A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am 7 weeks pregnant, me and my partner were togther for about 4 years and now have been broken up for almost a year now but he now has a new girfriend of about 6 months. He wants to terminate, he feels as if he's not ready and that he is scared he won't be able to be a good father. What should I do? I've currently decided to keep the baby because I have a strong disbelief in abortion and it's just not right but I don't know if this is the right choice with him having a girlfriend and him not feeling like he is ready. What do you think is the best thing to do??? pleaassseee help me
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/twins-at-13---this-site-helped.html
Check out this url. It is the link to a girl who shared your predicament. Maybe talking to her will help.
Take care
I'm glad that you decided to keep the baby!!! Keep us posted!!
Take Care
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): thanku all for the feedback..i have a very good support system..my family is behind me 100%...he has admitted that he is excited but at the same time he doesnt want to mess up hes scared and not ready..but neither am i..im terrified and knowing that my family is there for me only keeps me going..so my decision to keep this baby is for the best i believe bc i dont want to terminate and regret it for the rest of my life..i believe i can do this forget about his girlfriend and all that bc we werent thinking of this when we were having sex.
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A
male
reader, thebeardedguy  +, writes (21 September 2009):
Don't!
Otherwise you will guilty about this all your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Please do not have an abortion. Your ex will learn to love your child. Your baby is already alive and you cannot kill it now. If you really feel as if you cannot give it the best life or that you cannot deal with it then adoption is the best option. This will save a life and help 1 of those tousands of couples who will not be able to have the love and blessings that a child can bring.
Please do the right thing.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 September 2009):
At the end of it, it's your decision. You've said you don't want to abort it because of your beliefs, and ultimately you are going to bear the brunt of this either way, whether you keep it or not. Whatever you believe, you have to go with that. Lots of luck. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): You really shouldn't be making the choice about aborting based on his convenience. It should be about whether you can take care of the child and whether you are ready to be the sole provider for a whole new life. Its not a brand new toy. It will take about 20 years of hard work and of your life. A baby is a major responsibility and you should try to provide the most you can for it. Abortion should not be means of radical contraception. Besides. You have already made up your mind. You have strong feelings in regards to abortion and to have one would eat at youfor the rest of your life. If you were another woman who did not have this sort of feelings in regards to abortion, I would still have asked you to do what you thought would be right for you. If you had had expectations of education, traveling, if you felt you hadn't fullfilled what you needed to before you dedicated your life to another life. Those things.Abortion is clearly not for you and he will just have to accept it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): he probably feels that way because he doesnt want his girlfriend finding out, wants to forget you, doesnt want baggage and doesnt want to pay you money to keep the baby every month for the rest of his life.
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A
female
reader, Youngmummy +, writes (21 September 2009):
 it is not his desion and he obviously cheated on his new girlfriend with you so maybe he does not want her to find out i wasnt ready i was 13 and was pregnant with twins and you dont need his help i did it with just family and friends helping me and i made it through, so you can! anyone can find away yes you are young but age is just a number...look at my picture u could have one of them in your arms in under 9 months it is no ones desion just yours but i would not have an abortion pm me if you want to talk remember i have been there x.MumOfTwinsAt13.x (and proud to say it!)
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A
female
reader, ffogalilly +, writes (21 September 2009):
The decision to keep the baby or terminate is yours.When I found out that I was pregnant, I chose not to tell the father, and terminated my pregnancy. But after I had the termination, I tried to tell him and he would just ignore me so I just gave up. Just remember its your choice, not his and if you choose to terminate make him help pay for it. I don't regret my decision, because there was no possible way I could have been financially stable to care for a child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): I dont understand, if he's with a girl for 6 months, and you are 7 weeks pregnant with his child, he cheated on her with you? If I understand that correctly, I dont think he has a future with his current gf if he's been cheating. So who cares about that relationship, whether you have the baby or not shouldn't be dependent on their relationship.
He made the decisions that led to you being pregnant as well! So he needs to take responsibility. If you are against abortion, then dont have one. Ultimately YOU decide.
PS. many of those who become parents aren't feeling "ready" or well prepared. They still become amazing parents. Its a learning process.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Hi
At such a young age, do you feel that you are ready to take the sole responsibility of being a mother. As the man has told you that he is not ready, so I wonder if you can actually depend on him in the future? Having a child alone and being a single parent is no joke, nor is it an easy matter!
If you feel that you absolutely cannot let this baby go, then go ahead with your decision.
But, before that I strongly suggest that you talk to someone (who actually have gone through some situation like this) and get an accurate picture of what to expect. I can foresee some great sacrifices in the future for you! You might have to give up your life as you know it... and if you do not have a parent or sibling to depend on, then it will be many times as hard and lonesome. Please think this situation through... once you become a mother, you cannot go back... and the demands will be too many, and you are too young. BTW, how old is the man in question, can he afford to pay child support? Babies cost a lot you know!! SO, besides the emotional constraints there's also the financial side to consider... If you don't want to abort the child, consider offering for adoption...
It is your life and you know best, but plz don't get swept by emotions! Look at things with a cool head and collect all the information... while you still have time. But, plz don't jump0 into things ok!
Best of Luck and God Bless
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Really the decision to keep or to terminate is yours. He can give his opinion but you make the call. Why is he wanting to terminate? Because he will be a bad father or he is scared his girlfriend will find out about his cheating? The termination is something you will have to go through and deal with mostly on your own so you really have to sit and think about whether you can raise a child or not. Its a tough call.... If you do do it, do it for your reasons not his. I have terminated before and its something that doesn't leave you. Its a horrible experience so you have to be sure. Good luck xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): It's your baby too, if you want to keep it then you should. You should take his feelings into account but not so far as going against your beliefs and doing something which, it sounds to me, you'd never forgive yourself for.
Usually the people that are scared they won't make a good father are the ones that do make good fathers, besides if he really wasn't ready he would have used protection.
This is something you must decide, but from your question I think you already know what you want to do and that is the best thing to do.
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A
female
reader, Tessi +, writes (21 September 2009):
 Not an easy decision, but as he has a girlfriend and has cheated on her to make you pregnant its not ever gonna be an ideal situation so think maybe you need to make the choice without thinking what he wants..if you want the baby you need to decide if you can do it alone, don,t think he,ll come back to you cause my feeling is he would have done this already if he really wanted to..you need to know it,s what you want and not because of some romantic fantasy you can be a happy family.. i,m sure you,d be a great mum, but its not easy on your own..and would you be able to deal with him coming to visit and then going home to his girlfriend?? your very young, i hope whatever decision you make it works out for you..all the best..
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A
female
reader, Azure Rain +, writes (21 September 2009):
ok Im a little confused.Your 7 weeks pregnant but been broke up with him for a year and he has been with his new girlfriend for 6 months.
I don't want to sound mean but Did he cheat on his new girlfriend with you when you got pregnant?
It sounds like he is not ready for a commitment of any kind. A baby is a huge commitment and would cramp is player style.He might have told you to terminate it because he does not want the new girlfriend to find out he cheated or slept with you while they were "taking a break".
I think the best thing for you to do is keep the baby if that is what you want to do. I don't think you should go against your personal disbelief in abortion. If you terminate the pregnancy because he wants you too you will regret it for the rest of your life. And you can never have a first child again. He wants u to terminate because it would inconvience his life. He is a very selfish man for this.
This is 2009 and single moms are right up there with married moms. My mom did it with 00 help from my dad. There will be hard times but you will be ok.
And he says he is not ready to be a father he should have thought about that before he had unprotected sex with you.
Please make sure u do not have any std's cause if he has a girlfriend and sleeping with you who else is he sleeping with.
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A
female
reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (21 September 2009):
Keep the baby he should have thought about that before he slept with u with no condom. And he has to man up! Nobody is ever 100 percent ready unless u plan it. So what he has a girlfriend he cheated on her so now she will know the truth. Don't get rid of it cause u will be pregnat again and its not far to chose what baby u keep
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