A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a resident doctor (1st year) as a general practitioner in Spain. I am not Spanish. In June, 1 month after starting work, my boss set up a 2 hour class on suture tecnique with a surgeon. Beside his amazing demonstrations, he happened to be very handsome. I quickly forgot about him as we work in different areas of the hospital. The next time I saw him was in November when we had a 24 hour shift at the end of which I was admitted in the hospital due to a crisis of pain (kidney stone). 2 days later, when he had a night shift, he came to see how I was.4 weeks later, when we had another night shift together, he told us that during this time he had been on vacation and flew all the way to Nepal (8000km away!)to do some charity work. This was the first RED LIGHT when I thought that maybe he isn't married (hopefully). If you had 4 weeks of vacation in December and had a family, wouldn't you rather be spending it with them, relaxing after 1 year of work instead of flying 8000 km to do voluntary work and sleep on the floor of an old school?The second RED LIGHT was when we were talking about my kidney stone and one colleague said that the pain you experience is similar to birth pain. At which point one colleague brought up that she has had 1 birth but the joy compensates the pain and then asked him if he had kids. Instead (or just to deviate from the question), he showed us on his phone his German shepherd playing in his courtyard. Wouldn't it have been a great occasion to brag about his kids?Tomorrow we have a night shift again and I have asked him to remove 2 moles I have on my face (it is not necessary, I was just looking to spend some time with him) and he said we will do it when my shift is over (he still has to work 12 hours more).You see, resident doctor means that you know how to do some stuff but you still have a lot to learn. Therefore, you have to grasp every opportunity to learn how to tackle small surgical procedures. But as a 1st year, it is perfectly okay to ask for help. Which I did. And he is always happy to teach. So my plan for tomorrow was for to ask him to show me once again a difficult suture on an orange and then let him remove my moles. Where I come from, it is perfectly natural to offer a small gift to someone who does you a favor. Therefore I have bought a box with the finest chocolates to offer him tomorrow. Getting home with them , I realized 2 of the chocolates are heart shaped (1 is white!). Is it too obvious to offer it to him? Does it say bluntly "I like you very much"? Do men notice this kind of details? I was planning to say "This is for you but if you don't like chocolates and you have kids, give it to them" (hoping to find out if he has kids, at least).I am 31 and he is 51. Despite spending some time together at work, I know almost nothing of his life outside the hospital. He is very discreet. He has a great sense of humor. I have a hint that he might like me too as he always smiles when he sees me and I once caught him looking behind me (as I was doing the same). He dresses and has the attitude of a perfect gentleman, but his best quality is that he is a very good person and I have never heard him speak bad of anyone. The only thing that I don't like and can't change is that he is 5 cm shorter than me (I am 1,76m/5.7 feet)My questions:Should I offer the box of chocolates?Is he aware that I am interested?Will he reciprocate?Any suggestions on finding out his marital status?Thanks for taking the time to read my long story.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers, guys. So my shift was really great, he called me when he had an apendicectomy to assist, he asked for my number to call me when I should have entered the OR (I had a lot of work of mine so I couldn't assist him throughout all the procedure). In the end, DANIELEPEW, you were right: what I wanted was for him to notice my interest. The next move is his. So I gave him the box of chocolates, he thanked me and said I shouldn't have, stared for a while at it but never said anything about the heart shaped chocolates. CINDYCARES, I am not sure relationships are forbidden in the hospital, if I come to think about it, some co-workers are married with each other. I am thinking of giving this guy a shot if he turns out to be interested
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 My opinion as a Latin American man (not that far away from Spanish):
1. His going to Nepal means nothing. He may have gone with his family. I have seen families travel together to do charity work.
Maybe he hung out with hot Nepali women after work? Or has a girlfriend there?
2. His showing you his phone with the picture of his dog does not mean he has no kids. It might just mean that he didn't want to share the information. Or he has 20 kids from previous marriages but doesn't take care of any so he won't mention kids.
3. It is perfectly normal to give a box of chocolates in recognition of a favor done by someone else. But I would notice the heart-shaped chocolates and the intention behind them. On the other hand, why would it matter if he noticed the intention? Isn't that what you want?
4. Forget about the difference in height. Think about the difference in age instead. It's 20 years.
I think you can ask anyone about his marital status and that's how you will know whether he's married or whatever.
We can't say whether he will reciprocate.
I would say, however, that it's a bad idea to date someone you work with.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 I'd make some more enquiries about his marital status. Investigate discreetly ( it won't be that hard, hospitals are among the gossipiest places in the world :). The Nepal thing does not mean anything, voluntary work abroad is not like booking a last minute vacation to Ibiza. People who does that ,does it because they strongly want to help, because it's important to them , and they ( as well as their families ) are prepared to make sacrifices to this end. Even if it means skipping Xmas dinner with family.
Proceed with caution also if he results single, though.
I have no idea about Spain, but here in Italy ( not too far ) liaisons between hospital doctors and their younger colleagues who are there for internships or pursuing specializations are strongly frowned upon; in fact, according to the hospital policy - he might even be kicked out.
A bit like in universities - college teacher romancing students, or assistents... uhm. VERY grey area. It's not a crime , because everybody is of age- yet, if you want to make it to Dean, you know better than taking up with the young foreign researcher.
In conclusion, even if he has noticed your interest , he may not be ,or feel, free to reciprocate it.
As for the chocolate box, anyway, I think it's Ok, neutral enough , not too personal as a thank you-gift. He won't even notice that there are two heart shaped chocolates ! , surgeons are detail oriented, LOL, but not up to this point !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): First of all, evaluate your relationship. Is he flirty towards you in any way?
Don't take a chance.
Secondly, maybe you should just ask him? If you can't be subtle just bring up kids again like maybe, 'Oh my cousin just had a kid. Do you have any kids?'
And if he has any kids, then he's probably married...
Don't offer the box of chocs until you are surer than sure. He may be aware you are interested so try not to be subtle.
He may reciprocate but also, look for hints in the way he communicates towards you. xxgood luck!
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