A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My son has started a relationship with a man 20years his senior. This is his first gay relationship. I want to support my son but cannot support the age difference. What can they have in common?- I'm bewildered. How can I give positive feedback when in my heart I don't think it could ever be a successful relationship. Is honesty the best policy or should I go along with it and hide my true feelings. A very concerned Mum. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): Just sit tight as it might not end up a mistake! Just because there is 20 years between them doesn't automatically mean it won't work out. I am gay and 24 and have been with my bf for over three years, and he is 19 years my senior. I can't speak for your son, but for me it wasn't anything about having an older bf, was just the man I fell in love with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): I think you have to sit back and let your son make his own mistakes. He could be just experimenting. Age is never an issue in my book but it is to some people. Just be there for him and love him.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (30 October 2007):
 I just have to tell you not to worry my brother did the same thing lasted all of about 2 months, i think its to do with being new to the gay scene not knowing what to do and how to meet people (kinda like a father figure for the gay scene) eventually your son will go out to clubs and bars and find someone his own age who he has lots in common with. I know you dont accept the age diffrence but get to know your sons new man invite him round for dinner or drinks atleast pretend to like him for your son (because if your son is anything like my brother he will always go on about how hard young gay guys have it) just live with it for now i doubt it will last long though.
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (30 October 2007):
 I have not been a mother for long enough to understand what you must be going through, but i will answer anyway. Many men - who have their first GAY relationships look up to older men. These older men are more experienced in Gay relationships and thus the 'newbies' look to them for guidance. It is possible that your son knows that this is not the 'one' but for the sake of experience would like to go ahead. The age difference is quite scary but be assured that all people differ in their preferences, and thus, the age gap might not bother your son. It will soon enough become clear as daylight to your son if they don't have anything in common. Your job as mother has always been to protect and love unconditionally. I take my hat off to you for trying to be supportive but a mother has to cut their ties to their son sooner or later. When you do this - you might be afraid that he will get hurt, and blame yourself for it, but your son is a grown man (i assume). His time has come to make his own decisions, and suffer the consequences. You need to support him, regardless of your own feelings, and just assure him that he can always talk to you. And be there for him when it fails. All he needs, is your love.
Good luck
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