A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,What does it mean when a married man hints to you that he is staying in a bad situation?Is he lying or telling you the truth? Does he want to sleep with you? Interested in a relationship? Wants to give you a green light to pursue him? What does this mean?I would like to know.. Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2019): I think he is giving the green light for you to pursue him.
Whether he is telling you the truth or not, just be sure to protect your heart. He could be spinning a web of lies just to get in your pants. He could be telling the truth. More likely it's a combination of the two. The problem is that you don't know his intentions when he says these things.
If you move forward with something with him, my advice is do not sleep with him right away! At least make sure that there is something there first. Make sure he's willing to invest emotionally before you get to anything physical.
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (13 May 2011):
What difference does it make what any of that may mean -- he's married is all you really need to know. C'mon girl, you know the first rule of dating don't you? Don't Date Married Men. It's a losing proposition all around. So, stop trying to read the married man tea leaves and start wondering about the available men out there.
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A
male
reader, Sparta +, writes (13 May 2011):
 This answer is easy; it does'nt matter what he is hinting if he's hinting or not. Stay away from a married man. A married man even in a bad situation should have enough respect for his vows to stay honorable to his wife no matter how terrible the "situation" is. If its so terrible; he will leave her. Then by all means after a while pursue him if you wish. But going after a now married man; its not good news for you. You will be concidered a home wrecker by others; and if you do end up with him. Who is to say when things get tough; and things always get tough its how we come back from those issues that shows how much one loves another. But whose to say when things get tough this married man wont hint to someone else. Stand clear of married men; best to keep upwind so you don't get his stench all over you. :) be smart, no need to ask this question. It's not worth all the trouble it can cause.
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A
male
reader, inquisitor  +, writes (12 May 2011):
It sounds like he is interested in confiding with you because he is lacking emotional intimacy in his marriage. I have experienced both sides of this, having had an emotional affair myself once and now suffering through a full blown affair my wife is doing to me. Neither side is pleasant, believe me.
If he confides in you, and you start to empathize with him, you are starting on the road to an emotional affair. He will become attached, and you might too if you are not careful.
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A
female
reader, Gherkinsaregrim  +, writes (12 May 2011):
It could mean anything, he may also just really need someone to talk to and it slips out every now and then.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 I don't think it automatically means he is interested in something sexual with you but it does show that he is looking for comfort outside of that relationship. He probably doesn't want to cheat on his wife but their relationship is most likely lacking emotional support which is what I beleive him to be looking for in you. It's like trying to fill a loving relationship with a good friend. It is a way to cope with the probem but isn't a permanent solution.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (12 May 2011):
 All of the above and possibly more! I'm guessing the married man is around your age. If he has children, he may be telling himself he is staying for them. It doesn't necessarily mean he wants to sleep with you, or is giving you the green light to make a pass. However, if that is what your gut is telling you, listen to it.
Here are the possible scenarios: If he's not flirting with you along with the admission of unhappiness, he may just want someone to confide in and feels comfortable confiding in you. Men very often to not confide in their male friends when things are wrong in their marriage. It's just not something the male ego typically does.
If he is flirting with you, in addition to saying he is unhappy, watch out. He may be going through a rough patch in his marriage (e.g. wife doesn't want sex) and is looking to fulfill that need outside the marriage.
It may also be that there is nothing wrong with his marriage. He may just be a guy that cheats - they're out there. These are guys that have convinced themselves that they simply cannot be monogamous. They will tell you things like, "My wife doesn't understand me. My wife is cold and uncaring." "There is no intimacy in our marriage, etc., etc."
A word to the wise, dear OP. Married men almost never file for divorce. Check the stats. I don't know exactly why this is, although I have my guesses. If they really want a divorce they will force the wife to file. To accomplish this they may be careless with their infidelity, for example. DON'T get caught in the crossfire of this situation. There is nothing in it for the other woman. He will get a pat on the back for being a stud and you will get a big red "A" to parade around town with.
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