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anonymous
writes:MY question is why do women expect us men to give them everything and anything they want that makes them happy, but they won't give us the simplest thing to make us happy; a blow job!?We go to all sorts of lengths, taking an interest in your likes, desires, hobbies etc. Supporting you in many ways. Buying you gifts. Paying for things you want. Being your rock, your protector, your best friend etc etc. And you still can't give us that one thing to make us happy. I hear, "but I do this and that and give you this and that" but what if all of that is not what we truly want? Why should we give you what you really want when you refuse to give us what we really want which would be so much simpler than forcing on us what we DONT want?I've heard all the excuses like it's demeaning, it tastes bad, it hurts your jaw etc. Well, don't you think craning our necks and having you ram our nose and jaw into your pelvic bone for half and hour hurts? Don't get me wrong, we're move than happy to suffer that to pleasure you, it's great and a very small sacrifice, but not for you apparently, whiners! As for the taste, do me a favor and stick your finger down there after a day at work and take a lick, tell me if don't taste a bit rank. It can, but we don't care. Ok, ok, so hygene is a valid point, so we bathe, OFTEN, and STILL you find excuses.Bottom line, you're just selfish and SO full of double standards it hurts. Men are easily pleased and it costs you little. Conversly you lot take the piss and still want more and more and we give and give till we hurt and then give more and keep giving because we're stupid and besotted and ever hopeful.You lot have no idea how lucky you are, how spoilt you are or how selfish you are.One last thing, those guys who do the grabbing of the hair thing and go rough, get your head out of your ass and treat your lady like a lady instead of a bag, you're giving real men a bad name.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSteph,nailed it again! Actually, I suspected such a while ago and did try to add some fun, shared fantasies, games, role play, food,fun fights, etc. but nothing worked to take the 'to strong' emphasis off the act. I think possibly timing was all wrong. I have in fact tried hard to back off as I'm a strong believer in the more you push the more you push them away. Of late things are a little different so I'm hopeful for the future. I think a large part of this problem has been me allowing to become an obsession about BJ's instead of all about US and FUN and 'whatever happens baby, it's all good',ya know? This is I think where you guys have REALLY helped me to start actually accepting and dealing with what I was already aware of but tried to deny on some level. I really am very grateful for the support I've received here, it has helped tremendously!!
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reader, stephekm  +, writes (27 July 2011):
Actually in all the answers I have read, no one has indicated that maybe you should try making this more fun.It's not the blow job that is the problem here, it's the fact that maybe your love making has not got the Wow factor!!!You love each other very much ,but needs some spark back into the bedroom.You are being far too arrogant and demanding.Lay off- as it will turn her off completely. She may come round when you totally turn her on again, meaning that you are understanding and loving.Think what you can do.All the best.
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reader, stephekm +, writes (26 July 2011):
Thank you,I have had two long marriages and never deprived my husbands of any love making sexual activites.I think it is cruel to deprive your partner of anything they desire to the point of unhappiness.Men and women are meant to be together, but not for long!!!!Knowing your partner sexually plays a part in a relationship too, you get to know their likes and dislikes
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStephkm....phone number please! ;) only joking Steph, it's nice to see a different perspective and is a relief that the old "I'm just the same as any other woman" excuse is null and void.
Cindy... Ya know, you're dead right. I think I've known this all along, it just took someone else saying who isn't involved for me to accept it and begin getting used to it.
Again, many thanks for your replies and everyone else's.
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reader, stephekm +, writes (23 July 2011):
Well how come I would willingly do this to a man, I absolutely adore sex and the male body and want love and a relationship but I can't get it!!!All men want from me is sex.I find that men fall in love with women that are not into sex,that's how they have got to know the person and fall in love with them. That's why the highly sexed women don't get relationships because sex comes early on and men go.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 July 2011):
 OP, ..ah but then you have upped the ante quite a bit from your previous post.
It's not just that you feel deprived of oral attentions and you want your wife to perform your favourite sexual act. You want her to like it. To DESIRE it, in fact- to put zeal, enthusiasm, passion in it. You want her to show she loves... something that she does not even like that much to begin with.
I am afraid there's no solution to this dilemma, other than graciously accept that you are two different persons with different tastes in some areas of your life- one of which is oral activities.
That reminds me of a similar issue of mine, in a totally diffferent context. I am a theatre buff, and my husband had no interest for it, in fact he was horrified at the idea of spending good money to see some guy in black tights saying " To be or not to be " to a skull.
So, I would ask him to come with me and see a play , and he refused. I'd ask him again, and he'd refuse again. I'd ask the third time , and he would sigh and say... " Oh well...OK ". At which point, I'd get upset :" You are only coming to shut me up ! ": ).
OP, ...try to not take it personally. People like what they like, we can't all be passionate about the same things, and if you can occasionally get her to do oral for you, ...it's already a step forward, don't demand she must do it for herself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am SO glad I found this forum!!!!
Before I continue, I again want to express my gratitude to all of you, your words, while sometimes hard to swallow, have helped me a whole lot and, well, it just feels so much easier simply because of the connection I feel with you all. Wierd! I don't know you, I've been here a couple of days and I'm the sort of person that REALLY cannot be bothered with forums and networking and all that, it takes me all my time to answer my email, but I now find myself eager to find 'me' time upon coming home from work to fire up the PC and read your postings. You're all great! Thank you!
Now...SmilieK, thank you, excellent post. When can we meet!!!? ;) Just kidding. Thank you for your words.
55Cuddles. My wife is my world and could not be further from the wrong girl. She's the perfect girl who can only be even more perfect. The wrong here is me.
2old4this. THANK YOU!! Nailed it!! I really wish I could just do without and never have the desire over again, it would be so much fairer to my wife and better for me.
Thank you again Sir for 'reading' me.
First anon after 2old4this, thank you, good words.
Second anon after 2old4this. Thank you, your post proves once again that academia is most certainly no match for the wisdom of age and experience. Further, I have no need to insult you or try to make you look stupid, you did a wonderful job of that al by you little self.
RedAthena, you're dead right. One problem is I hold it in and don't speak, then when I eventually do it comes out cold, empty and callous. Bottom line I've been told to ask, of hint heavily, but I feel bad asking as I feel like I'm demanding or forcing, and yet that's the way it turns out. Once I've lost it and we both calm down and talk it works better but then I'm riddled with guilt thinking that she's doing it because I whined on the night before. Oh jesus!!
CindyCares, again dead right, and no, it's not really that serious. It's me. It 'may' be the frequency but I feel more it's me wanting to see more zeal and see that it's as much for her as for me, I dunno, now I feel like a heel. Confused!
Cerberus, Sir, thank you for your apology which is graciously accepted, and you're right, it was over the top, irrational and angry. As above, a little frequency, a little about it being a surprise and carried out with lusty zeal. Do I have an ego problem here???? Am I being a doofus or do others feel like this and find themselves justifying it when they get wound up?
Anon. I didn't see it coming because it gradually happened. You don't see the subtle changes in your partner as the years go by until they've gone by. As for the counselor, I have a goodly number of such books already as this is, or was, my chosen field for several years. Don't say I should know better. It's one thing counseling someone, it's another thing counseling yourself. Ever heard the phrase "Physician heal thyself"? It don't work that way.
I think that'll do for now. I look forward to the next mile on this journey. Have a tremendous weekend all.
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reader, smiliek  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 I really dont know how to get her to want to since i've never not wanted to. All i can suggest is perhaps not go down on her, use fingers and have her use your hand on you at same time, perhaps see if she asks you to go down on her and you could ask her to do that at the same time.. 69. She'll be getting pleasure so perhaps will enjoy giving you a bj. That or simply talk to her. Ask why she doesnt want to. Ask if there's any reasons or anything you could change. And tell her that it would make you feel really special if she would do it sometimes as you really really love it
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reader, 2old4this +, writes (22 July 2011):
 Hey everyone. I think he's just saying that if she wants to make him the most happy, give him a BJ. He does what makes her the most happy because she wants it, even if it is displeasing to himself. There just comes a point when you say to yourself "whats the deal? Why is this such a big deal to get?". Iv'e thought about it myself as I have wondered the same thing in the past. All I can say is if it's that important to you, then you really have to let her know how important. Not that you would leave her or anything but just how much you really want it. After that it's up to her. But just keep it in the back of your mind that you may have to do without.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): Ok I have dealt with this problem with my boyfriend.I hope this helps. We sat down 1 day and just talked about our sex life as hard as it was to hear I relized that I wasn't doing something that was just that simple, as a blowjob. for ladies that don't agree, don't knock it until you try it. he's right. if they can and do take the time to satisfy us that way, we should feel free to do the same in return. it's our realtionship. sometimes we need to compromise so we all are happy
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): Wow. This is, quite literally, the most hypocritical question ever asked. I cannot even fathom how stupid you are. A 'real man' would understand that women don't always want to do a whole lot of putting out. Besides, if you have sex, the women are the ones who end up pregnant, and guys just get to chill. FYI, I'm about 21, and I'm still a virgin. I attend Burklee, on full academic scholarship, graduated high school with all honors, so its no use calling me a pregg bitch. My BF and I have a mutual understanding that the answer is no until marriage. So shut it, and please stop making my eyes burn out of my skull. NTTYA.
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reader, RedAthena +, writes (21 July 2011):
 OP, but maybe the way YOU ask your wife you do not have the intention of coming across as demanding, impatient,etc.
Maybe that is not what is in your heart. But, it may be the way you are perceived. You can no blame her or others for thinking, "Wow, is he a jerk or what about this?"
Learn to communicate with your wife better what this means to you without coming across as a demanding prick.
Pun intended.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 July 2011):
OP, in the context you have provided in your follow up - then it can't be that bad ,can it ?
I'd say you have two courses of action.
- always remember what you told us : she is your wife, she loves you, she is beautiful, she takes good care of you- it's a happy marriage. In all this near perfection, there 's a blemish : too few blowjobs. Is it so really serious, so not negotiable ? And why ?
After all , it's like she is a good cook but, for some reason, won't prepare your favourite dish, say, fried chicken. So? What's the big deal- eat something else ! Eat pizza, or fish, or steak- eat what she cooks best. As long she serves daily tasty, fulfilling meals... you can't be so picky about the menu.
- in a good marriage there's good communication, so , rather than sulking, pouting, ranting and raving , it should not be so difficult to tell her plain and simple : I know you hate BJs,... but I love them instead and I would appreciate if every now and then you 'd make a sacrifice and you'd give me one just to make me happy.
I think that, put in this way, she'd take it better than on a base of " you owe me " or " after all I am doing for you ", and would probably comply.
If she does not, ...then yes, she is probably being selfish , but no more and no differently than you. It's as much selfish to refuse your partner something he/she wants from you, as it is demanding gratification of your own sexual preferences, at the expenses of the partner's ones.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): My apologies then OP, it looked very much like a troll post. As it seemed over the top, very irrational and angry. I should have taken a leaf out of Odds book and treated it as real. So I'm sorry for having offended you.
What does she say about all this? I mean it sounds like you both have discussed many times. Is it a simple matter of she just won't do it anymore or is it the frequency(or lack of) you're so upset about?
Because as I said I am a person who believes in sacrifice and yeah, getting head is one of those things I find important in my sex life and I would find it hard to deal with if that stopped.
The two options you have are talking it out to reach a compromise and if that doesn't work, no head for her either. I mean if it was a woman asking this question then I'd say those same two options. Getting head is important, a lot of women put a lot of importance in it because they can't get off without it, I see no reason why we can't apply the same rules especially seeing as you do find giving head taxing too. If all else fails, if she won't give then she won't receive, just like she said she does a lot of other things for you, you do a lot of other things for her too.
Some people might consider withholding petty and in all other circumstances for any other reason it is. But this is not about that, this is about being less inclined to go through the chore of giving her head if she's not willing to return the favour.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOne more thing, I have had to tell her not to be fast and furious when she's assumed I like it like that, I don't, I like it lazy and gentle and loving. Christ! If she just about falls asleep down there I'd be happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus, with all due respect, and that isn't much, you're a fool. I'm far from a troll and you are the sort of person I despise who can often deter people in great need of guidance, a shoulder to cry on, support, re-education, or clarity from seeking it further and merely re-inforce any negative feelings and emotions they may already have. Open your eyes Sir and attempt to refrain from being so quick to jump.Everyone else, thank you very much for your replies. Some hard to swallow (oops), some I can't accept, but most I entirely agree with.I'd like to clarify for most of you who read me wrong. I was angry, confused, frustrated etc and have been for a long time. I'm not prepared to look elsewhere as she is my wife and I am devoted to her. A lot of the anger comes from within as there is a side of me saying exactly what many of you say, i.e. stop being an asshole, she loves you and takes excellent care of you and she's beautiful and my soulmate and it's only a stupid blowjob you miserable miscreant! Yes, I do berate myself often over this as I feel strongly she should NOT be forced or coerced to do it, no one should, it should be offered freely as a very special gift. I realise I may have spoken wrongly, I often do, but I by no means feel she OWES me because I've done for her, the emphasis percieve her was wrong. I'm not saying that she should because of all I do, I was trying to say for example if she asks for a latte I don't give her an expresso, that's not what she wants, she wants a latte, that will please her, so she gets a latte, so if a caramel mocha is going to please me then why can't I have that instead of something else?Some of you were again correct, ask too much and it becomes a burden. And here's my other dilema. I've not only heard that advice many times but have also given it and so am well aware of it. My problem is I've done that and the result was I did without. Some may say so live with it, but I can't help but feel a disparity.For those that assumed I got with a woman on the assumption she may blow, I didn't. For a good while she was wild and I had a hard time accepting her zeal, now it's gone in reverse.Finally to the comments about abusiveness I'm right there with ya, now woman should be abused in such a way, i.e. forcefulness and degredation and I do not do anything. I'm very very concerned about hurtfing her and therefore lie very still and do not touch her more than to gently caress her back or shoulders. Further I feel it unacceptable to ask for or insist upon a blow job or anything else for that matter, anything like that in my opinion should be given freely without any coercing or request.Oh God! I'm SO messed up.I really wish I could just find that part of me that gets so damned hooked up on this and simply remove it so that I could just love her and adore her and treat her like a queen without getting anything except when she wants it. And I'm not being sarcastic or facetious.Really, thank you all so much for your replies, just the fact that you replied was encouraging. I would only ask some of you try to look a little deeper and perhaps see beyond words produced by frustration and confusion and the battle between selfishness and self loathing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): wow you got issues man. If you are not married then you need to break it off. If you are married you should of saw this coming. It was not like you didn't know her games when you married her. You just refused to see it at the time. A blonde radio relationships coucilor has a few popular books about the proper care and feeding of (said topics) I suggest you pick em all up and give em to your wife and you read em too!
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reader, VSAddict +, writes (21 July 2011):
 You can't call your woman selfish for having certain preferences on what she wants to do in the bedroom. It's just a blowjob. It's not like if she doesn't do it, you're going to die tomorrow. Don't smash women in general just because your woman prefers not to do that. You got yourself into this when you started dating her. You knew what you wanted and you couldn't have expected to get anywhere unless you communicated with her. So find someone else who likes giving blowjobs and get over this attitude.
And why can't you appreciate that your woman is STILL trying to please you in other ways? She's trying so stop whining and find someone who can meet your needs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Yay a troll, I love trolls.
Sorry though OP you would have been more convincing if you left out the "real man" nonsense and that bullshit about grabbing hair after the whole "no blowjob, poor me" rant part. Proper trolling requires a bit more finesse than that. If you'd left it at the blow jobs it would have been grand, even the eating out a woman being a sacrifice part was a nice touch, that gave me a chuckle. The craning neck and ramming your face into the pelvis bone was especially amusing, thanks for that. For the record, after a days work it tastes far better down there, a nice 9 hour vintage you may say.
@person12345 now you know haha, everything your guy does is for blowjobs it's relationship currency sure. Hell it should just be legal tender at this stage, we should all pay for everything in blow jobs.
Although Odds solution may be even better, the whole leveling up thing. Perhaps there's an iphone app that you track the amount of things you do and calculate how many blow jobs are owed. I mean come on girls it's only fair right? Say ramming your nose and jaw off a girls pelvic bone is worth 2 blow jobs.
OP if you're actually serious then you're in trouble, because demands like that make it even less of a reason to give you one. You need to go find a woman that likes giving them then, you shouldn't have just assumed yours would.
I have to disagree with Cindy on one point though, the sacrifice thing for me is quite important. There are lots of things we do for our partners that if anyone else asked we'd say no because we don't like doing those things. If blow jobs are important to one partner then I see no reason why the other wouldn't give it. The same as I think guys should give girls regular head regardless of whether they like it or not. That kind of sacrifice is part of love in my opinion, doing something you don't like for your partner does show a willingness to do whatever it takes to make them happy. I have to say what is reasonable in those circumstances is up to the individual and it's stuff you have to find out early and not just assume. It should be something they want to do not forced or coerced but as a show of love.
The most important thing there though is to put that on the table early, OP if blow jobs are so important to you then why would you date a woman who doesn't like giving them. If you ask me that's your stupidity not hers.
Here's something that was posted here by someone else before, forgive me for not remembering who and giving you due credit for it "Why do brides smile as they walk down the aisle? Because they know they've given their last blow job."
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Well I give my boyfriend a blow job every time were together which is ually every two days. He was the first person I ever gave one too, and I even swallowed straight away. Not all women are selfish about it, I do it because I know he likes it. The taste isn't even bad, sure I gag a bit when he does cum, and it hurts my jaw abit but that's nothing compared to feeling good after satysfying your man
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 It's nice to read this kind of posts once in a while, particularly when you're a little devil. This puts a devilish smile on your face. Bwa-ha-ha.
Me being the Devil, I will make sure I visit you tonight, to make you crave for oral sex. Bwa-ha-ha.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Wow all this time I thought me and my boyfriend did nice things for each other for companionship and fun or because we wanted to. I never realized that every nice thing he ever did was for a blow job, which is weird since he doesn't have a particular fixation on them.
Some women hate giving oral sex and no matter who they are they shouldn't have to. Sex isn't a transaction, it's about wanting to make each other happy.
Some women have been assaulted and find it traumatic. Some have seen so much porn where it is treated as a degrading act and can't get past it. Some just plain find it unpleasant and gross. Given how much of a temper tantrum you're throwing about this, if I were her I wouldn't be keen on even thinking about doing this.
Dude, it's just a blowjob. You should probably consider therapy if the fact that someone doesn't want to give you one causes this much hatred and anger. I mean I know it feels different from intercourse, but what is so special about it that you're willing to decide all women are horrible people because you can't get one?
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reader, Odds +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Per standard policy, I'm going to take this seriously even though I think he's trolling, because I like feeding trolls.
"We go to all sorts of lengths, taking an interest in your likes, desires, hobbies etc. Supporting you in many ways. Buying you gifts. Paying for things you want. Being your rock, your protector, your best friend etc etc. And you still can't give us that one thing to make us happy."
Chicks aren't video games, where you complete X number of quests to go up a level, or collect Y number of random items to receive the reward. They blow you because they are intensely attracted to you, and that's far more about your bearing and attitude than about the things you do for them. As much easier as it would be just to turn it into an economic exchange, life is what it is. Focus your efforts on being confident and passionate in a positive way, see how that makes things better for ya.
"Bottom line, you're just selfish and SO full of double standards it hurts."
Yes, some people are just selfish at heart. Some are selfless by nature. Most are in the gray area of being selfish sometimes and selfless other times. With women, the ones in the gray area will be selfish if you let them, but they really want a man who won't put up with that nonsense. Think of it as a test. If they act selfish, and you deflect their selfishness with grace, confidence, and humor, they will shape up and be happier for it.
"One last thing, those guys who do the grabbing of the hair thing and go rough, get your head out of your ass and treat your lady like a lady instead of a bag, you're giving real men a bad name."
This could be the source of your problems. A lot of women like having their hair pulled and having the man go all rough and dominant like a caveman. Some of them like the idea that they are so sexy their men practically lose control around them - especially when it's mixed with the occasional night of gentle lovemaking, or going down on her and making it her night. Gentleman in the streets, caveman in between the sheets (sometimes).
Look, you want blowjobs and the woman isn't willing to give them? Decide if it's a dealbreaker for you. If it is, dump her and find a more willing woman. You don't owe her a relationship any more than she owes you a BJ. Go freedom!
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reader, Nime +, writes (20 July 2011):
 I have to say, I LOVE this post (and I am female). I know some can't relate, but I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from.
First let me say, I am from a family where the women come first, always, and that's just the way it is. The men treat us like princesses. And as you say, there is little reciprocation from us. As my father once put it, looking ashamed, "there is no romance in the Springtime with your mother." And like my mother, I attracted my own guy to worship, adore, pamper and spoil me 3 years ago (I'm 24), and we've been together ever since, and yes, he rarely gets the kind of reciprocation he would most like. Despite that we are very happy together, a good team, and very likely in it for the long haul.
Now I do understand where you're coming from, but let me give it to you from the spoiled female perspective:
In the beginning of my relationship I actually resented that my boyfriend did so many nice things for me and would never give me a chance to make gestures of my own. I feel the act of giving (anything, not just blowjobs) is an important part of romance and falling in love, but my boyfriend always had to outshine me and it would make me feel like whatever I did was of no consequence. If I tried to give him a neck rub he would start rubbing my back and take over. If I bought him a gift he would go and buy me something way beyond what I could afford. I would try to talk to him about this, but he couldn't understand; he just wanted to make me happy. It started to become clear to me that the only thing I can do to reciprocate is give blowjobs, and believe it or not, it's not nice to feel bought and pressured into doing that. It's not nice to feel you don't have the option to bring much to the relationship or your man's life outside of blowjobs. Why doesn't cooking a nice dinner count? Why doesn't driving 3 hours to JFK airport and back to pick up his parents count? Why does it always have to be a blowjob?
And to you, the man, you think 'it's just a stupid blowjob.' It takes a few minutes and is far less time or effort than cooking an elaborate dinner or driving to the airport. What's the big deal? But to me, and probably to your woman, the blowjob has become bigger than what it is; it's now a symbol of how much we 'owe' you, because you don't give us any other option to repay our debt or make you happy. It IS a big deal that just makes us tired and guilty when we think about it, so why would we? So we fall, with mixed feelings, into the role of 'taker' while you continue to be the 'giver' and life goes on, with us learning to ignore our guilt and you (perhaps enjoying) your role as a martyr.
That is very likely how your woman feels deep down about blowjobs. The simple answer to this problem is that you do too much for her, and you don't give her much choice in how she can satisfy her feelings of debt and guilt. The real answer is that this a complicated situation that will require communication and cooperation from both of you. And I KNOW it must suck for you; I mean afterall, you've been the giver all this time, why can't she give this time? But it's not that simple, and really, if you're honest, feeling like a righteous martyr is not all that bad a place to be. The fact is you've created an imbalanced dynamic here, whether you both like it or not, and it's going to take a lot to change roles. Sucks, right?
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reader, RedAthena +, writes (20 July 2011):
Well, that was quite a vent!
Dear Blowless,
Not all women are alike. Not all men are alike.
Some women LOVE giving oral pleasure. Some hate it.
Some men LOVE giving oral pleasure. Some men hate it.
Neither gender DESERVES or is OWED the pleasure.
It is given freely and willingly. It should be appreciated, but demanding compensation for YOUR efforts?
Learn to ask nicely and you might be suprised by a woman who wants to make your toes curl in the way you dream.
Learn to communicate in and outside of the bedroom about what you find pleasurable doing and recieving.
RESPECT that some women will NOT go down. No one owes you a blow job.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Wow. Just wow.
I can only speak for myself when it comes to what you are claiming, so here goes....
I am in my 40's and I am terribly uncomfortable with giving oral sex to a man. It has NOTHING to do with being selfish. I really truly have a fear, a mental block and something always stops me from doing it. I really, really want to, especially with my fiance (and I know he wants me to do it too), but for whatever reason, I have been scared by this act and can't seem to get past it...having my head forced down to do it in the past, is my biggest thing, but growing up listening to male friends making reference to it, going for the girls that will, the porn and how frickin' degrading the men make the women, banging their mouths until they gag, cuming on their faces, and the women allowing it so you guys can get off. Somewhere along the line, the act of something that feels good and something intimate has been lost, and is seemingly a "dirty" and degrading act to me.
Here might be a different approach instead of the immature approach you are taking with this....express the fact that you would love this from your partner and do WHATEVER it takes to show she can trust you and you will guide her slowly and lovingly and have the patients of a saint until she is ready to really try it. Someone did this for me once upon a time and there was a point where I initiated it once in a while, he made me feel secure and confident and never referenced, ever in my presence, anything that would send me back to that fear...however the relationship eventually went sour and I was back at square one. Anyway, this is my story, so please don't be so ignorant on this subject, and take the time to understand the real reasons WHY a women doesn't want to do a particular sex act.
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reader, smiliek +, writes (20 July 2011):
haha really? Wow. I give my hubby blowjobs every few days, and he doesnt go down on me (mind you i dont enjoy that so i'm fine with that) I enjoy giving him blowjobs and he loves them. Perhaps you've just been unlucky with the women you've been with?
Ps its not just blowjobs that makes my hubby happy. It shouldn't be the only thing in life that you like
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 July 2011):
That's a way of seeing things that frankly I can't relate to. Personally I think nobody should do or be asked to do what sexually turns them off. "Straining" "effort" and "sacrifice " should stay out of the bedroom, and people should be very careful not to mix any element of duty or obligation to their lovemaking, it spoils it. In the long run, it comes to be something you dread or tolerate ,rather than something you crave. Sex it's not very rational, one can rationally say " since X does this and that for me, it's only fair that,in appreciation, I do this and that for him ". But , fair or not fair, this thought gets translated in " oh no. Not again. Bleah ", which is not the premises for a hot,passionate,toe-curling connection. Therefore, those, men and women, who dislike oral sex, or any other specific sexual act, IMO do very well in abstaining from those acts they dislike. They can show their flexibility and eagerness to please in thousands of other ways out of the bedroom. But, thinking for instance of you that perform oral sex on her wrinkling your nose due to her taste and smell, and her that reciprocates enjoying it as much as dental work without anesthetic....come on, don't tell me this is eroticism. That's a sorry,pitifull mess. Your predicament has a very simple, easy solution. Find yourself a better matched partner, one more in tune with your sexual needs. There are thousands of women out there who don't mind giving BJs or in fact thoroughly enjoy them, why do you have to keep pestering the random one who hates them, it's not clear to me.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Were you stamping your little real man foot while you wrote this?
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reader, Something Simple  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 I am rather new to this... hole make comments on things. i just read every one's little note's..
Yes hygiene plays a big part, but the fact that you say.. WE MEN... YOU WOMAN... rather say.. me or i.. my girlfriend or wife or whatever..
You want a blow job, be sexy about it.. again ensure.. you clean.. no woman wants to have a penis in her mouth. and gag 50 Times in-between that blowing.. same counts for woman.. no man want to be in-between your legs.. and half die ...
when she gives you a blow job.. try and let her use her hand and her mouth.. instead of just half letting her choke on it... get her to enjoy it.. as much as you enjoy it... once she has been doing that for a couple of mins.. slowing get her to move her hand again.. don’t choke the poor woman... take it slowly... i am not a pro at anything.. but experience does help now and again...
if it is time for you to have your AHAaa moment.. ask if if she will have it in the mouth.. if not.. ask her to then take it on the Boobs.. in that time of the hole boob and your Ahaaa moment.. tell her to just put a little afford in it.. to play with her tongue on your tip for a little bit.. just to get you moree into that sexy moment..
If she is having it in the mouth and that is what you want.. Bonus to you...
And the fact that you are saying YOU LOT... not all woman is like your woman.. Yes woman wants to be treated like a lady.. so in your sex time.. and you have made love and you have pleased her.. and she has pleased you.. who says.. a little kinkiness hurts.. Communication is a big thing in sex.. use it.. So if she says pull my hair.. don’t rip it out.. just get a nice big hold on it.. ride her mental.. a slap on the ass.. gets allot of girls moving... you will be surprised...as long as you have communication during SEX... in other words.. BONUS..
then again.. everyone has their own ways of doing things.
Something Simple:
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reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 It's nice to have a good rant every once in a while, isn't it?
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female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Feel better?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Soooo... Let me get this right, this is all about you wanting a blow job? Okay.
Well I hope you are not talking about all women here!! Speaking for myself, I would do anything and everything to please my man, even if it didn't turn me on, giving him pleasure is enough for me.
Have there been more than one girl who has said she doesn't want to give you head? If not, maybe it's just the lady you're with.
Now I think alittle give an take is fair. If a guy goes down on me, I'd go down on him. If I didn't want to go down on him, I wouldn't expect him to go down on me. Sound fair? But at the end of day it's best to be in a relationship where you both want to make your partner moan and scream in pleasure.
Maybe you're not asking in the right way? Maybe if you keep demanding it your girl gets annoyed? Or if you go around telling her women are selfish, it may piss her off so much she doesn't want to please you and your single minded views.
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reader, Ronnie70 +, writes (20 July 2011):
 You don't come across as being much of a 'real man'.
A real man would show some respect to a woman, and if she doesn't want to give you a blow job that's her prerogative.
My woman would do just about anything for me but she doesn't enjoy giving a blow job. I accept that and so should you. If you're not happy then set her free and go and find a woman who will bend to your will.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011):
By the sounds of this you have just been blown out! lol
Some people are selfish, that is just life.
spunky monkey
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