A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am not sure if I should have sex or not and I was hoping for some input based on the following1. I REALLY want to have sex2. I trust my partner and have been with him for three years. 3. I feel at 25 I should be having sex or at least have had it once however that said1. I am not sure I want to have sex with my partner. even thought I trust him and he is a very respectful person towards me, i can honestly say I do not love him. 2. I only want to have sex because I feel I should have done by now. 3. I only want to have sex because I am aroused a lot of the time and masturbation just isn't cutting it anymore. 4. I feel like I am missing out. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Leave him and find someone worn giving it to!!! U will regret it if you give it to him
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 December 2010):
 OP, I can sympathise. I know how it feels to be in a relationship and your man not want you sexually.
My ex BF was exactly the same. He point blank refused to have sex with me. I am also still a virgin, but 27, so I have a couple of years on you, and I know how tough it can be, and the pressures you feel.
It can be very difficult being a virgin at 25+, you are made to feel like a freak of nature and guys run a mile because they think you are either frigid or there is something terribly wrong with you.
But hang in there. If you do not love this guy, then move on. Find a man who does love you and who wants to have sex with you. There are many many men out there - you just have to go find one.
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female
reader, rubyrose  +, writes (2 December 2010):
im with you in wanting to get things a bit more exciting, but i think if you've waited this long it really is worth waiting a little bit longer until you find someone who you actually love..
thats just my input, but i think you may regret it otherwise
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male
reader, happy140  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 I was shocked to read your “OLD” for a virgin. What is wrong with giving that gift to your husband if you want? I do not think every relationship needs to have sex. If you want to wait, wait, if not, do not. Virginity has become as common giving up as buying a pack of gum, no second thoughts to it. Thought SHOULD be put into it. It has and never ever gets a second chance, and should be used only when you are positive that is what you want. You are not getting a second shot. Just think first and do what you want to do but not spontaneously. Spice up the masterbation by being together but not intercourse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Why do you think guys will be put off you because you're a virgin? You'll find a lot of DECENT men will really like you for it and admire the fact you waited and chose them to lose it to.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 But... so what the plan would be ?
Having sex with this guy so that you can get rid of your virginity, then dumping him ?
Or would you keep staying with him and having sex regularly even if you don't love him ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Like most of the answers here, I'm amazed you have been with someone for 3 years and have not felt like embarking on a sexual relationship. If you don't love him, finish it and move on. Find someone you like and fancy like mad, then you can have a full relationship rather than basically a friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): I agree. 3 years is a long time to be in a relationship without sex. It sounds more like a friendship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): I am the OP - I havent registered so I hoping that you guys just look the question up again as it wont tell you I have posted again.
Okay- I do not love him. I cannot expalin why. I just don't. BUT we have a great relationship, we have fun together and laugh. He has never cheated and I doubt he ever will.
I havent had sex yet as I was rejected by my previous partner. MY ex bf refused to have sex with me and I literally needed therapy to get over that rejection. I was 19 at the time. So then I got over this rejection, only my current partner also rejected me, and that took another two years of therapy. Only now have I got to the point of being okay with the fact that not one but TWO men didn't try to have sex with me.
I didn't deprive myself of sex. I was in two loving relationships where my partners didnt make a move on me which practically shattered my self esteem. This guy is only having sex with me after much discussion. So i'm thinking should I take up the chance?
Most of you say no as I don't love him. But I am getting OLD to be a virgin and any new men I meet will be turned off by the fact that I am a virgin.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (1 December 2010):
Just out of interest, how have you been in a relationship for 3 years and never had sex?
Surely any man in that a relationship that long would have made a move before now?
If you do not love him, why are you with him?
Leave the poor guy, find a man who you do love, and let your current boyfriend find a girl who wants him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Why have you been with this guy for three years if you don't even love him? I don't think you should have sex just because you feel you 'should'. That's just silly to be honest, teenagers say them kind of things and have sex because they feel they 'should' or they're influenced, etc. Only have sex if you really WANT to, not because you feel you HAVE to.
It's entirely up to you whether you want to have sex or not. If it's what you want and you are 100% comfortable with this man, then I don't see why not. But it's your decision whether you want to loose your virginity with someone you don't love. And you need to be aware that if you do meet someone you DO really love, you may regret not loosing it to him. Personally, none of that really matters to me, but I know it does to a lot of people.
This is your choice and your choice alone, nobody else's. Only you can decide what you want to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Can I be completely honest? You are definitely not like most people. I think that to have withheld yourself from sex for so long is being harsh on yourself. It is unhealthy and unnecessary, and quite frankly it sounds masochistic to have deprived yourself of this experience up until the age of 25. It is not natural. Some say the first experience should be with someone you love, but in reality that's just an ideal that many people don't get the privilege of having. If by a certain age you haven't found someone you're in love with, do yourself a favor and at least give yourself the privilege of experiencing sex while you're still young. Another thing, why do you stay with someone you don't love? That makes no sense. And another thing, if your partner has been with you for three years, and despite you not willing to have sex with him in all that time, he STILL didn't cheat on you, then he must be the rarest most awesome creature on earth - so then my question to you becomes, how in the world can you not love somebody like that? There are a lot of things that come to mind reading your dilemma... there's a lot of stuff you need to think about... and I've laid some of it out for you here, I think. Sounds to me like you have some serious "denial" issues going on in your mind. A lot of not being honest with yourself and not being true to yourself is going on here.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (1 December 2010):
 This isn't really a questions that any of us should answer for you. You are the one who will have to live by your decision, not us. To be honest, the fact that you are on here asking a bunch of strangers tells me that no, you probably shouldn't have sex with your boyfriend. You are wanting sex for all of the wrong reasons, to be perfectly frank. But..if you just want to have sex to say "yes, I had sex, I'm no longer a virgin" and you can live with the aftermath, then do it. It is was me, I'd wait. First time sex is different for everyone. I think guys (I'm not judging, just guessing!) just want to get it out of the way, while alot of girls want it to be special, and something that they can look back on with a happy memory. My first time was with a long term relationship and was very special. I'm very happy that it wasn't just a quick fumble with someone I didn't care about. But that's me. Whatever you decide, just be sure its something you won't regret. Good luck!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Yeah I'm dying to know also, why are you wasting your time with someone you definitely don't love?
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Most people want their first sexual experience to have meaning.
But then some weaken, forget their resolve, and rush into an ill thought out fumbled encounter with a newish acquaintence. Not love, but really lust. Which leaves then disappointed with their first experience.
For that reason it has much more impact if your first experience is with a person you love deeply
Dont waste the event with a person who you do not love.
You have been with your current partner for 3 years. Yet do not love him?
I am very happy that he's respectful to you. But how do you expect to find your one true love if you contine to live with a man who you do not love?
There is no need for impatience.
If you ever were in love with your current partner, then what made you fall out of love with your current partner?
Is there any way this relationship could be developed and saved?
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 December 2010):
I guess if you don't love your partner then the answer should be no. You would be using a person just for sex- the same thing so many embittered Dear Cupiders accuse men of doing.
It would be interesting to know why you are still with this guy.
It would also be interesting to know why you never had sex before. ( In view of having sex with another partner).
If it because you belong to a religion which forbids premarital sex, and you care about been coherent with what your religion teaches, then the interdiction is still on.
If it's because you were a late bloomer, or you were waiting for someone you could trust, or something like that,...
well, at 25 I think you are surely mature and responsible enough to take charge of your sexual life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): It's upto you whether you want to have sex or not. For some people sex is very important to them and want to make sure that they do it at the correct time with the correct person. If you dont feel 100% with this guy and sex means this way to you then dont do it. Or if its just because your nervous, the guy should be very patient and understanding if he cares. Theres no rush to have sex. Do it when your ready. But once you do, it will open up many doors for you. It feels great and means alot when you do it with a partner who you really care about. So dont rush into it. Do it when your completely ready. You say you dont love the guy? find someone you love. And do it with them. Hope this helps. Gemma
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I believe that this is a personal decision. I wish I would have waited until I was with someone that I really loved and deeply cared for and I didn't.
If you want to have sex because you feel now is the right time, then have sex. If you don't love your partner, I probably wouldn't have sex with that person, but again that is a personal decision.
Depending on where your morals and values are.
Some people like to wait for marriage before they have sex and others don't. Some feel that they know when the right time is and they have sex when they feel it is the right time for them.
I think that if you feel it's the right time, then go for it. But don't have sex just because you feel pressured to because you haven't yet, there is nothing wrong with waiting until you feel comfortable and safe having sex.
Good luck to you. Update me.
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male
reader, Mig29  +, writes (1 December 2010):
If you have a good relationship and feel comfertable with the relationship, go ahead, dont think too much about it
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