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They're all calling me fat but I know I'm not. How can I get this through to them?

Tagged as: Family, Health, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 October 2007) 11 Answers - (Newest, 1 November 2007)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

My mother is constantly calling me fat, and her and her friends have a nickname for me 'fatso'.

Im 140lbs and 5'7'', and her constant putting down of my weight and bodyshape is really annoying me.

When she was my age she had a very kate moss style body shape, and did have up till a few years ago.

I, on the other hand, have a much more hourglass figure, like Kelly Brook, and carry my weight differently to her.

She is constantly telling me off for eating or not exercising enough, Ive heard her speaking to my brothers and her friends about me being overweight, and my brothers have also sat next to me throughout dinner whispering 'fat' all meal.

It's really getting me down, I try to exercise as much as I can, but with school work and trying to relax (i get stressed very easily) it's hard to find time.

I feel really bad, and fat. Please help.

xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007):

Oh my gosh! when i was reading this i couldn't believe it! they cannot go on treating you like this! you need to talk to your mother and even the other people who do it if necessary. tell her that you are getting very stressed by the way she is treating you and you've had enough. and an hourglass figure is the desired figure! kelly brook is very famous for her curves (as you've mentioned), along with other famous people like rose mcgowan, beyonce, rihanna, and marilyn monroe was very famour for her figure aswell. you never know, they might just be jealous. good luck! :) x

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A male reader, Uncle Trev United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2007):

5'7" at 140lbs (10 stone or 66kgs) is I would have thought about right for you. I wouldn't have thought this amount to be over or underweight.

Sounds as if the person who is criticising your weight resembles a member of the Kate Moss Stick Insect gang. By what you say your mother is a very cold hearted nasty piece of work who is very shallow, heartless and entirely inconsiderate and uncompassionate as well.

Getting her friends to call her own daughter fatso - even if you weighed 370lbs is just not the thing any respectful or responsable mother would ever do.

Your problem is not your weight - it is your fatuous mother and with an attitude like this it is not going to be very long before she finds herself a very lonely old decrepid woman which will be entirely of her own making.

Your weight and height impress me like it would impress well over 90% of the worlds male population so don't let your weight worry you and raise above your mothers stupidity.

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A female reader, Strippa United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2007):

Strippa agony auntHey you

You don't have to get this through to them - i think they already know that you are beautiful wich is why, as sick as this is, they do it. Very few people want to be skeletal - look at your mum with your "woman eyes" - did she used to be thinner, prettier, healthier, fresher, sexier than she is?..... the answer will be yes to all of those questions and on top of that the mind has gone ugly enough to be mean to her own daughter in the most personal ways.As much as you love your family next time they are mean imagine a lemmon - cos my girlfriend - they are bitter xxxx i'm not suprised you get easily stressed!!!!!

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A female reader, Blue_Angel0316 United States +, writes (30 October 2007):

Blue_Angel0316 agony aunt Body types have alot to do with how your weight is distributed. Certain factors can include body water, which means you have more lean tissue. A person who is considered big boned has more mass in their skeletal makeup thus making them look larger. Another point to consider is that of muscle tissue. Muscles weight more than fat! People who have more muscle mass look bigger and exercise can make the muscles increase in size. exercise can also cause you to loose weight and reporportion your body weight. Your age plays a determining role along with your height. Using particular muscles more can make those certain muscles become larger also.

So you see there are several different factors to look at. Don't be hard on yourself. Be confident and know that you are probably fine just the way you are. It is possible that others view you in the same manner as they view themselves. If they have low self esteem then they may be looking at you the same way and being way too critical.

If your Mom is doing this then you have to take a stand. Be assertive and positive. Be the best you can be and I am sure it will carry you thru. Don't allow someone elses clouded judgement to bring you down. I weight 170 lbs and I am 5'71/4" inches tall. I am 2 parts Cherokee Indian and part Scottish, English and Irish. I have big bones. I am also topheavy. You see different things can make a difference in your weight. It's ok to be you!

God sees and he knows what you are facing. He is in your court! Talk to him and he will help to see you thru. God bless you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

Your mother is probably jealous of your nice figure. You are certainly not even close to being fat at that height and weight.

According to the latest thinking of the medical community in the US, the range of healthy body weights for your height is 118 to 159 pounds. At 140 pounds, you are right in the middle of that range. You would not be considered overweight until 160 pounds. My wife is 5'5" and 120 pounds. She was once 128 pounds, which is about the same as you for her height and weight. I thought she looked fantastic at 128 pounds. You should look just perfect at your height and weight.

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A female reader, elliebellie United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2007):

dont worry. if ur a teenager youll get a bit of that, i mean my mum says u shud do a bit more excersise. but she dusnt keep on saying im fat and i need to lose weight. i think you shud talk to your mum and tell her you find it upsetting when she tells you that ur too fat. communication wud help here i think. if she sees ur upset then she shud stop.

lol

laura

xxx

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A male reader, Asexy United States +, writes (30 October 2007):

Asexy agony auntDo NOT let your mother's issues become your own. At your height/weight you are beautifully proportioned. I'm so glad that you know this!

You might tell your mother that you don't find the Hollywood stick figures attractive. Tell her that you have a healthy attitude toward your appearance, and that she is REALLY eroding your self-confidence.

Check out this site: http://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-living/weight-management/learn-the-basics/ideal-weight/healthy-weight

Find out what your BMI is (Body/Mass Index). Once you have those tools, you'll have a better ability to tell your mother to back off.

In the meantime, compromise. Eat healthy (and by this I mean lean meats, vegetables, whole grains, etc., NOT diet-food). And exercise. It's better for you anyway.

Talk to your mom. Remind her that self-confidence is sexy, and neurosis is NOT. She's making you neurotic, and thus making you very un-sexy. That she's letting your brothers pick on you like that is UNFORGIVABLE. Good luck hon.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

no offence but your mum is mean. you shouldn't deserve to be treated like that! My mum says that sometimes to me, and so does my family, and yes it does hurt a hell of a lot, but I push it aside because i'm happy with how I am, and I know I'm not fat no matter what others think. That is one way how eating disorders happen. Fairy Lu is right about that.

Hope I've helped you.

X

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A female reader, Fairy_Lu United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2007):

Fairy_Lu agony auntHow mean is that! Thats the sort of behaviour that gives people eating disroders! You need to tell her to stop this now! Who want to be skinny and sick looking like Kate Moss when you can be curvy and womaly like Marilyn Monroe

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

the simple way to prove your arguement is via cold hard facts. Your BMI is your body mass index and that measures basically if you have a good weight for your height. you have a bmi of 21.9 which is nearly exactly in the middle of the healthy range (the healthy range for a female is 18.5 to 24.9). Scientific evidence has shown that you are at a perfect body weight and so anyone that says otherwise is being either ignorant or cruel for no reason. Tell yor mum and brothers this and then anything they say against will make them look stupid - they are arguing with proven facts! Whether they try and put you down again or if they realise you are right, be content in the knowledge that you are a perfect weight and so just ignore anything they say.

Ps- despite what egghead says, being rude will not get you anywhere and will make you look like the pathetic person here, not your siblings and mother.

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A female reader, baybee-x-sparkii United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2007):

baybee-x-sparkii agony auntignore your mum, wear stuff that asentuates your figure [makes you look skinnier] and believe in yourself. its harsh that your mum is being like this but if you ignore it and change your style maybe your mum would see that you are beautiful.which you are already.

sparkii x

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