A
male
age
41-50,
*evorkian
writes:Hi,I am 32 and she is 17. We are having issues with her parents agreeing for us to see each other.I realize everyone has their opinion on my intent and her being young, but that isn't the question.My intent is for us to be together. We know how we are together and we know we want to continue this.Our question is what ideas do you have for us to talk to her parents constructively about this.They are very closed minded and I honestly don't think they will open up to this, but she says they might. There is always that chance, and it really is hard for both of us not being able to see each other.Any ideas you might have would be great!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 March 2008):
 I love it that if we don't feel right about advising you on how to sell this relationship to her parents that that makes us closed minded. It doesn't you know. Having been and having raised 17 year old girls, I KNOW very well the maturity level at that age. I also know how very stubborn they can be. I hope her parents will be able to convince you to hold off until she is older. If it is true love it will survive the test of time.
A
male
reader, Kevorkian +, writes (18 March 2008):
Kevorkian is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all that posted advice, it really helps a lot.
Mariah and I met totally by chance. Our story of how we met and began dating is one that is truly amazing.
I left out details of how we met and why we love each other so much because it wasn't what I was asking. I am not trying to justify us being together to anyone on here, rather asking advice as posted in my first question.
I figured there would be a pretty heated debate about why we shouldn't be together, thus showing that people are so close minded they cannot even answer the question posted.
To truly see how much we care about each other and how much we have in common you would have to know us, spend time with us.
Mariah is truly amazing to me, and I am to her.
We are gonna rock this world!!!!!
Thanks again!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): I am the female reader from March 16th on here whose post starts (As someone who regularly comes in here helping others)- all I can say is good on yer Mariah. I am so pleased for you both. If those of you who have chosen to be nasty and vindictive to this couple think you are all clever then shame on you all. You are all bigots with very small minds and very fatuous idealogies. It certainly makes very interesting reading when one reads the ratings that others have bedtowed upon these people so in view of eyeswideopen's comments about listening to the majority opinion, why not also take some time to check how their answers have been graded by everyone who reads on here becuase that is where you will find the real quality answers. Just remember your minds are like parachutes in that they only work when they are open.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): hey honey....i wanted to tell you how happy i am that my parents are willing to meet you now. its really great. whats wierd is that many of the people who have replied to your question have been much more closed minded than my parents, at least they are willing to see it in a better way.. also wanted to say thank you to rolly, anonymous reader-mar 16, anonymous reader-mar 17, AND trev. thank you guys not just for your open mindedness, but for actually trying to give advice.to the rest... if you read the question it did not ask whether or not YOU thought it was right or wrong for patrick to be with me.. the question was what advice could you give to help my parents (who by the way are actually being way more openminded about our relationship then you guys... which is very wierd) be able to accept us easier and for you to maybe give him something to say to help make it easier for them to talk to him.... but instead you the only thing you cared about was our age... you shut him off right there. you could have even said something like you didnt agree with the age, but given advice anyways, or just not commented about it. thank you though to those few who actually answered the question!!!!mariah
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (18 March 2008):
There seems to be a huge diversity of opinion being offered here but there is something I couldn't help noticing.
I wonder how diferant the negative replies here would have been if you had not stated your ages, or if you had stated your ages as being 42 & 27, or 52 & 37?
I have read your question very carefully and I see that you have taken the trouble to ask about her parents and have asked for ideas to go around talking to her parents about this. It sounds as if you are being quite rersponsible about it all. There are many responses here that do not actually offer the advice you have asked for.
Is there an opportunity for you to take your young lady and her parents out for a meal somewhere where you could talk imtimately about the situation.
Maybe explaining how you see each other and how the attraction was so mutual - it just happened that way and you are now both in the situation of having some very strong feelings for each other. Also explain how you have wanted to do this (inviting them out for a meal and a chat) and to be as straight and as up front with everything as you can. Maybe also mention that going behind their backs would have been the easier option for you both but in choosing not to take the selfish route you have instead chosen to more honest alternative of inviting them to have some participation in the situation. I am sure in the long run this will impress her parents far more no matter how difficult things might seem at first.
Personally I feel that you need to be asking yourself the question:
"Am I doing everything I can to ease the potential situation with my lady's parents?"
If you can honestly say a yes to this and things still remain difficult you can at least make future decisions that may or may not involve them on the fact that you have tried your best to negociate in a mature and humble way.
I hope this has actually helped you here.
Cheers
Trev
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): I am DISGUSTED at the ignorance shown here by these supposed open minded so called agony aunts. 17 and 32? i see no problem with that. Age is nothing now adays. I think you should both sit down with her parents and talk. There is 17 years between my partner of 3 years and I, we are very happy. I was 16 when we started dating, of course people will think thats terrible - it sounds a bit dodgy, but we are happy and proved all the people that said he 'was after one thing' very much wrong! Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, carebear +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Hi
Just for the record I was not signed in & I posted that that reply anon 14th March.
So you would say yea if your daughter at 17 wanted to date a 32yr old? You didn't reply what do you have in common? how do you & she know she loves you? Are you trying to say that you know whats best for this girl before her parents? They love her, they are looking out ofr her , the fact that your on here trying to find a way to convince this site and her parents shows that you are stuck! I hope they stick to there word.
Another thing there is another post here on this site about a young girl then aged 16 with a guy prob 39 they hoocked up she now has 4 kids to him and he claims he loves her to death but won't marry her as he's been there done that same as you, such a shame these girls should run a mile get someone your own age or at the very least someone who has experiance some life instead of highschool.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 March 2008):
I guess you just don't like what the majority of the aunts have said. On this site you get a variety of answers and advice. It's up to you to decide what advice you think makes the most sense to you. However it's always interesting to me to see what the majority of the aunts say.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): As somebody who regularly come on here helping others I am utterly ashamed to be associated with the likes of some of the people who have shown such arrogance, and nastiness.
I am not sure of the age of consent in the states but here in Europe it is 16 so in my eyes there is nothing illegal here.
I see here two people that love each other and seem very committed. The age gap is not their problem it is the problem of a few fatuous creatures that make me ashamed to be associated with them (as a fellow agony aunt.)
The male reader with reply 3 shows threatening behaviour and is evil to the core himself, Gena seems to be talking a load of Bullock's, and it is a shame that "eyeswideopen" doesn't have her mind as equally wide open too.
I for one am with Rolly here - a very wise head on a young pair of shoulders - please take her advice on board it is far better than any advice I could give.
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A
female
reader, Rolly +, writes (15 March 2008):
I am ashamed of the replies here. I'm 18, and am about to give a much more mature reply than any of you could manage:Have you met her parents yet? I think it's worth sitting them down and being completely honest with them and telling them your intentions. If they kick off and raise their voices, stay calm and don't raise yours. Listen to their concerns (they'll have many!), just say what you need to say- don't impose- and leave what you've said in their heads to think about. As you've seen from the replies thus far, it's a sensitive subject so tread softly.Good luck! :)
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A
male
reader, Kevorkian +, writes (15 March 2008):
Kevorkian is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMe dating my baby doll is legal, she is of legal age.
I am confused as to why I am "perverted, selfish sick!" You do not know me, so there is no way you can possibly know that.
Yes, the maturity gap will shrink. In 10 months? Be serious!
What does 2 daughters have to do with anything about this?
You all seem to be looking for an arguement, that is not why I posted.
You can shoot me down all you want, but the bottom line is we love each other. Everything that has been said so far for the most part is based off of your opinions.
This isn't black and white and apparently that is what your lives revolve around. If it doesn't fit, shut it down.
For those of you with kids, I feel bad for them, they will grow up not being able to think for themselves.
As for my kids, they will think for themselves, have their own opinions, based on what I have taught them.
That would be, fight for what you think is right, not what others impose on you based on their beliefs!!!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): PosterYou are every teen girl parents NIGHTMARE!Perverted,selfish sick!What do you have in common with a 17yrs old?You are old enough to be her DAD!Where can you go as a couple?Her parents are right and if this was my daughter you wouldn't be writing this you would be in plaster!
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (14 March 2008):
 You already having 2 daughters is all the more reason NOT to get involved with a young lady who is closer in age to your daughters! How crast is that?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 March 2008):
I hope her parents will continue to protect their daughter. Of course there will still be the same age gap when she is an adult but the maturity gap will shrink. There is a solid reason for the laws against this type of relationship. Act responsibly please.
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A
male
reader, Kevorkian +, writes (14 March 2008):
Kevorkian is verified as being by the original poster of the questionupdate....
That is our dilema, people keep going off saying how wrong it is and that we should wait until she is 18. If we wait till she is 18 there is still the same age gap.
Yes when she is 18 she can do what she wants and it wont matter what her parents say. That doesn't answer our question and this is our problem.
It boggles me that people get so close minded they cannot even respond to the question. We want her parents to agree to us seeing each other regardless of her age.
I have 2 daughters. I hope and will do my best to make sure that the day never comes where I completely shut out their thoughts and feelings based on my own opinions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): thats hilarious baby,
when people comment to me about it they are so understanding, when the comment to you abou it they are so mean.
to the anonymous reader..... it would really matter if we have slept with each other or not. that is not his intent with me. he is pure and honest and i can see that. he and i are both aware of our intents, and they are nothing less than wonderful.
anyway... back to you babe.... lately i have actually been thinking that my parents will not open up about it so much as i assumed they would. we will just keep trying though!
i love you
best of wishes honey
mariah
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): There are three options regarding you and her, especially if I was her relative....
1) A pair of handcuffs and a very stiff jail sentence.
2) A good ass whipping
3) A ski mask, a baseball bat and me waiting in the alley for you to pass.
To me .......you have already violated. You should wait till she's 18, but my mind is in the gutter....I feel you've already slept with her, which is a cardinal NO-NO!
I'm glad she is not my daughter or sister, because you would be in a world of hurt right now.
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (13 March 2008):
I have to agree with the other person who answered your question...32 versus 17 is a huge gap in maturity and your sex drive must be cranking! I suggest, as the other parent did that you get over it and find someone closer your age or at least of legal age. If you can't wait, then you're not as mature and thinking sensibly as you should. Just think about this, if you had a 17 year old daughter, would you want her seeing a man twice her age? I'll be you can relate more to her parents than you can to her!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 March 2008):
As a parent of daughters I wouldn't allow it either and there would be nothing you could say that would change my mind. I guess you wait until she is a legal adult and not living under her parent's roof.
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