A
male
age
36-40,
*ustMe86
writes:Hello.I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 years now and we where very much in love. However over the last week i have had feelings that i no longer love her, this hurts and i really want to love her, i can only describe what i am feeling as i feel distant from her.Currently we are both studying in university, i have just completed my exams and i have a job interview coming up, while she is still under going her exams. I some times put it down to stress but can stress really make you feel like this? im not sure whether it will help but i also suffer from panic attacks and find my self insecure alot of the time.I have read a similar type question, it which people asked, could you see your self in life with out her.. and i really cant but i just want the love back and the closeness and passion we used to share.any help would be much appriciated.
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her ex, insecure, my ex, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, wildturkey  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 you can fall in love with her again... maybe your too settled or stress at the moment. pretend your dating again, buy her flowers ring her at work to say u love her, she will respond and just pretending to love someone can make u love them again..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): I think use feel as if ur going seperate ways and yous have not been paying the ryt amount of tym together y dont u wait until shes finishedher exams ad stress is outhe way then see what is best :D XX
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male
reader, JustMe86 +, writes (11 June 2007):
JustMe86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI firstly want to thank you all for the time and effort you spent reading and replying to my quesiton.
They are all great and i have rated each of your answers individually, each one of your answers point out some of the same things which is great and they are all very helpfull. Again i wish to thank you all.
Update: I had a really great day today, even though she has her exam we managed to go out for a meal and have time to go bowling and get back and relax infront of the TV, which is great as i felt we where close and its also great as about 5months ago i really wouldnt of seen myself doing any of that with my panic attacks.
Just seeing that when we do spend the time together we have that closeness and although the feeling of 'unsure if i love her' has not completely gone, i do feel as though it has gotten better.
This web site is stored in my bookmarks, i will be sure to visit regularly, thank you to both mandy7 and maid_Marian_vetbabe i really apriciate your answers and i will be sure to get in touch, and i would hope that goes the same for you too, feel free to contact me.
Much appriciated and kind regards
JustMe :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): Hiya sweetheart,
You do still love her, love you wouldnt be so worried if you didnt. Sometimes this kind of feeling can happen if for instance you have so much on in life as you say your exams her exams that you dont spend the quality time together you have in the past. You two need a good day and night out you need to plan a suprise day a lovely romantic day, say a picnic in the park all cosy, then home to get ready for maybe a nice meal if the wallet wont stretch this far what about a lovely cosy night in, Have a bath together if this is poss, light some candles and put that spark back into your relationship treat her to a night of love and im sure my love it will be returned a thousand fold, You wont have any doubts then... Panic attacks are horrible i had them for 20yrs for no reason they would just happen i did have some nasty stuff going on in my life but they would come right out of the blue and scare me very much, untill one day i was in the middle of one and i didnt let it get the better of me i took charge of it i thought im not dying i no what this is and its not going to beat me!!!! I had the brown paper bag which went everywere with me, in the end i mastered it with meditation. A good relaxation book and music are amazing ITS A MUST FOR YOUR WELL BEING... If you try this love the insecurity will slowly start to fade, it wont happen overnight but believe me it will get better, Ive been through quite alot over the last 15yrs and without this i wouldnt have got through in one piece.. I was about your age when it all started it really is important to do something about it now love ok.. If you ever need to talk i log on about 3 times a day its good to have someone to talk to when yor having a hard time coping with this kind of thing.... I do hope this helped a little and things get better soon take care and good luck to the both of you xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): well i think that you should talk to her and let her know how you are feeling because the last thing you wanna do is hurt her, right? anyway communication could either let you know if you are in fact very much in love with her or not...i am in a similar situation but vice-a-versa my boyfriend has been acting real distant with me and i know that if the thoughts that are in your head were in his, i would like to know and maybe we could work it out and get things figured out..she loves you and she will want to see you happy no matter what the outcome is....
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A
female
reader, sunrise +, writes (10 June 2007):
 Hi justme86, Ithink in every relationship we all go through a time when we wonder if it is what we really want, very often we imagine what we could do if we weren't with our partner and start to resent them a little. Perhaps this is what you are going through, thinking that the grass may be greener and all that, or you may just be doubting that your relationship may not withstand the change that will inevitably happen when you start work and she remains at the university.
From what you say i think that you probably do still love her but the relationship has gone a little stale, the passion and fun faded, you have both been under the strain of study and exams and with luck and a bit of effort on both sides you can get that back,
Your panic attacks and insecurities could be making you feel you would be doing everyone a favour if you were on your own but you can get help to deal with this by visiting your doctor and asking for a referral, if you can get to the bottom of these problems it may make things a lot clearer and then you can start heading in the direction you really want to go.
Dont make any hasty decisions because of the way you have felt this week, if you really want the love back you will find a way. i wish you loads of luck with the job and the relationship. Be happy x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): I think you have both been under a lot of pressure lately and this can definately have a negative effect on any relationship. When things have quietened down why don't you think about spending a long weekend away together? Hopefully it will help cement your relationship and make you feel more secure. Just give things time, you've both been through some stressful periods that's all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): Hey! This is normal, especially around exam time. Every relationship has closer moments and more distant moments. Af you have both been studying you probably havnt had a lot of relaxed, fun quality time together lately. Im sure you still love her, but maybe you just need to wait it out till her exams are over and then make an extra effort to be together, maybe go on holiday somewhere for a week just the two of you?
Im sure everything will be fine, its only been a week. If you still feel like this in a month then maybe its time to re evaluate things.
Take it easy, try not to worry about it, and jsut enjoy being together and not stressing as soon as exams are over. Im sure its just the pressure of exams...
good luck, feel free to mail me if you want to chat more
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