need you to bring your failed relationship into this. All that baby needs is a mummy and a daddy around frequently, they dont have to be together in a relationship but as long as they get on and dont fight that is all that matters.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (12 April 2011):
 You aren't married and haven't taken is name, so the baby can have your name.
He will have zero advantage in court. Family courts, particularly in blue states like Massachusetts, are very anti-male. Custody is basically yours so long as your aren't a crackhead, and it would be easy to hit him with crippling child support payments (though if he did not get any say in the conception, or the decision to keep the baby, that would be immoral).
Two things, though.
One, tell your parents. They will help you. Waiting will only make it worse, and the anticipation will stress you out. So long as you live with them, you're not going to be "doing it on your own," they'll be doing a huge part of it, and they deserve to know.
Two, examine why you don't want the father in his child's life. Would he be a good father? Would he want to take care of the kid? Are you trying to keep him away for the baby's sake, or for your pride? If he would be a decent father, it would be a terrible disservice to the child to keep them apart - same as if he did it to you. That would include giving the father the time he needs to bond with and influence his kid, rather than just make him some random visitor on holidays. Children of single parents are significantly more likely to have all kinds of academic, behavioral, and emotional problems in life, and if the father would be any good, you owe it to your child to give him two parents, or as close as you can come to it.
I don't know the guy, though, so you'll have to decide. Do what's best for your child, not your pride.
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