A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've fancied a senior colleague for about six months now. hes 11 years older than me and we are very different to each other. We have been teasing/ insulting/ bickering with each other for months now and we always talk - about 2 hours a week is spent in conversation, just chatting, bickering/ joking/ teasing etc.At a staff do a month ago we were both a little drunk, and we were very tactile with each other. i hugged him and he suddenly tried to kiss me and i did not respond. i felt shocked. i kindly moved away and said, i'm not sure yet. not because i wasnt sure but because it was such a shock. i also didn't want for this to be a 'staff do' thing, because i wanted to know he meant it, not just something we did because we'd had a few cocktails. back at work, we are EXACTLY the same - teasing, insulting (this time with more of an edge to it - we jokingly go below the belt and outrage the other!) He seems to quite like me - i admit i go looking for excuses to talk to him, and he always starts conversations and if people ever call whilst we are talking, he'll tell them he cant speak now. we've made jokey comments to each other, kind of said ' we'll have to have a night out again sometime!' (not sure if this meant WITH work or alone.) we say we 'like' each other, in a casual way. but the mickey taking starts up again. We have limited time together in the workplace, there are usually others present. i am totally stuck for ideas as to how to move this forward. i'm not even sure if he likes me in a gf way. He's never really said anything. never been complimentary or been sexual towards me. the flirting is more joking like ' oooh you're such an idiot! wrong again, eh?' i'm like, 'no! shut up! you were the one who said..'We are a funny pair, he is uber confident at work and a high achiever, and i'm attractive with a good body, but i can lack confidence and am very self-conscious and shy and say stupid things when i like somebody. There is no way i'm ever going to ask him or anybody out, plus he's on the same level as my manager. he can be sometimes very serious at work too.I have no idea what to do really as we work in a formal setting. i can't just ask him out if i wanted to. i'm not even sure if he likes me. i feel very frustrated and each day i go to work waiting for something to happen but it never really does. What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): I love old-school playground flirting. Obviously that's why you're doing it, but it is also why he's doing. Some boys never get out of that type of flirting, maybe because they're unconfident or don't know how to talk to the girls they like, so they take the mick instead. I think the reason you were so shocked at the work do is because you felt fr the first time that maybe he liked you back too. When people are drunk, they lose their inhibitions and gain confidence, he went to kiss you that night because he likes you. You say you talk a lot, do you know his interests and hobbies? Could you invite him out to watch a game or something like that? If you are nervous about it, try putting it casually in to conversation. Maybe have your friends there and him as the only one from work. This allows you to feel more comfortable and allows your friends to meet him at the same time (I'm assuming you've spoken to your friends about him). If that doesn't sound right, maybe you could just suggest going to lunch together, that's not serious but allows you to spend time with him out of work for a bit without your other colleagues. This could allow you to get to know him better and get some alone time.I hope something in there helps, Good Luck!
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