A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay. Here is my situation. My girlfriend and I have been friends for almost 3 years now. In those 3 years we have been the type of friends who talk about their relationships with one another. This is my situation.Before we started dating I was dating her best friend. Her best friend was friends with the ex of guy she was currently dating. Her best friend and her friend had a picture of this guy with a full hardon. They felt the need to show me. Not thinking much of it at the time it was just a laughing matter. Until me and her started dating, it was nothing at first didn't really cross my mind until a few months into our relationship when I started falling for her more. I feel disgusted with having sex with her now due to the fact of seeing that picture and knowing the size of her ex's penis. It is a constant though that disturbs me and we have been dating for 12 months now. It comes up in my mind at least 5 times a day, but on occasion it is worse. I have told my situation to several girl friends and all of them have gave me the same answer. "She is with you now don't let it bug you." I have told the situation to my close guy friends and have gotten the same answer from each of them. "Leave her bro, if you've been having these thoughts for 7 months and can't even have sex with her without it crossing your mind it'll never go away." I don't know if anyone has any advice...or have been in anything near the same situation but any sort of help would be nice..I love her, we have always had a thing for each other but the timing has always been off due to relationship issues. Now that we are actually together I feel as if it was ruined due to that picture..Help.
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male
reader, Rogerramjet +, writes (27 July 2009):
I would tell her straight up what the issue is. It's only fair to her, seeing as how (if I'm understanding things right) she really had nothing to do with you seeing the picture in the first place?I think what you're craving is reassurance that you're fulfilling her needs when it comes to sex. I'm fairly positive that once you sit down and tell her what's going on in your head, that's probably what you will get.It would be a shame throw away a good relationship over something like this!Good luck!
A
female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (27 July 2009):
 heywell you said she showed you that picture before you started dating well how in all honesty did she know you was going to start dating soon after?also you said u spoke to her about relationships youve both had so really what she done wasnt that much of a big deal and she probably doesnt see a problem with it.i mean i understand your situation ofcourse but at the end of the day listening to your friends advice really wont help you need to make the discission whether u can jus forget it or not but if you are going to listen to any of your friends your girl friends should be good too talk to as they may b able to relate to your girlfriend.maybe you should tell your gf of ur concerns if your honest with her maybe she can help you herself but at the end of the day she is with you now not her ex he is an ex for a reason i hope you can get on and b happy good luck
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A
female
reader, elizzy  +, writes (27 July 2009):
Let me just say this, I have been in a sorta similar situation. My husband had been with this woman who is like 20 years older than him about 2 years before we got together. We met through of mutual friend of ours and that is how he met her. They went back to his place and well you know the rest. About 2 years later, we started dating and I knew her before I ever met him, and let me tell you, she is one of the biggest and nastiest people I have ever met. She sleeps with anything that moves and I just didn't and still don't like her. We were in my car one night giving my one friend a ride home and she tagged along. When I got out to give my friend a hug, she kissed my now husband on the back of the neck. When we got back to his house, he told me and had told me he had a one night stand with her and that he was ashamed of it and he had never told anyone because he was too embarrassed and that she was just nasty. Well, after that, it was very, and I mean very hard to get that imagine out of my head. And if you saw her you would know why. My point is, I had the same problem for along time with this imagine of the 2 of them together in my mind. It is like this horrible picture of where the person you love was before you and it's not pretty. If not careful, it will first consume you, then your relationship, which is what is happening to you. This almost happened to us too but when it got really bad for me, I talked it over with him. Eventually, if you get the picture across to your girlfriend that you need a form of re-assurance it will start to fade. And that I believe is what you need, re-assurance that it is you that she thinks about and not him. It took a while to get the mental picture of this nasty woman being with my husband before me. It is hard, but do not take the advice of your "guy" friends before you talk it out. Even if it takes you talking to her whenever you feel hurt by the images, even weeks or longer, eventually you will move past it. I did and I'm glad I did, not only do I have a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man, I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful girls that I may not have if I would've gave in to my mind. So please talk with her. You will see by getting out in the open with her and not your friends, it will make it better!! Hope this helps you and post on how everything goes!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): This is a tough one. Girls have insecurities about all parts of their bodies - their breasts, their hair, bottom, complexion, teeth, eyes, legs, weight. In general us men don't care too much about our bodies, with one exception. Imagine all your female body image insecurities concentrated into one place, and you have a man's relationship with his penis. Saying that you'll care less and less as you get older isn't much help to you right now. Your relationship is being ruined, and you need to get it sorted out ASAP. If she is kind and you otherwise have a great relationship, it would be terrible for it be destroyed over such a matter. First of all, talk to her, tell her how you feel, how upset you are. Sometimes just opening up to the one you love, exposing your vulnerabilities, can make you feel a lot better. If that doesn't help, try counselling.The problem isn't in your trousers, it's in your head, and it is resolvable.Dumping your girfriend over this wouldn't help you either. For the rest of your life you would go round kicking yourself for what you did.
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A
female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (27 July 2009):
 well ill start by saying your guy friends are not real friends. Its Nothing your girlfriend has done, so why should you leave her? Its your problem not hers! Obviously thats a hard thing to deal with but still she hasn't done anything wrong here.. she wasn't the one who showed you and you weren't together. So please don't blame her here.You first need to understand why it bothers you. Do you feel inadequate? Do you feel like he may have pleased her sexually better? Until you understand this it wont go away.
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A
male
reader, jj. +, writes (27 July 2009):
get over it ..if you loved the girl..its going to be ok..not every guy is overly endowed ..its ok..the regular size of a guy is 5.2 inches ..76% are at that size ..so dont worry..not only that your girls anatomy down there is flexable and usually takes it regular ,,now if her musclesare in shape then she can squeese it for you and thats that.dont worry..your ok ..give your girl some credit she loves you and not that other guy..whos with her you or the other guy...if you dont get it together soon you may end up losing the best thing youve ever had..now move on and enjoy life..ok.stop worrying give her a kiss and love her up..ok
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): Coinciding your mentality, this is quite a lot like the debate on porn watching. Like every aspect of an intimate relationship, it is all psychological. Therefore, when it comes down to it, if you cannot live pass this one thing of hers, then the optimal choice is to leave her. This is regardless that she is a wonderful companion, regardless that is a part of her history, regardless that she is human, regardless that she has emotions attached to you.In the end, it comes down to what you can live with. Since it is apparent you cannot live with this one thing, then as I've said, the most optimal route for you is to leave her. However, know and understand "cause and effect". People make choices where they may find they regret later and come here to DearCupid seeking ways to 'get' their former lovers back, after breaking up with them due to varying reasons. Know that the "cause and effect" is that there is ALWAYS a risk to any choice you make. You take one path and another will be shut off. You make one choice, realize that other choices in the future may be less opportunistic.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (27 July 2009):
 well as your girl friends say you guys are together just forget about it now. She's not with him she's with you it was a picture try not to let it ruin your relationship with this girl.
i mean the more you think on it the more you'll push her away i mean she doesn't still have it on her does she?
she's with you.
why let some picture ruin something that could be the best relationship you've ever had...?
if it's really bothering you then talk to your girlfriend about it i'm sur she can put your mind at ease if you just tell her what's going on in your head.
but it's in the past so try to forget about it :)
hope this helps.
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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