A
female
age
36-40,
*ARBiiE-Xo
writes:I dont know what to do about my boyfriend. A few nights ago when I came home from work, he asked to have sex but I was too tired. He seemed understanding so I just went to bed. I woke up during the night to find him thrusting his penis in and out of me. I was so scared, I just pretended to be sleeping. Eventually I got up and asked why he done it. He didn't say anything and just pushed me back down onto the bed and said that it doesn't matter if I loved him.I gave him head but I was terrified.What should I do?Is this rape? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jadeo92 +, writes (15 June 2007):
 yes this is rape luv because he didn't have your permission i think u should talk to him about this and tell him how u feel and if he gets violent or makes u feel scared, report it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Yes this IS rape, whether he is your partner or not, you didn't consent to sex so therefore it is classed as rape. You need to have a serious talk with him because he could do this again and it is wrong.
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): This is definatly rape you did not concent you told him no im to tired.although he did not use violence he did this whilst you were sleeping it doesnt matter weather you love him or not its still wrong.yet i dont no why you then gave him oral sex?
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A
female
reader, Cascara +, writes (12 June 2007):
Have you tried to talk about this with him again? It can be rape even if you were concious and didnt tell him to stop because it is something that maybe you had never considered was a possibility.
The thing is if he scared you and there is the chance that we could do it again or perhaps has done this in the past the best thing to do is leave.
The most important thing to do is feel safe and if you no longer feel safe with him then there is a problem.
And can anyone tell me how a rapist acts everyone is different and most rapist seem like a normal happy person who would never do a thing like that to their friends and family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): do you think its rape? were you awake when he did all of this to you? were you fully awared? only you would know if this was a sexual violation towards you.
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A
male
reader, willem  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 im gonna put this simple this time cause these people are not putting themselves in the right set of mind ......................... 1.DID UR BF HURT U..............................2. WAS IT HIS PLAN 2 HURT U
............................. 3.DID HE ACT LIKE A RAPIST
.............................. 4.DID HE FORCE U EVEN WHEN U SAID STOP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAYBE THIS OAK THOUGHT HIS DOING SOMETHING SPECIAL AND ENDED UP DOING SOMETHING STUPID ,BUT if ur answers r no - then he DID NOT RAPE U !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ONLY U WILL B ABLE TO FIGURE THIS OUT 'cause ur the only 1 that can see what his real intention was....... so from what u told the site my answer is
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): Hunny,
I wouldnt let him near me again, He violated you...
This person is supposed to love you this is not right at all, you said in your question you were terrified sweetheart YES IT IS RAPE! Get this person out your life right now.....
TAKE CARE OF YOU XXXX
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A
female
reader, superfly  +, writes (11 June 2007):
I wouldn't consider this rape, b/c you were conscious and fully aware of his sexual activity and you didn't obliged to say: 'STOP VIOLATING ME'....'NO...NO...NO....STOP THRUSTING YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME'.....You should have done more to protect your interest completely, b/c if I woke up and found anyone, on top of me without my prior or present consent,....i would consider this a sexual violatation....
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A
male
reader, willem +, writes (11 June 2007):
neh im sorry i cant agree with everybody and so cant u. i had a gf that would wake me up being busy and thought it was kinky and i asked her 2 do it more often and i did it to........................... u see its hard 'cause its not something people will discuss forehand ,but to call your bf a rapist ,i think its a wrong 1. did he hurt u 2. did he forch u 3.did he really rape or tried a move that he now knows that u dont like. BE carefull with this and take your time running it through your head and you'll be the only person that will be able to say if ur bf raped you and if you feel that its not so explain to him you dont like him to act in such a manner....................... BEST of LUCK
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): I agree that it probably would be too complicated, difficult and stressful to you to try tp pursue legally - so difficult to prove.However u know he had sex with u when u had said no and u need to get rid now.
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A
female
reader, Spl-ash +, writes (11 June 2007):
 hey,
that sounds a bit bad... more like TAKE-A-SERIOUS-LOOK-BACK ON-YOUR-RELATIONSHIP kind of bad!
1.ARE YOU HAPPY?
2.DO U WANT TO CARRY ON?
3.IS HE LIKELY TO DO THAT AGAIN?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
i would personnaly not take it. but the decision is up to u.
It is considered as rape what he did. Will u ever be able to sleep next to him n not worry 'is he gonna do this to me again'?
Think woman and get a move on.. u deserve to be safe n loved not used n abused.
am sorry to say i would close this chapter of my life if i was u.
Take Care
X X X
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A
female
reader, heyheyhey +, writes (11 June 2007):
 He sounds very selfish and self centred-not the kind of guy you probably want to be with long term. Ok so sometimes you say no to sex then after a bit of playful teasing etc you get turned on and change your mind-that's different. But here you especially said NO and you didn't change your mind about NOT wanting sex. Instead now you feel hurt and upset and maybe use-which sounds like rape to me. You don't need a man who will treat you like that or make you feel htat way. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (11 June 2007):
 I agree with all the others here. it was rape, he did it without your permission.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): yes the is totaly rape you shouldn't let him force you to have sex he should wait until you weren't tired and never have sex with please listen to god and leave him okay xxx christmas best of luck follow your heart say if you really love me you would've understood i was tired and i didn't want to have sex i would have just kicked him off and called the police but sweetie listen to god he will tell you what is right and what isn't listen to your heart okay and get tested asap best of luck and love christmas
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (10 June 2007):
 This was definitely rape. Get him out of your home, out of mind, and out of your life...
DV1
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): No women ever needs to ask whether or not she was raped. That women knows better than anyone else.
Whatever happened between you, it certainly doesn't sound like it was very pleasant and it sounds to be very abusive towards you.
After what has happened, do you really have to ask what you should do next?
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (10 June 2007):
 I think yes it has to be because he had sex not just without your express consent but also against your stated wishes. However, if you take it to court then I would expect it to be a bitterly contested case with not 100% gurantee of a conviction.
To my mind because of the circumstances (where there is no gurantee you will convict) trying to press charges against him doesnt seem worth the potential emotional damamge. I agree with eddie, get well away from him, learn from the experience and try to put it behind you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): I would have to say that this was, indeed, rape. It is very possible for a man to be able to have intercourse on a woman while asleep. But since you said no earlier, that made it rape, especially since he did this anyway while you were asleep. If he could do it to you this time,he could always do it again. You need to leave him.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 June 2007):
 I really don't want to question you, but for a moment, I'm going to take the role of his lawyer.
I don't know how a man could actually get to that point with a woman while she was still asleep. To actually get on top of a sleeping person, penetrate and actually be performing intercourse (thrusting), is quite a thing. I'm not saying you're not telling the truth but be prepared to be questioned. I don't think most people could get to that point with a sleeping person.
If it is true that he was on top of you, "trying" to penetrate, that could perhaps be rape. Make sure you know what you're saying. In a case like this, any crack in your version of what happened will be twisted.
If this is the type of guy you're with, get out of the relationship. To give him oral, out of fear, is terrible. Unfortunately in these cases, it's very difficult you prove. I really don't know how you'd make a case against him. Unless there was physical harm, it would be your word against his. Make this a learning experience. You'd be better off to just leave him.
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A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (10 June 2007):
 Hi dear!
I'm sorry, but yes, this is rape!
If you are still in love with him, take him to task and listen to what he says about it. Either he is REALLY sorry, asks for forgivenes and makes it up for something - in this case it is up to you to accept it and decide whether to stay with him or not.
If you are to scared and cant image to stay with him, leave him. It is better for you. In your stead I would still gae him to task and see if he is sorry or not. But if he is not and carries on to act as if you are a piece of mud, then go to see the police and make a report. If it was only just a day or so ago, you can go to see the doctor to attest that this was rape!
Make sure, that he realises in some way that this is not the way to treat a women and you do not have to accept this behaviour!
Hope you are well! But anyway, I would suggest you to go to some consultation on your own. Do this for you to handle what happend. (If you leave him and make a report at the police, he or the country has to pay for this!). It would be good for you to learn to handle this to avoid any harm in the future and also to avoid that you now are scared of man forever. Consultation can help to heal you, to learn to live with this without let it regin your life and feelings and to learn to trust man again.
Be blessed!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): Yeah this is rape. He had sex without your permission.
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