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anonymous
writes: I have been friends with this guy for about 4 years now and I know that I love him, as more than a friend. Recently we have crossed the line and have slept together twice. He says that he doesn't deserve me, but I think he is trying to blow me off. But he also says he likes me as more than a friend. Wat should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LULU99  +, writes (1 December 2009):
To be honest, I don't understand why people start going on about How men are V.s How women are. It's seriously annoying and confusing and it's most likely the reason why we're all confused about relationships half the time.I, personally, do not think he's going to drop you. My best friend has been my closest companion for 2 years. No...not anything sexual. He's the one that yells at me when I whine about life and the one that's picked me up when I fell. Oh...and did I happen to mention he shaves his chest and takes two showers a day and loves to smell good. Most people will either say he's gay or shallow. But because I know him...I know he's just a clean freak and takes first impressions a little out of hand. Then we dated. Then we didn't. Then we did again. We've slept together, cried together and when I asked him if he really meant it when he said he wanted to be apart of my life, he said " If I didn't, you'd be on the curb with the other whores".Did I also happen to mention that he too thinks he doesn't deserve me? I mean....He's the smart kid who did vo tech but not college. He partied. slept around. was always late for work./ etc. The disappointment. The " failure" as my mom called him.Then there was me. Straight A's. Wanted to see the world. I wrote books. was in plays. Could sing and dance and have fun with most things that I did.He felt like I needed someone that could see the world with me and be there with me. someone with the same ambitions and same love of books and art.,See, if you know him....really know him, you don't have to ponder whether he loves you or cares or not. It's not what sex we are that defines how we show affection to people, it's what we've experienced, how we grew up and what we've learned. Some of us, literally, feel as though we take things that aren't ours. I mean, you're his friend. and you guys did something together. He's going to feel guilty. Because that's not friend behavior. That's boyfriend or lover behavior. It's something you gave that he feels he took. So no, I dont think he'll drop you. Take it slow, and enjoy any moment with him and if you do love him, just being there helps.
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female
reader, Valyda  +, writes (11 March 2009):
I can tell you for sure that this guy is not a bad person. He is trying to tell you how he feels, he needs you to ensure him that he is good enough. You might not know it but men can be very insecure, so make sure you make him comfortable. He probably feels like he is taking advantage of you because you were friends and you had feelings for him. Show him that you are ok with the way things are going. Encourage him, tell him you want to be with him.
Think about it, if he was a jerk he would have taken advantage of you without any remorse!
Hope this helps!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): honey,he is not going to drop you, he is just saying that you deserve better and he thinks you are too good for him and the only way to change his mind is to tell him that you want to be with him and to you, he is perfect.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2006): Lowest common denominator. Rule of thumb. Guys don't normally "lie" about things like this..
There are two scenarios.. guys who say they don't deserve you and really don't step up (through ACTIONS)to show you that they cherish you. Not a good thing. Pleeeeassse don't try to "convince him". I'm sorry, but this is his way of saying..He's "not that into you". yOU CANT be responsible for "building" his selfesteem. he needs to do that on his own.
NOW, a guy truly crazy about you ( and you deserve that) may not feel he deserves you - IF HE REALLY FEELS THIS WAY HE WON'T SAY IT OUT LOUD! --- but will quickly decide, that if you are that important in his life and if he cherishes you for you and what you bring to his life... He will step up and try and become a/the man he feels you deserve.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2005): I think its you feeling inadequate, giving you the idea that he's going to drop you. he could mean it totally sincere. men have a totally different idea of wording the feelings to us(women). so unless you've physical evidence to back up this theory, i think you'll be fine
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2005): He has definately either cheated on you or isn't satisfing you in some way or another.
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reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (14 June 2005):
 I think you should ask him straight out if he wants to be with you or he doesnt. I hate it when guys do that, just messes you about don't it? Come straight out with it otherwise you will be confused for the rest of your life!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2005): I think that he just want to be friends
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (11 June 2005):
 Man oh man, I hate to reference pop culture like this but all I can think of is that hideous book/phrase/cultural phenomenon: He's Just Not That Into You.You love this guy? Or want him, at least, more than a friend? Tell him. Say, "Wow, I know you like me more than just as a friend, but I gotta tell you, it's killing me to have you and yet not have you. So until you know for sure, I gotta go. Bye."He'll either be cool... or not. He'll step up... or not. But you'll have your answer. The important thing here is to put yourself first: take care of YOUR needs, and make him declare himself so you don't lose any more sleep over this. Good luck!
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reader, Cutie_Mish +, writes (10 June 2005):
hmm, sounds like he's one of those guys that is looking for casual sex! sorry to tell ya that but now that he has got what he wants, he mite be making excuses to not get too attached! i think its best you talk to him and ask him whats happening between you both, see if he wants to take it to the next level, maybe he is just feels like he is a bad person and you deserve better, i tend to feel like a bad girl and say it to guys! but the guy always convinces me that i do deserve him, maybe you should do the same, next time he says he doesn't deserve you, just tell him he does and that you want to last or something! good luck! xXx
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (10 June 2005):
 He just wants to have sex with you and that's it. No emotions, no attachments, no relationship mumbo jumbo from his point of view. Better let this one go. Before you get to caught up.
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reader, lil-haz +, writes (10 June 2005):
 hi, he is not trying to blow you off, he is saying this because he loves you, and he thinks you're too nice to be with him and that you deserve better, explain to him, that you do love him and you do want to be with him, maybe you are not showing as much affection as you should.please rate this answer :D xx hope it helped
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (10 June 2005):
 Find out exactly what is causing him to have such low confidence in himself to think he doesn't deserve you.
He says he likes you more than a friend and you do him which is probably why you have now slept together.
Unfortunately, while he may be thinking he doesn't deserve you, you could be thinking he is just using that as an excuse not to see you.
You need to talk and establish exactly what you both feel for each other. It could be that the friendship just went a bit too far and that, in a way, you now need to backtrack (if this is possible) or it could mean that you both have deeper feelings for each other and you could have a proper relationship.
The only way to find out is to talk. Ask him what he wants. Reassure him if he really feels he isn't good enough and take it from there.
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