A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I am sort of in a dilemma. I am in highschool and I have a girlfriend of about 6 months. We both really like each other, talk everyday, and just generally feel really relaxed and comfortable around each other. But now, as the time for prom nears and dates are being set, we sort of stumbled on a problem. A little background on the situation: My gf's family are really close friends with another family, and that family has a college-aged daughter and a son of our age. In the past, my gf's brother went to prom with their daughter and she went to his prom too (they both go to different schools), and it sort of worked as a mutual agreement between the two families. But now, as it is time for her to go to prom (and hopefully with me), the two mothers started talking again and set up for my gf to go to the son's prom with him. She told me and I sort of accepted it, seeing as they are just friends and nothing more. I found out the date of their prom and its much later than the one at our school, so its works out for us. Mind you, i haven't yet formally asked her to go to our prom. But, the two mothers also agreed to have the son go to my gf's prom too. She called me to tell me about it and said she will talk to her mother and the other guy too. Also, my gf's parents don't know about our relationship. I honestly did not know what to say? What am I supposed to do in a situation like this, it feels as if i was just dropped into the most unfortunate situation? Advice please? :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): If she's a teenager, the guy of her age her parents set her up with may take offence at you. Be careful. Younger men cannot tolerate older men talking to their girlfriends.
A
female
reader, xtwinklex  +, writes (4 March 2011):
Why don't you think it's time to tell the parents?
You're 23ish... have been dating 6months... and you're acting like either little kiddies or people having an affair.
Hmm
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (3 March 2011):
 proactive people win. Be proactive, and take the shot, or there is no point in continuing this thread. Seriously. Take our advice and get her, or lose. Your choice.We hope you make the right one.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 March 2011):
 Have you not read any of the advice given??
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm planning on asking her to prom the next time we spend time together, as I think women in relationships still want to be asked these things? I think she is getting frustrated that we are talking about prom when I have not even asked her yet?
And, im also planning on telling both of our parents soon, but it just doesnt feel like the right time.
Anything else I can do?
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (2 March 2011):
If she can't tell her parents about you, it can be a little difficult to explain (with lies). And chances are your girlfriend will end up going to your prom with this guy. Even if you push your girlfriend to go to your prom with you, what do you reckon she have to tell to her parents about it?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 March 2011):
Well if she tells her parents she can't go to the prom with this family friend then she's going to have a valid explanation. Why lie about you? I'm not saying you have to go over for dinner and meet them. It's just that they need to be aware that she has a boyfriend in this situation.
Is there a reason you don't want her parents to know about you? How much of an age gap is there between you two?
Unless you want to go over to her parent's house and tell them yourself, it's best handled by your girlfriend. You can remind her, but that's about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see the continued advice of telling her parents about us, but the situation is a little different for us both. The thought of telling our parents has crossed our minds plenty, but we feel as though it isnt the time yet? I know people will say this whole situation is the perfect time.
But say, putting that aside, is there anything else I can do? Should i push her or let her handle this situation by herself?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 February 2011):
You're 22-25 and still in high school??
6 months and her parents don't even know you exist? It's about time she told them.
I see no problem in your girlfriend going to a family of the friend's prom..it's a tradition in their family, and if you trust your girlfriend there should be no problem. Now, I do agree that him taking her to your guy's prom is a bit overkill and unnecessary since you are her boyfriend.
There's nothing you can do, your girlfriend has to tell her parents she has a boyfriend who would like to take her to the prom and that she can't have the family friend's son take her to her own prom. It's a big misunderstanding that could have been avoided from the beginning, if your girlfriend had told her parents about you. Don't fret, hopefully she'll fix it.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (27 February 2011):
I can't say this enough...
ASK HER TO PROM!
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (27 February 2011):
In the first place you better wait to see what happens when your girlfriend tells her mother about you. I guess the reasonable result should be you going to her prom. And that's all. Let's put something straight here, you are her boyfriend. I find it really mature of you to allow her to go to her friend prom. But you are the only one to be in her prom.As I told you: wait to see what happens after your girlfriend talks to her mother. What you have to do depends on what your girlfriend tells you about that.
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (27 February 2011):
 your girlfriend is practically an adult at this point and doesn't need anyone setting playdates up for her! this is weird. initially I was going to say the mother must really not like you to set her daughter up with another boy, but then it turns out that your gf hasn't told them about you? why is she hiding you from her family? is she going to tell her mom that she has a bf or that she doesn't want to go on two dates with this family friend? your gf should have enough backbone to resist BOTH set ups and stand up for your relationship with her.
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (27 February 2011):
 Why don't your girlfriend's parents know about your relationship? You guys have been together for a very long time to be keeping that sort of thing a secret. What's going on here?
Of course they are setting things up if they think that she is single, and wouldn't do that if they knew you two were together. Maybe explain to them? If you must, say the relationship just started and that you two would like to go to her prom together, but that she'll still go to his prom with him unless he wishes to take his own date.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (27 February 2011):
 What an uncomfortable situation.
Your girlfriend should be able to tell in her parents that she's with you and if she's too co-dependent to do that...that's not good, she should'nt be ashamed of you. However, if this is just the case of stubborn parents then, no sweat. Just meet your girl in the parking lot and escort your girlfriend into prom, take pictures with her and dance with her.
Hope you have fun, regardless what parents try to arrange.
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A
female
reader, Ediegoose  +, writes (27 February 2011):
Don't you worry, maybe she is trying to make you want her even more!
;)
But perhaps you should ask her why she doesn't want to go with you? :/
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (27 February 2011):
"Also, my gf's parents don't know about our relationship."Well, I was questioning the whole situation, especially the nosiness of the mothers, until I read this line towards the end. That right there is your problem.1. Why do they not know about your relationship?2. You need to tell her about your uneasiness. You are entitled to enjoy your prom and want to experience it with her. Even though she's just friends with this other guy, she's not just hurting you through that; she's also denying you being able to go to prom with her (if he ends up coming to her prom as well)3. Wouldn't she rather go with you? Is she too uncomfortable confronting her mother about it? It seems like the two moms are really getting nosy with their children's personal lives. Trying to set up prom dates should not be up to them. I realize its a cute little tradition, but this is not their high school experience. Its their children's. They need to let them live it out for themselves.4. Does your gf want to go with this guy at all? If not, she needs to tell her mom that she'd rather go with someone else (or it may be a good time to tell her about your relationship, unless there is a damn good reason why you've been keeping it secret)5. Talk to her! Find out what she's thinking, and more importantly, enlighten her on what you're thinking/feeling!Its a tough situation, but communication is key, and so far there hasn't been a whole lot of that. But you can work it out if its something you really want.
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female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (27 February 2011):
 Sounds like your gf needs to come forward and tell people (her mother) about ur relationship. Then they shouldn't expect ur gf to attend a prom that wasn't with her bf. And you need to be honest with her. Make sure she knows ur not happy about her going to prom with someone other than you. It's ur first and last prom afterall right?
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A
female
reader, xtwinklex +, writes (27 February 2011):
You're 22-25 and have prom?Why don't they know about your relationship? I guess the real first step would be to formally ask your girlfriend to prom then go from there :)Assuming she accepts, maybe talk to her parents together about your wish to take their daughter to prom? Perhaps the mutual agreement was put in place before the thought of future boyfriends :P
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