A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. Recently I got chatting with a guy on facebook who 's friends with some of my friends. We got on well, made each other laugh, and so after about 2 days of this he invited me for a drink, which also went really well. Fast forward 2 weeks, I've been staying round his a lot, and he's so lovely to me. He cooks for me, always making sure I'm okay, telling me I'm really beautiful. We slept together, and he makes me feel really confident about myself. He even gave me the spare key to his flat because he lives closer to my work when I finish at 3am. However, he asked me out and I said no, I needed to think.. because he has a history of being a player. I've been told how he'd sleep with anyone, and how he used to chat to girls online to get them to sleep with him, and how he gets bored really quickly. I know for a fact when he was younger (he's 25 now) he was in a 2 year relationship, but since then nothing of note. A lot of short ones from what I can gather. He told me he always seems to mess things up. I'm really confused, on one hand I genuinely think he might like me, on the other I feel I could be being horribly naive and I'm just being played. He still wants to see me despite me turning him down as a boyfriend. Can anyone help?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2012): Sleeping with a guy but refusing to date him shows a perfectly backwards understanding of how to deal with men.
Men won't sleep with you in hopes of dating you. That's what women do. Men will date you in hopes of sleeping with you.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (24 January 2012):
 Signs he's a player..
-He feeds you lines.
-Wins you over with cooking for you.
-You've already slept together.
-He's given you a key to come over when you're finished with work at 3m. Hmmm, what else are you two going to be doing at 3am? Talk?? No!!
-He still wants to see you after you turned him down. Which means more sex for him but 0 commitment (not that the commitment would mean much to him).
You think with your head, not your heart. Look at the red flags there and then you decide.
I'm going with he's definitely a player. Players don't just change or grow up over time. He's set in his ways.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2012): I find it self sabotaging you'd have no problem having sex with him and make it so easy for him yet not let him take you out. Basically you are saying "NO" to him courting you and putting in effort (that's what makes a guy fall in love) and "YES" to the things only a player would use you for...hanging out at his place and giving him access to your body. I would think you will end up feeling played by any guy when this is how you approach dating.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2012): Umm, if he's a player, he seems to be the worst player ever.
If he is ANYTHING, he probably is just poor at relationships. And that is why he has had so many short relationships lately.
Stop judging him on past stories.
Look at him now. From what you wrote, he seems like he really likes you. Unless he's an incredible liar.
Go with your heart on this one. Not with the stories you've heard before. In the time you're spending with him, if he seems real and interested in you, believe it.
Otherwise you will push him away with your doubt. Nothing turns me off more than feeling like the woman I was interested just doesn't get me. If so, I lose interest fast.
(likewise, I'd be keen to why he had so many failed relationships....even if he does like you, understand what you are getting into!)
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury +, writes (23 January 2012):
 Sometimes rumours are about a person's PAST.
Give him a chance, but if you're careful. Don't get in too deep and then you have nothing to lose. Say you don't want to sleep with him again until you're sure he is being genuine. you should have too much respect for yourself to sleep with him again and then be messed around.
At the end of the day, if the rumours are true, then he's getting what he wants and it'll be your tears at the end of it not his.
Take it slow.
If he likes you he'll understand
good luck x
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