A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 3 years is getting annoyed or irritated or angry with me almost all the time. I am not even sure what i do that set him off, its like i tip-toe around him all the time, its like i am on probation and he is evaluating me. Its getting really difficult to even talk to him, i am scared when he is gonna get angry at me and call me names and emotionally abuse me. Am i not saying right things around him, i try very hard not to annoy him, but i do annoy him all the time unintentionally. Please help me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (1 June 2014):
 It's a sign that he wants this relationship to end.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 June 2014):
 IF your "boyfriend" is always "annoyed"... and you have to walk on eggshells all the time.... then the "problem" may not be your's, at all....
Sit him down, sometime, and say to him: "Hunchy-bunchy, you keep me on needles and pins all the time, with your volatile personality and behaviour. I didn't sign up for that, when I chose to be your girlfriend. Did YOU expect that of me, when I chose to be your girlfriend? Because, if you answer "yes," then our "relationship" has run its course, and I am out of here. IF your answer is "no," then you better figure out how to adjust your behaviour such that I don't feel this way all the time. Is that perfectly clear?????"
Then, follow through....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 June 2014):
 Yep, I agree. There are many guys who induce a breakup, but can't do it himself, so he makes the conditions such that his partner does the tough deed herself.
I'm curious, though. Has he always been this way, or is the name calling and the eggshells a new thing? It's a cheating sign when a guy suddenly gets this way, as opposed to an individual who is inherently emotionally abusive.
You should break up for sure, BUT...and I may not be agreed with in this case...you should stand up for yourself. Tell him that you see through what he's trying to do, and tell him that you will not be made to feel this way because of his ego and inadequacy. There are times when you know that stress makes someone snappy, and there are times when you bust back and let him know that you don't get treated this way.
What you should NOT do, however, is ask him what YOU did to make it happen. It's not the fault of the abusee that the treatment is happening. The fact that you feel you did something wrong makes me wonder whether or not he's always done this, but it's escalated. Abuse usually follows that trajectory in that in most cases, it gets more and more severe over time. If that is the case, you do need to end it, and you need to bring the message across to both him and yourself that you will never intend to be treated in a manner other than to be cherished in times of ease and stress alike.
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A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (1 June 2014):
 Hi,
You need to come out and clearly ask what it is you are doing. I think 100% it's him not you. There are lots of mental health issues or personality traits that come across as this kind of flying off the handle.
If you need to get out, I would recommend getting our sooner rather than later. Not that I assume he is a violent person, but all it takes is one fit of rage to escalate further.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2014): It's time to end the relationship; and he doesn't have the balls to do it. It sounds like he's tired of the relationship and having you around. You cling tighter when he's trying his best to make you leave out of anger.
Make it easy on yourself, and dump the jerk. It really doesn't matter why he's angry. He has no right to intimidate or abuse you. That's good cause to end it and leave.
Why are you remaining in such an environment? If you are afraid of him, it is time you find yourself a local shelter for battered women; or a women's support group to help you gain the courage to remove yourself from an abusive relationship.
You don't stick around and let it happen to you, wondering why? Abuse has no reasoning.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 June 2014):
 You need to ask him. Even if THAT gets him mad.
And you need to consider walking away, because if he FOR NO REASON whatsoever calls you names and verbally abuse you, he is doing it because he CAN. Because YOU allow it. NOW I'm NOT saying this is your fault, but if you stay with him and keep walking on egg-shells YOU are allowing this.
Why are you with him if you are treated like this? This isn't a loving relationship and it shouldn't BE the norm.
Can you leave? Can you take care of yourself financially? Do you have support in the shape of good friend and family?
If you do, I think you need to consider that THIS is who he is and walk away if you don't want to be with a guy like that.
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