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female
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*azzy
writes: I met a man at work when he came from an agency to cover shifts, we went for a drink after work and had a kiss in his car the only thing is he's married and wants us to have an affair.Should i because i don't want anyone full time and it would suit us both.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): how do impotent men have sex?
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female
reader, carebear  +, writes (10 May 2006):
 CazzyDo not Trust this man anyone that can cheat on their partner is a LIAR beware put your feeling to 1 side for a moment when he goes home bet the wife ask how was your day? what did you do? and he will LIE to her face now if that don't tell you anything you must be diluded by love but that is YOU what about HIM he will say it's the house kids anything to excuse his behaviour he quite possibly will tell you all about his wife but is he telling you the truth I was the wife at 1 point and the mistress found out the truth as I told her and it was not what my ex was portraying get out now before it really gets a hold on you and all ends in tears
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (10 May 2006):
 Hey everyone wasting their time answering this post, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!
Cazzy, you have obviously made your choice, no advice given to you will change that, and no excuses made for your man will excuse cheating on his wife and kids!
Good luck to you both, you deserve each other, hopefully you'll end up married, but bet you don't trust him!
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reader, NG +, writes (10 May 2006):
hello caddy,I really don't want to judge you, I know that one thing leads to another. I am in your situation...and I'm hurting. They are married, and beleive it or not, if he has to choose where he wants to stay he will stay with his family for a number of reasons including children. What I'm afraid of is you. Your are going to get hurt....and you're spending time with this man and you haven't got any chances to get to know other single guys out there who are just for you and ready to stay with you and make you happy. Think about it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2006): Cazzy, if "you don't want anyone fulltime"...why a married man? Why not a single, available guy? Anytime you consider having illicit sex with a married man you are risking deep pain, to his wife and kids and yourself, eventually. If you do this..I hope you can separate your heart from all this because women generally can't do that. Have you even considered that what he has told you (the abuse)- as being BS? Men who step out on their wives generally are liars. Why would you ever think he would not lie to you? You'ld be amazed what married guys will tell women when they want to have sex with them. So yes, you are being gullible to fall for this scam. Not to mention, to even consider interfering with another woman's marriage is pretty sad. This man is a cad. He's chasing you and you need to end this before it starts. Just because a women is chased, charmed and coerced by a married man, doesn’t ever mean she has to give in. This happens to many single women and most of them say NO. Why? Because being chased by a pathetic, bored married man is probably the most predictable occurrence in the lives of ALL single women. Discrimination and smart thinking are what's needed here to discern what type of man-would be good for your life. Any woman who bases her life plans on a married man needs to have a strong dose of reality. He isn’t going anywhere. That’s why he’s still married. He knows full well, that what he decides to do about extra marital relationships will affect his children's happiness for the rest of his life. So both of you- drop the ego massage, before this gets underway. The last thing you both need is to discover that you are irresistible to each other and then who will pay the ultimate price...his wife and kids.
One last thing, women who have affairs with married men seem to not understand that marriage is much more than just a physical and sexual relationship. It's a committment of the highest type. People are not always necessarily happy sexually, in their marriage relationships. But for many folks, the connection of marriage means- solidarity of family, children, a home, extended family, shared properties and assets. This is why many married men look for flings. It's simply a temporary itch, he needs filling. Nothing more. These men really do love their wives and kids.. because the bonds, the emotional connections do run deep, and that, for many people, is much more important than an occasional 'roll in the sack'. I worry about your 'heart' in all this...so many women allow sex drive their emotions and their heartfelt feelings. Be careful here...you may fall for him and you could get very hurt. That all said, my heart goes out to you. You must be a lonely person to consider this type of relationship. Do you not think you have what it takes to be in a committed, happy, loving relationship with an available man? It is time you to kick this married guy's butt to the curb and begin building yourself a new life, one with a happy future...be it on your own or with someone who can give you so much more.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (9 May 2006):
 He is telling you he is in an obusive relationship is he? This is a slightly different answer form what you ahve given before. I do question your morals because he is a married man with children. If he is an abusive relationship as he alleges, why is he risking his wife finding out about you two and making it worse?
I am sorry but you have no morals and you are desperately trying to justify both of your behaviour by saying he is unhappy. If he is that unhappy he should leave his wife! If he cares so much for the psychological well-being of his children (which I presume is why he is staying with his wife?) then why doesn't he get out? Children will pick up on an abusive environment. You see that is why I have no sympathy for him and you. And that is also why I feel you are being taken for a ride and treated like a sucker.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): I had an affair with a married man recently, I thought I could handle it because his family lived in another state. He told me they had an "open marriage" -which I sort of thought was bullshit at the time. The only reason I went ahead was that I had just survived a life threatening trauma and I was in this weird state of mind..."just get happiness where you can, because life is short" ...that's what I was telling myself. Plus, I didn't think I'd get hurt, or hurt anyone else. I thought it would just be a two week fling. He wasn't my type and I never thought I'd fall for him. Somehow I fell in love, he fell in love and now we are both miserable and of course, his wife found out. He went home, and now I feel responsible for her unhappiness too. Here's how this might play out. The thing is, your guy probably is looking for intimacy as well as sex. He probably is unhappy in his marriage, but there is a reason he hasn't left yet. Try to find out why before you get involved. I'm guessing it's the kids. At least that's what he thinks. BUT, he will always have his emotional safety net at home, so he can risk BIG intimacy with you, and will probably fall in love with you. He will make you feel like no one else has. Because he is so courageous with his love, because of the safety net! But you don't have a safety net and if you sleep with him long enough, you will fall in love too..then when it ends, he probably won't leave his wife for you (because there is a reason he hasn't left!!) and you will feel even more alone than you did before. The wife will suffer, but it's possible that you will suffer more because you will have brought it on yourself and then you will feel alone, and abandoned. Find out why, if he is that miserable in his marriage why he stays. It's hard to respect someone who makes that choice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): like i said before dont lie to yourself. you're still going to hurt people here. not only yourself but his kids. they'll always hate you because you're that "OTHER WOMAN" and like i said before again.. he's probably pulling this with other women, not just you. and yes it is about sex.. dont even go there.. you know deep down that you're just waiting for the right place and time for it! you need to leave that man alone. its just all wrong! its sick! its sad! its everything! if it doesnt feel right thats because it isnt right!
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female
reader, bridetobe +, writes (9 May 2006):
 I am in a rocky relationship at the moment and have felt lonely. A married man at work has offered me a shoulder to cry on and I have started to have feelings for him. Although nothing has happening I know it could. You have to say to yourself if I feel that much for him and he feels that much for me I will let him go and he will come back to me (when seperated). If his marriage is as bad as you say it is. You won't have long to wait!!
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female
reader, cazzy +, writes (9 May 2006):
cazzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno no you're wrong i'm not gullible and i haven't fell for the old line "my wife doesn't understand me" he is in an abusive relationship if he was female you'd have sympathy for him, ok he should get a divorce first but there are children to consider and if he just wanted me for sex why haven't we done anything apart from kiss!this guy is in need of a friend which is all i've been so far to him but if things develop further then so be iti have never had an affair before so please do not question my morals as i've already done that myself
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (8 May 2006):
Whyask for advice if you will not take it on board. People on this site obviously give you the advice they think is correct....you cannot see it but it WILL all blow up in your face. At some point the wife will find out and then were will he be? I do not care if YOU get hurt cos after this advice you have gone into this with your eyes wide open. You have no morals and you have no idea about how she will be hurt when she finds out. Obviously you are a sucker who will believe anything a man will say in order to get you into bed....after all that is all this is....cheap sex!
I hope you enjoy your time with him. I hope when you settle down somebody does the same thing to you.
Good luck with your future....you will need it!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): your dumb for going for it. dont lie to yourself..you are a housewrecker! just in case you havent notice one thing about men is that they'll say anything to get into a womans pants! that is so...if he feels "so alone" and "needing love" and isnt bout sex, then why the hell doesnt he just divorce his wife! this whole thing is just ridiculous..you're ridiculous! I hope his wife finds out so she could put you in your place! end of story.
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reader, NG +, writes (8 May 2006):
hello caddy. I have a question for you! Why r u asking if you should go for it when you have already decided about it. these people are giving you advice but you don't want to listen.
let me tell you one thing, I'm not judging you....not at all. I'm not saying that you should or should not go for it.
if I were to leave his wife out of the question, I would ask you...how you're going to feel when he will turn you down one day because his wife needs his help, or because his wife need attention or even because he needs to relate with his wife. What about if she gets pregnant, or whatabout valentine's day. this relationship is going to rip you apart.
If he wants you, let him be single again and then it will be up to you.
Good luck...open your eyes
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female
reader, soletshearit +, writes (8 May 2006):
 If you aren't looking for anything serious now then find someone in the same situation as yourself....SINGLE...that poor woman, I feel so sorry for her! If you ever get married and your husband does this to you, I wonder if you would have the same viewpoint. I hope that one day if this ever happens to you nobody gives you sympathy...haven't you a conscience?
You obviously have low expectations for yourself if you can only have a married man...that poor woman will be completely destroyed if she finds out...if he wants casual sex from you that bad then he would call it off with his wife instead of using you for a bit! You know no self respect...women have taken their lives from situations like this! What horrible people you two are.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (8 May 2006):
Whatever!!!!
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female
reader, cazzy +, writes (8 May 2006):
cazzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i said i'd post back so here goes.
we went out a few times more and i found i really enjoyed his company, i've gotten to know him and he's told me about his marriage and what's wrong with it and its not just about sex!
lots of you are feeling sorry for his wife and saying i have no morals and that i should do the right thing
is it right that a person lives unhappily just because he got married
i am still seeing him and i will continue to do so
without wrecking his marriage!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2006): everyone here is right! yes its his decision to cheat on his wife, but you're going along with it and are a part of it. open your eyes woman! it doesnt take binoculars to see that. thats sick if you know what i mean. having sloppy seconds. it isnt like being with a single man and not knowing if he's married or not...you know this man is married and thats discusting. he's problaby doing this with other women. aside from all that, havent you thought about this mans wife or if he even has kids. if he does this behind her back and she finds out later it may cause them to divorce and then this will make you a housebreaker! how would you live with yourself. oh i forgot you dont seem to mind...
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (6 May 2006):
 oh and by the way what I said to was not out of order two worngs do not make a right you ate as bad as he is you have no standards and you do not know how to behave
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): i really dont think its a good idea. and im finding it hard to believe you have even questioned it, if you put yourself in his wifes shoes it would break you heart and you know it would. also i think you need to think about the fact that there could be more than 1 other women that he has asked that same question too. just dont get hurt, and dont hurt others!!
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female
reader, cazzy +, writes (27 April 2006):
cazzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionangel ron
the private message u sent me was out of order!
oh and by the way if u fancy urself as a hairdresser i could actually do with a trim
most people are saying here that it's all my fault he wants an affair with me, i'm not married he's the one doing wrong by his wife, if it wasn't me then it would be some1 else
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 April 2006):
 Next time you are visiting a prison look around and see all the murderers, I guess that makes killing okay then, following you logic that is.
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (26 April 2006):
no its totally wrong you should be a shamed find a man of your own . if its approval you want you are not going to get it from anyone, accept from people who have no morals or standards.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (25 April 2006):
Yes but they probably will not come on here and ask for approval will they?
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female
reader, cazzy +, writes (25 April 2006):
cazzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i probably was looking for approvali'm not heartless!! what do u think i thought when he asked me for a drink? you're married so yes lets go! my friends husband had an affair and it left her devastated but she told me to go for it,yes i probably will just do it anyway i'll post back whether i do or not next time you're out at the pub or club take a look around at the men that are chatting up women and vice versa just for a 1 night stand and take a guess at how many of them have said they're single!
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (25 April 2006):
Hmm..... your right here Martini, it's not advice Cazzy was looking for, but approval, not sure she'll get that!
Get the feeling that you will go for it anyway Cazzy, you're not interested in how this could effect others, you like him and you want him regardless of the consequences!
I hope when you find Mr Right someone out there, just like you, gives you a taste of your own medicine, see how you'll like it, someone else shagging your husband!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2006): Well, I'm not going to scold you like everybody else here, cuz I mean, I'm just wondering, are you like an under-developed 10 year old?
What type of question is that??!?! Sometimes it really mind-boggles me how stuff like this get asked. I mean there is absolutely NO dilemma in this question! If you want to have an affair, do it. Who's stopping you? Why are you asking strangers for approval?
[sigh]
This is fucking disgusting.
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female
reader, cazzy +, writes (24 April 2006):
cazzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni've read through the advice given to me and alot of you say i have no self respect i do, lots of you feel sorry for his wife but he's said she does the same, i know he might be lying trying to excuse his behaviour, how is his wife going to find out? i'm not going to tell her! now i wasn't keen at first on seeing him but after we had a drink i found i quite like him, but i wouldn't want him to leave his wife for me, lots of marriages don't work but people stay together for one reason or another seeking another life away from home
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (24 April 2006):
 Cazzy, this person has absolutely no respect for you, his wife and most of all himself. He should NEVER have kissed you. He is married and has the audacity to suggest having an affair. If he will do this to his wife, sure enough he will do it to you. Cazzy, find a man who respects you and himself. xXx
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2006): where is YOUR self respect? you don't want to be the kind of woman who sleeps with a married man! Instead, stand up for your pride and let him know that if he wants this to go any further, he has to break it off with his wife. obviously, if he doesn't intend on ending it with his wife and he is willing to cheat on her, than he is not that great of a man and is not worth it! You deserve more than just a fling with a untrusting man.however, if he feels that YOU are worth it, than he will break it off with his wife. and then your relationship can go further and you will know that this man is totally into you. Whatever you do, make sure you arn't comprimising your self respect.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 April 2006):
 How do you think it would "suit" his wife? Do you have any morals. If all your after is sex, get it somewhere else. A woman can get sex whenever she wants so why destroy thiw other woman? Take a look in the mirror and you'll see a selfish person.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (24 April 2006):
Sure it would suit you, no strings and no commitment, same for him, but what about his WIFE!!!!
Find a single guy who's happy with a casual relationship, believe me there's plenty out there!
Tell this man to do his wife a favour, get a divorce and then he can have as much casual sex as he wants! Men and women like you two have a lot to answer for! Try reading through some of these pages and see what affairs do to peoples lives, harmless fun to you two maybe, soul destroying for the wife who finds out about you!
Do the right thing, tell him to get lost!
Good luck!
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female
reader, Clarey +, writes (24 April 2006):
 I feel sorry for his wife. If life could be all about convenience with no repurcussions and nobody had to work for worthwhile things, wouldn't it be a bit empty? The situation may make you unhappy in the future. Women find it very hard to have a sex life and pay no emotional currency. It may be possible to convince yourself that this is the case for now but more than likely you may end up in a pickle. I would find someone else who wants a light relationship, but who is not married.
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