A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Looking for some advice! My 17 yr old son met an American girl while gaming online 4 yrs ago! They have been chatting on fb and Skype since and now he wants to go to America to meet her! Apparently her parents will pay for his ticket!! I have tried to compromise and asked them to come here to meet as I can not afford the ticket or get time off work being a single mum and they agreed but have now gone back on that and are encouraging him to go over there! I am scared stiff that once he is over there I will never see him again! Am I being an overprotective mother or should I have these concerns? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014): There is nothing wrong with traveling when you are 17, but not in this situation. The fact that her parents offered to pay for ticket is very strange. If it was throu student exchange programm I would understand, but not through some game on line.
Just think for a minute, why they are doing it? Who is this girl, and why she is so desperate to get your son to US?
It all sounds very strange, and if I were you I would never let my child go. I am a mother myself, and my daughter left for college at the age of 18, across the country. I know how it feels to let your children fly the nest. But in this situation I would put my foot down.
It's too weird and you know it, trust your motherly instincts. There are other, more normal ways for your son to travel.
A
female
reader, Carraz +, writes (2 June 2014):
Online Safety is becoming a minefield.
I as a parent would be extremely awakend by this.
Anything can be apparent that it could be a forum of grooming.
Please be careful, sorry if this scares you so much.
If you decide to allow your son to travel, do as much as you can to ensure that he is safe. *Get all possible information that is
*keep in close contact.
*Make sure you can both access a emergency contact agency
*Pree book the flight home before you allow him to go.
*Ensure that he knows how to get the flight
*Get him the way to the airport to get safely if needed to get home.
*Have a break in a near by hotel
*both travel together and meet up if anything does go wrong.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014): I think what her parents are doing is sensible to be honest, they are allowing it because they don't want their precious daughter to go off and do it by herself as that'd be more dangerous. So they're allowing them to meet in a safer way where they can control what happens and how they spend their time so they're not in danger. I would ask to skype with her parents just so you're on the same page but I'm sure you will be. Just know that if you don't let him, he'll do it his own way.
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female
reader, maisy1 +, writes (2 June 2014):
Travelling the world is one thing, having someone you have never met pay for it while you are a teenager is something very different indeed.One point the others have missed is that your son could be anybody!!!! You know he isn't obviously, but for all the parents of this girl know your lad could have been a 45 year old paedophile or a lad of 20 pretending to be 17 and they are offering him a plane ticket? He could be a criminal or a pervert or have a steady girlfriend, all they have to go on is his Facebook account (which can be faked) and Skype conversations, yet they are happy to invite him and pay for him to be with their daughter? What's that about? WHY would any responsible, sensible parents or parents want to pay for your son to go to the US to meet their, presumably, teenage daughter? As Mark1978 said, most parents would be trying to keep teenage lads away from their daughter, not encouraging them from around the globe! Also its a concern that you have offered to meet them half way or for them to come to you and, although making a token effort, they quickly declined and are very keen on paying for your lad to go there. Anonymous 123 has that spot on - you asked for a different situation and they declined. I travelled a bit in my younger years and loved it, but equally, now I am older and more experienced, I can appreciate how naïve me and my friend were at that time. I shudder to think we backpacked abroad, just two young women, as I can now see the vulnerable position we were often in. It wasn't the set of "Taken" by any means, although we did go to Turkey, but I do look back with a bit more appreciation as to why my parents were not so keen. I do think some responses have missed the point when they talk about green cards and so on, I don't think the OP meant not coming back in that sense. HoneyPie gives great advice which I respect but the issue i have is that its one thing to drum it into your son to call everyday, and when he lands and so on, but teenage boys, over in America from the UK, are going to be more concerned with freedom, girls, fun, etc than the boring, tedious, childish (to them at least) act of ringing home. AND what if he texts to say he is off the plane and her dad is about to pick him up and then silence? Then what? Talking to him about safe sex is all very well but lets be honest - teenagers, half way across the globe, meeting someone new they like and far from the prying eye of their mom are going to be more relaxed and less inclined to be sensible because of the environment of fun, sun, excitement and so on. There will be a less responsible atmosphere and more of a feeling that whatever the consequences of his actions, he can leave them behind when he comes home. Loosing his Virginity, assuming he is a virgin, at his own pace and when the time is right is one thing, and allows for better preparation, but making the most of a short trip abroad with a girl he likes without his mom watching is quite another. He may rush into something he regrets. He may rush into something YOU regret! xx
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (2 June 2014):
 When you say he might not come back, do you mean as in MISSING rather than not wanting to come home?
The issue I have is that "meeting " a girl online, especially on a gaming site which attracts youngsters, inevitably has pitfalls and deceptions. Unless you know for certain that this girl exists, is who she says she is and that her parents are legit I would be sensibly concerned. Lots of very sick people claim to be children and befriend others, especially from abroad, for all sort of horrid reasons. The fact the family of this "child" are so keen for him to go there and so keen to pay is a big red flag! If he steps off the plane and same guy picks him up claiming to be the father of this girl then he would be in a vulnerable situation.
Certainly I would be concerned. I don't have any kids myself, but I would not be happy for a 17 year old to go to the states alone. For sure some students take a gap year and so on, but at 17 he is still legally a child and obviously still going to be quite naïve and trusting. Im sure plenty of youngsters go abroad and have a great time, but you hear so many bad stories, especially where the internet is concerned.
Most the people I know who have teenage daughters spend most of their time trying to get the boys away from their child! Yet this couple seem to be almost intent on bringing their daughter and your son together, despite the fact that in that climate of foreign travel, meeting a girl for the first time, being away from his parents could lead to repercussions and sex. Also what do they hope to achieve from it? Two teens in a long distance relationship - where's that going to go? What if they fall for one another and then have to go back to being 8000miles apart? Then what? What if she gets pregnant - your grandchild will be half way around the world away.
Sorry this sounds dodgy to me, your right to be cautious!
Mark
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 June 2014):
 Nope, I wouldn't allow it too. If my brother were to inform my parents that he's flying to the USA to meet a girl and her parents were paying for the ticket we would be EXTREMELY worried. I agree with the lady who posted before me, this situation is ludicrous!
You don't know these people, you don't know who they are or what their intentions are...and if they're that liberated and rich, why don't they send their daughter to your place? Try suggesting that to them and see what they say. I bet they wont agree.
Travelling abroad is good...under TOTALLY different circumstances! You want to backpack across France with friends, do it. But going to America to meet a girl who you met online and having her parents PAY for your ticket...no no no! Absolutely not, under any circumstances!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014): I'm a mother and there's NO WAY on earth that I would trust parents who want to pay for a kid to travel across the world to meet their daughter. Who the hell ARE these people? Don't trust them for a minute! The situation is ludicrous and if they can't see that then even more reason not to trust them. Also, just because your son is male doesn't make it any less harmless. When my daughter was 17 there's no way I would've let her do that, but it's no different because your son is male, he's in just as much potential danger. In any case if they really CAN pay for him to go over there then suggest that SHE - the daughter - comes over here. See how they feel about that. It's nuts. Don't listen to anyone else saying travel is good for teenagers etc. It is totally nuts. Don't let him go.
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female
reader, auntieJ +, writes (1 June 2014):
 That's totally crazy there is NO WAY you should let him go!
So many people on the internet pretend to be someone they are not.
He could be going over there only to be met by someone who wants to do him harm!
It's half way across the world & you can't be there should anything go wrong.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2014): "I am scared stiff that once he is over there I will never see him again! Am I being an overprotective mother or should I have these concerns?"You should be concerned that a teenage girl's parents are clueless and irresponsible enough to invite a teenage boy who is a stranger to them into their home (assuming neither you or they plan on footing the bill for a hotel). As a single mother you should be doing everything in your power to ensure your son does not perpetuate the cycle by making you the grandmother of a child of a single mother.I may be old-fashioned but I would never allow a minor son of mine to be put in a position where he could spend the night under the same roof with a minor female without my knowledge.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 June 2014):
 Why would you never see him again? The tourist visa lasts for maximum three months, as far as I am aware. He HAS to go back, at some point or another. Besides, he's not considered adult yet, so you get to call the shots. If you're too nervous about his safety with the other family, then you have the right to say no.
Then again, personally, I think you're exaggerating. Teenagers travel across the world, they end up fine. I took a year abroad when I was 17-18, living with a host family my mom never met. The same goes for tons of other Norwegian teenagers, it is quite common for us to travel to another country for school etc.
Have you spoken to the girls parents? So you know they are real people and this girl isn't just some sham created to steal money or whatever? And they are paying the ticket... So I honestly don't see what you have to worry about, other than the chance that your son will lose his virginity during this trip.
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (1 June 2014):
 Hi,
You are being naturally cautious and rightfully so, it's another continent. However, I traveled when I was younger and loved it.
It is a life experience that doesn't come around all too often, and I say let him go for it. Just have ground rules as someone suggested.
He calls you when he arrives, and maybe once a day or every few days.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 June 2014):
 I spend a year (from late 17 - late 18) working abroad. And it was a blast I came home once or was it twice? in that year. I wrote/called my parents, family & friends pretty regularly and was both happy and sad when the year was up.
I went over with ONLY an interview lined up. I wasn't certain to get the job or have a place to live. I got the job and a place to stay.
Now this is JUST a vacation. I think you need to sit your some down and talk over some ground rules.
1. he calls you the moment he LANDS.
2. he calls you when he goes to their house.
3. he calls every morning or every night. (whatever makes YOU feel better about his safety).
4. YOU make sure he can find his way to the airport.
5. YOU talk to him about sex. You might even want to consider sending him off with not only a lecture but condoms. ( if they THAT kind of a relationship)
6. you have ALL their (the parents) contact info. Name, address, phone number.
7. you CALL and TALK to the parents ? Maybe it will make you feel better about it.
What is her age?
Now if this was a guy he made friends with, would you be as worried?
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (1 June 2014):
 It's natural to feel worry when it comes to your children, especially being a single mother. However, he is getting to the age where he will want to go and have new experiences. Plenty go to uni, some take a gap year after A-levels. It is important that you don't stand in his way, otherwise he will resent you for it!
If he went over there, I doubt that he would never come back, it's difficult to get a permanent green card for the USA (unless they get married - doubt that'll happen!) and i think he would miss home. I went travelling around Australia for a year and i loved it! But i was glad to come home to familiar surroundings. I gained so much life experience from it and made so many friends. I was a positive experience and it could be for him too - do you really want to stop him having that?
As you don't earn that much, maybe you could save up a bit and give him some spending money (or even some money to give to her parents for keep. It's a nice gesture and you have contributed to his going out there! See if maybe you can talk with her parents, they can maybe try and put your mind at ease?
I wish you all the best :)
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A
male
reader, wise-guy +, writes (1 June 2014):
I'm 23 with no kids but even I have to say I'd be scared too in your shoes, I mean it's not as if he's just going to be down to road at her house or in another city... We are talking America!! That's a huge country! On another note it would a great experience for the young chap that's for sure.Have a good chat with him about it - you should talk to the people across the pond too - see if they are nice decent people, you'll have to plan this thing and go over every possibility and solution if you think you might want to allow him to do this. It's hard to say what's best for him - if I was his Dad I really would want to talk to the girl and her folks, see if it checks out - might embarrass your son but he won't mind if it means he can go right? Better to be sure
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