A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm so hurt it's unbelievable. I live with my boyfriend but went away abroad with my mum and sister for a week and got back last night. everyday we called and texted a lot, he told me all the time how he missed me and couldn't wait to see me. I've been horny all week (we usually have sex most days) and I've been visualising my home coming and ripping each others clothes off the minute we get in the house. when he picked me up it was dinner time so we got a take out. a 3 hour film was on tv (not very good but nothing else on so watched it whilst eating). we then cuddled up. an hour after dinner I started stroking him with his pants on until he became hard, he sat there for ten minutes his eyes didn't leave the tv! I then got up to get a drink. he knew something was up and told me he was still full from dinner. I was a bit hurt but was glad to see him so we just cuddled. at 9pm he suggested going to bed so we made love for around an hour then fell asleep. at 4am I woke up- I went down on him for around ten mins then asked him to make love to me, he said 'its 4am'! I turned over and cried silently. he said 'what's wrong? why are you being ridiculous?. after ten minutes of him asking what's wrong I replied 'I'm hurt, I've never been turned down by a guy when making a move in the middle of the night. I haven't seen you for a week and you don't have work tomorrow or I might understand'. he replied 'I went on a 20 mile bike ride today'. I'm so hurt right now, it's 5 am. Am I over reacting? I'm so hurt!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): For one hour? Weren't you exhausted ? And who wakes up someone in a middle of the night? I would be mad, and on top of thAt I need to have sex on demand?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 August 2012):
 You are way over reacting ! What is he, a mechanical puppet, that you press the button, and he must react /perform at any time, in any mood, state and condition?...
It was 4 a.m. He was sleeping. He was tired. He had cycled 20 miles. And, he had made love to you for an hour just few hours before !
Somehow, I have a hard time thinking that you are really SO horny all the time ( and if you really are, I pity your future husband, you´ll be a very demanding partner ) , I sort of think that you , at leat at times , turn to sex not out of desire but out of a frail ego that need to be bolstered and propped up by your partner´s hard ons. Like, if he wants to f..k you, then you have proof that he really likes you, ... otherwise you are not that sure.
Relax. And let him relax too, and get a good night of sleep when he needs one.
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A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (12 August 2012):
 Have you thought that he made love to you for one hour even if he was not in the mood? You are being too greedy and demanding. It can happen that a man is not in the mood as a man is not a machine that should always switch on when a woman wants him to.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 August 2012):
 I think you are over reacting, you two made love for an HOUR before bedtime.
And the comment... I'm hurt, I've never been turned down by a guy when making a move in the middle of the night.
That would be a huge turn OFF.
Relax, you were only gone for a week. You two will catch up on the nookie soon enough.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (12 August 2012):
 Yes you are over reacting.
Just because he didn't want sex at 4am doesn't mean he didn't miss you or that he doesn't love you.
He didn't even have to use the "20 mile bike ride" as a reason or excuse. He demonstrated his feelings to you in the evening and then when you made love. And then it was time for him to sleep! I'm fairly sure he would have happily made love to you again in the morning by the way, when he was AWAKE.
I'm sure you agree that physically forcing someone to have sex is wrong. I think it's also wrong to emotionally blackmail and humiliate someone into having sex. I say humiliate because that's what he may have felt when you compared him to your previous partners.
Don't fret about this. You have a good sex life if you have sex most days.. If you feel unloved in general, perhaps you should have a think about what you can both do to make each other feel loved and appreciated.
If I've got it wrong and this was just about you feeling horny and not getting enough, you are being very unreasonable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2012): "I've never been turned down by a guy when making a move in the middle of the night"Ouch! what if he compared you to all other women and said you were somehow lacking? For instance, "I've never had a woman be so demanding in bed before?" I think an apology is due.For what it's worth, I think you might work on demonstrating your affection in non-sexual ways. You could have empathized with his situation and offered a massage for instance. Maybe men have less of a problem being treated like a piece of of meat, but at heart I also believe they appreciate non-sexual affection and understanding. If you always use sex as a way to bond with him, he's going to start feeling like he's performing a chore.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (12 August 2012):
 You are overreacting. I know that sometimes it is hurtful when we get turned down, but if the guy went on a 20-mile bike ride, he could be in pain or just very tired. I think it was just emotional for you because you just came home. Be understanding and give him a chance to make it up to you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 August 2012):
 Over-reacting. He made love to you for an hour! He was happy to see you! You and him hadn't planned to have sex all night long, and either way in a relationship you got to give and take, not just take take take and then cry when you can't have it your way.
He didn't turn you down. It was 4 AM and he'd had a long day. Maybe you can go on and on, but clearly he isn't made out of the same fabric as you. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or isn't attracted to you. You're exaggerating things. You're also not expressing yourself. Instead of watching a 3 hour movie you should have told him you'd rather go to the bedroom and snuggle there.
Telling him you've never been rejected by "a guy" in the middle of the sex is a huge turn off for him too, just to let you know. First off, by saying that you're telling him he's just another "guy" to you, like any other guy. Second, you are also comparing him to other men. And that is just mean.
I think you should apologize for saying that, he probably got hurt by it even if he acts tough.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (12 August 2012):
 Your over reacting, 4 am? The guy was sleeping, don't feel hurt over this, he was tired, you sound like a great girlfriend by the way
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (12 August 2012):
Stop being so utterly ridiculous, selfish and childish. How would you feel if he started crying and saying he was hurt whenever you didn’t feel in the mood for sex. You’d probably expect him to respect your feelings and the fact that you just weren’t up for it at that time. It’s not like you didn’t even get any sex at all: you made love earlier that night. How would you feel if he complained about not getting sex the whole time you were abroad? You’d presumably think he was being unreasonable. Well, when he goes for a week without complaint and you can’t even wait a night, you’re being completely unreasonable. You can’t have everything your own way and maybe being turned down for the first time has been a good lesson for you to learn. Lots of growing up to do young lady!
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2012): You are overreacting. I am surprised that you've been able to wake him up and have sex before but this isn't normal. Sleep is a basic need. You can't have sex if you're sleepy, it just doesn't work. Waking someone up for something that isn't an emergency is just plain evil. If you love him, why would you break his sleep like that?
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (12 August 2012):
 Yeah, you're overreacting.It's late. It's not like he didn't sleep with you.isn't a guy allowed to be tired? I mean, really? You're acting like a spoiled child.
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (12 August 2012):
I think u are over reacting, people get tired from time to time, which is understandable, besides, u guys did it the night before.Women shouldnt think men will never say no to sex, we are not machines, we have flesh and blood too.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 August 2012):
 HiYes, your over reacting! You thought you would spend the first 24hrs having sex after a relaxing week on holiday. He has been at home, doing his thing with work etc, then a 20 mile bike ride before you got back, so wasnt in the same frame of mind.The fact you told him nobody had ever turned you down in the middle of the night before is a bit of a passion killer too.Things will probably get back to normal just let it go.
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