A
female
age
30-35,
*bbiestar
writes:Okay, so I've been crushing on this teacher for a couple of years now, and we've gotten pretty close lately but he's been scolded and he told me we should cool things off for a while because he says he doesn't want to get me in trouble. He said he would really love to hang out when school is over though. He said we could see each other and that any feeling I'd want to express would be more than welcome as long as I'm not a student anymore. So now we've been pretty distant and I really miss him. I feel like I might come off as rude to him sometimes but it's just weird being so close to someone and then nothing. So I've been thinking lately that maybe since we're not that close anymore then he will forget that he wanted to hang out with me or maybe he won't want to anymore :Do you think he just said that so I wouldn't be sad, for the rest of the year?? And if we do end up seeing each other, what will my parents think?? I'm 18 and he's 31. Should I keep my hopes up or let it go??
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female
reader, JenL  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 i don't think he really meant it when he said that he doesn't want to get you into trouble. it sounds to me that he's worrying about himself ( getting into trouble and loose his job ) more than you.....sorry if i upset you ~
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female
reader, Drat001 +, writes (25 March 2011):
If you're going to be leaving the area (re: your "I'm going to have to say goodbye soon..." comment) within a short period, I suggest you just cut him off, politely but completely. If there's no chance of a long-term committment, then that could be largely what's fueling his interest in you; for as you said, he's immature.
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female
reader, Abbiestar +, writes (24 March 2011):
Abbiestar is verified as being by the original poster of the question Is it only the age gap or is it the fact that we are student and teacher?? :/ because in a couple months we won't be anymore, and he's dated young people before, he is kind of immature for his age.I can't help but keep in mind that he could have just said that to avoid making me feel bad. I don't know what to think!! I'm really considering cutting him off entirely. I'm gonna have to say goodbye soon anyway...
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male
reader, uncle bob  +, writes (23 March 2011):
 Walk away. You and he are too far apart in age, experience, and emotional stability. You won't be able to relate to his friends nor him with yours. You will both soon find, in public, the two of you will be scorned by others around you. His friends will think of him as something akin to a pedophile. Your friends will see him as a "dirty old man".Is this really the kind of base you want to build a relationship on?Date within your own age group. You'll end up far happier, than if you stick with this older man.
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male
reader, St. Nowhere +, writes (22 March 2011):
 I know this probably isn't the thing you want to hear but you really need to cut it off with him. Like SweetSmoochy said he's in a totally different stage in his life than you and it really isn't proper for him to have a relationship with you. He really shouldn't even be trying to have a relationship like that with a student so you should worry about that. Try dating someone closer to your own age, it will be a lot better for you honestly. I know people do date older partners sometimes but the difference between a 18 year old and a 31 year old is A LOT different than the difference between a 31 year old and say a 43 year old. You still have a lot of growing up to do and its honestly better at your age to date people in your own age group. Just my thoughts. Good luck with what ever happens!- St. Nowhere
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female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (22 March 2011):
 I don't want to seem like a typical person and say: "Honey, you shouldn't get involved... Blah blah blah.... Consequences of him losing his job... He's a grown man, you're barely an adult..."Something along the lines of that. I agree with what I started with by the way.The other day, I was speaking to my english teacher, and we got into a conversation, through a tv program, about teachers having affairs with students etc. She said to me that essentially, teachers are surrogate parents, who see their pupils as innocent young people, nothing more, nothing less. In fact she was quite grosses out by the thought. That aside, I know what it's like to have feelings for a teacher and for them to seemingly reflect them. But you really have to be careful, this man could be a little bit weird. How do you know he doesn't do the same with younger girls? If he got scolded, he's doing something wrong. You have to see that. Personally I think he's being sensible in asking for things to be cooled off, and in legal terms, what he says to you is acceptable. As long as it is only happening when he says it is (when you are 18 and no longer his student). As for your actual question, there is no need to worry about things like this. At the end of the day if he is interested in you then he won't have forgotten, and as soon as the time comes he'll be waiting for you. Otherwise, you will either anticipate the event and be disappointed, or you'll get over him and find someone else to take your interest. From what you say I don't think you're planning to break any laws or anything, so good luck. All I can say is be very careful, he sounds a little suspicious, then again, I don't know him personally, so I shan't judge. Good luck, be safe. Aliceinunderland Xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Personally, i would say forget it. If he's a teacher he shouldn't be discussing having a relationship with a student! That's worrying in itself! You've got your whole life ahead of you - i'm assuming uni soon as well where you'll meet loads of guys your own age who'll be after the same things of you and will just be at the same place in life. This teacher is 31, one main thing to consider is at that age it's unlikely to work anyway even if you did wait because he'd be wanting things like kids and marriage very soon down the line (i mean most people seetle down and have kids at 30 - my parents did at 24!) soo it's very unlikely a relationship would succeed. Plus, him discussing a relationship with a student could even lose him a job, this sort of relationship is not proffessional and i really wouldn't advise it! Find someone closer to your age at a similar stage in life and get back to the teacher-student relationship you should be happening. Going into a realtionship with this guy could be a very risky road particullarly on your part. I know this may be hard to hear but trust me i know people who've been in a similar situation and it's ended exceptionally badly with the student pregnant and the teacher imprisoned! You waiting around for him is going to do your emotions in and put your heart ina really vulnerable place for something that probably won't work. Good luck!
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (22 March 2011):
 This is really, really unhealthy, and this older man knows this. You shouldn't be worried about whether he will forget you or not, you should be wondering why a 31 year old would be interested in an 18 year old. Even if you are the most beautiful, amazing 18 year old in the world, you are in a totally different world than he is, and he knows it. He is either trying to take advantage of that aspect of you, or he is so immature that women his own age don't like him.I really hope you can see through his facade in time to save yourself from a lot of hurting and/or worse. Best of Luck
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female
reader, cupidus +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Doesn't want to get YOU into trouble?!He's protecting his career and he should, he's also protecting his score, which is you.Any feelings you'd like to EXPRESS to him?Oh this guy/teacher is really pissing me off.Get a nice guy your own age, there are a lot of really nice guys your age, actually I find there are nicer guys in your range 18-21 who are more genuine than I do of many guys over the age of 30.Don't keep your hopes up because this is HOPELESS you're going to get hurt, be strong move along, you won't regret it.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (22 March 2011):
 I wonder what he did to get scolded. Doesn't sound good. A teacher wouldn't even attempt a relationship with a soon to be ex student. Even when you are officially out of school people who recognize you wouldn't approve of it. He had the intention of starting a relationship with a student. He's only waiting to avoid legal actions. Maybe he said he wanted to hang out with you just so that you can continue liking him, because it feeds his ego. You became the reason he wakes up every morning refreshed, even if he doesn't care whether you will be satisfied. It's very selfish of him indeed to keep your hopes up. Your parents will freak out if they know you are seeing each other. That "being so close to someone and then nothing" is called dreaming. This happens everyday in affairs that go nowhere.
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female
reader, Drat001 +, writes (22 March 2011):
"he says he doesn't want to get me in trouble."He might say he doesn't want you to get into trouble, but really it's HIM he doesn't want to get into trouble. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but it's a truth that when an adult tries to sexually abuse a minor, the main thing they tell, and keep reinforcing in the child's mind is that if the child tells, the child will get into trouble. Saying something like that is a huge warning sign. If he said he doesn't want to get into trouble, or in the context of not getting you into trouble there is a long discussion about all the things that could happen, including him losing his job/going to jail, that's different. But, if he ever says to you again that you could get into trouble if you told anyone about the relationship, I suggest looking for love elsewhere.
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