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My girlfriend is best friends with her ex!

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 February 2011) 10 Answers - (Newest, 6 March 2011)
A male India age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I really really like my gf. But she is best friends with her ex. She tells him everything, and it kills me. In all honesty i understand being friends with an ex, but being best friends. Its more than i can take but i cant be the kind of guy who tells his gf to not to talk to someone. What should i do???

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011):

It definately goes against the norm.... but not all people are alike.... does her ex have a girl friend?? if he does and she's still friends with him, is not a big deal. but if he doesn't have a girl friend then go ahead freak out.

and about her telling him everything..... first find out who she tells everything to first.

if it's you, then she obviously really really really likes you..

And more importantly have you told her how you feel ??

If you have, what was her reply??

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2011):

angelDlite agony aunthi

i understand how you feel coz i would be VERY uncomfortable with this too. the fact is - you are the sort of person who is not happy to be in a relationship where the ex is still very much part of your girlfriends life so this is not gonna work is it? you cannot expect your GF to change into a person who doesn't want to be best friends with her ex and likewise - she cannot expect you to change into a person who is happy with their close friendship.

how long have you been together? is this a 'serious' relationship?

what is their friendship like? i mean WHY are they friends still? is it because one of them cannot let go and the other one maybe feels a bit sorry for them or maybe they both don't want to let go. are they truly 'best friends' or do you think their might be an element of 'trying to make you jealous' going on, either on her part or his!? (just a thought) would be interesting to see what happens when the lad gets a new girlfriend i think.

a good relationship would be one where you girlfriend thinks of YOU as her best friend, rather than her ex as her best friend

xx

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A female reader, Inutashy United States +, writes (28 February 2011):

Inutashy agony auntPersonally I'm friends with all my exs an some are my best friends. I think it's cuz I was always friends first relationship later and I feel like we have enough in common to talk. Also it's alot easier to ask a really good guy friend about somthing a bf said, then a grl because girls don't think like guys. I wouldn't worry about it much, sometimes it's just nice to talk to some one about feelings you have for your bf to someone that you once liked.

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A male reader, shawncaff United States +, writes (28 February 2011):

shawncaff agony auntOK, this is definitely weird and absurd. She cannot be best friends with her ex, especially while you are dating her!

What is really going on here is probably that she still likes her ex and does not want to sever that connection.

As for you--it is NOT being a "mean guy" to demand that she cut ties with her ex! It is the right thing to do. If she were casual friends, then it would be understandable. But if she is that close--she needs to cut ties or else choose which one of you she wants.

P.S. I wrote an article on this! Check it out!

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A male reader, lakers_lover09 United States +, writes (27 February 2011):

Be honest..if she cares she will understand. Besides being friends with your ex is usually bad because old feelings could manifest.

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A male reader, Capri2 Argentina +, writes (27 February 2011):

If you are not going to tell her stop talking with this guy, you have two options left: you just accept this, or you break up.

Does you girlfriend know how much this hurts you? You should talk with her about this.

In my own personal opinion, the more you get intimate with her, the more this will hurt you. And you won't be able to handle it. Your girlfriend has the right to know about this, in case she wants to do something to help you. You don't need to tell her to stop having this best friend. But of course she will reach that conclusion when you tell her how that hurts you. It's not fair for her, but the current situation isn't fair for you either.

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A male reader, Mr.loyal United States +, writes (27 February 2011):

Ive never been in this specific situation before, but i have dated girls whos bestfriends were guys. I hated it and like you never wanted to say who she could and couldnt talk to, but why dont you try talking to her about it? see what she says. personally sorry to say but i could never picture myself being bestfriends with an ex because to me, i would think theres still emotional attachment there, but first just try talking to her and asking about there relationship as friends... goodluck

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A female reader, Ambiieex United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2011):

Ambiieex agony auntYou have to stop em...he's making a move again. Just tell her you know you can trust her, but you're kind of worried about him making a move on her, as girls even with boyfriends, love attention and kisses :)

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A female reader, peace143 United States +, writes (27 February 2011):

she seems to still have feelings for him. if they had sex its passed friendship. she is not respecting you. you should be her bestfriend, lover. being in a relationship you should be able to be yourself or if not you are cheating yourself. you are young, be a pimp, date, test other girls, play the field, so you can find what you want for a life partner. not to mention what you like in a women...... : ) theres so many women out there have fun...

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A female reader, StarryEyes101 United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2011):

StarryEyes101 agony auntOkay this is the perfect question for me because i was in your situation.

Please do not read anything into it. Girls can be best friends with males even if it is their ex it doesn't mean that they still have feelings for eachother. He is an ex for a reason.

Trust me, my friend (girl) was going out with my best friend (male) but she was so jealous of our friendship and she always assumed something was going on when it certainly was not. It drove him away and now he can't stand her. Make friends with him. She'll like you more =)

Hope this helps

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