A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend almost 5 years. She is 10 years younger than me. We go out,and without fail she chooses out a girl in the crowd and when we get home she has accused me of looking at her chosen girl all night or says we couldnt take our eyes off each other. She gets aggressive and unreasonable. More often than not, I dont even know who she is talking about. Now the shock, I have found out she has been cheating with a married man on and off for years before me and whilst she was with me. Is this how cheats normally behave?
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (7 December 2011):
Yes, its easier to turn it around on you than face the fact that they are no good.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): She cheats on you but she wont want you to cheat on her. She thinks everyone is the same. Get rid of her fast. She is not a good person. She has no care about anything except herself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): This is exactly what an ex used to and she turned out to be anything but trustworty.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Some do, it's easier to accuse others then own your own actions.
Why are you with this drama llama?
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 It is common for people who cheat to accuse their partners of cheating. My ex would often accuse me of cheating and never trusted me when he was the one who cheated.
I suggest that you should really think if staying in a relationship with her is really worth it. She has no respect for you and is cheating on you with a MARRIED man. Clearly someone with her character is certainly not one I would want to be with.
Take care and Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 December 2011):
This can be how some cheats behave, yes. They are cheating, so to justify it or cover it up, they accuse the person they're cheating on. Not all cheats do this, but you only have to look at some posts on this site to realize that it's certainly a tell-tale sign for some.
I do hope you've dumped this woman - if you haven't, you're mad!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): "Is this how cheats normally behave?"
Of course it is, just the same as a person who's a thief is far more wary of protecting their possessions.
It's called projection in psychological terms but I much prefer the idioms that describe it, "the pot calling the kettle black" "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" or my favourite of all the Japanese version "The eye wax laughing at the snot"
Is this typical behaviour? Yeah it is, very much so OP. I'm sure you can think of a million other circumstances where people project their own failings onto others.
Why would you tolerate that kind of behaviour from a person anyway?
Every time you go out she makes your life hell by accusing you of looking at other women? I wouldn't put up with that for a second no matter how beautiful or great a girl is in other areas, that's far too big a flaw to let slide in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): How cheats behave is the least of your problems. Don`t waste your time trying to work out the psychology of it all. You need to work out how to make your exit. I guess her behavior and your findings are enough to embitter anybody. Leave her to sort her crap out and don`t contact her again. You don`t need this woman in your life. She is bad for the soul.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (6 December 2011):
 It's not how all unfaithful people behave, but it's certainly not unusual. We tend to assume that others, if given the chance, will behave as we would. She doesn't trust you because she knows she herself cannot be trusted.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): Yes it is. I think they judge everyone off their own standards. I assume you have booted her out of your life?
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Well, I don't know about "how cheats normally behave". The point is, she has been/is carrying on with a married man for a long time while with you. Either one of those behaviors is bad enough, but she's made her behavior much worse.
She might be trying to cover her own guilt by accusing you and attempting to throw you off the scent.
How much longer are you willing to put up with her before you show her the front door and tell her to walk through it and never come back? No arguments, no "if's" "and's" or "but's"
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A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (6 December 2011):
 no idea - although perhaps her accusations help her to relieve her own guilt.
Are you still together? She obviously isnt likely to stop her behaviour or cheating as its been going on for so many years.
HUGS X
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