A
male
age
41-50,
*r. Smith
writes:I'm a 30 y/o male, got married when I was 28 I have a 19 month old boy. I love my wife and child. But my question is the following: "when my wife and I had intimacy for the first time she made it very clear and reinstated that she wasn't a virgin, that she had varioous partners before me I am in her same situation".Since that day I have wondered how does it feel to have sex with a virgin woman? To this day I haven't had the privilege to do such thing... now I'm questioning if I wasn't good enough to be a woman's first time.Any difference besides the typical "bleeding,painful, tightness feeling sceneraios"??Is it true that women never forget their first partners? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Smart_Idiot +, writes (11 January 2013):
I hate to say it but I think the best sexual gift a woman can give a man is her virginity. DISCLAIMER: I'm a man, and I've never had a virgin. I feel like I'm missing out on the simple "just knowing I was her first." Women, generally speaking, say: "all that matters is that she chose you, or is with you, etc." Men care about being firsts, women care about lasts. Am I wierd for feeling or caring that someone kind of "bested" me in that department with my current partner?
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female
reader, peacelovecandy +, writes (25 March 2012):
 My first time wasn't enjoyable, really. I don't think you're missing out - the only difference is some blood, an uncomfortable girl, and a little bit of extra tightness. I'm sure your wife wouldn't be happy knowing you'd rather have sex with a virgin.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (6 March 2012):
Wow, I had no idea how lucky I was. Our first time, for both of us, was stunning. No pain, my orgasm took 20 seconds, my girlfriends 2 months, but it was the best 2 months of our lives! Sex is very intimate and if you are not comfortable with that then sex will not be great. We started really slow and everything just happened. No pressure, no alchohol, no regrets!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): I dont remember the first time I had sex to be honest it wasnt the memorable I suppose it depends on the person.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): I have not discussed this with very many women, but every one I have talked to about it said their first time was painful and they didn't enjoy it.
Do you remember the first time you threw a basketball at a hoop and missed by a mile? Maybe, but I doubt that it was special in any real way.
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female
reader, iloveblue +, writes (2 March 2012):
 For a woman, among the girls I know, no one has ever said that the first time was unforgettably enjoyable. Cerberus has described it correctly.
I do not forget the the first time, however, it was with a boyfriend who left me a year later and so I hate remembering it. I was not even romanced to finally do it, i was forced and at that time, I was not even in love. The feeling was totally awkward, unromantic, scary and it was as if everything we are doing is not right. The end result, I got home feeling guilty and sick. I even had a stomachache. I have asked my friends and they had felt the same thing, even if they were not forced. Therefore, as everyone says, as like all first times...first time sex is just what it is. Nothing magical about it. The media is giving us wrong ideas about it to be honest.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): I remember, but because it was hilarious, awkward, and then painful, and then more awkward. I wouldn't change the way it happpened, but there is no way I would ever EVER want to go through that again.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 March 2012):
 I concur with everyone on here. I'm not a guy, but I think that a guy gets much more from being a woman's first than a woman gets having sex for the first time. Of course, a woman doesn't forget having sex for the first time, nor does she forget who it was with. But it's not the same as this unforgettable massive-magic time where her world was so altered that her first man is forever on a mental and emotional pedestal.
Like Cerberus said, it's much more magical the first time you have an orgasm with a guy. Now *that* is amazing.
You're married, and wondering about being a woman's first time? You should value much more that someone as awesome as your wife chose YOU to spend the rest of her life with. She had various sex partners, but she loved you enough to not ever want to let you go like she did the others.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): First time was not romantic by any means so I do not entertain or romanticize my first time. It was with my Ex Husband and the guy was a douche nozzle.
I actually get revulsed if I think about him.
So no, I don't think tonnes of people, male or female, recall and replay their first time.
I'm more the present is what fulfills me. And your Wife more than likely- you are the star of her fantasies. Or it should be that way.
I think you are watching too much porn and have become obsessed on something you feel you are 'owed' and 'missing out' on . YOu need to focus on what you do have.
The more you focus on the selfish mentality, the closer you will come to ending your marriage over what?
so not worth it.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 March 2012):
 There was nothing special about my first time. I didn't think the first guy was any better than any other guy, and he is not in my mind at all. Virginity is not a prize I give to eligible men. I've had sex with an 18 year old virgin because I was curious and would like to teach him the ropes. I didn't feel proud because I took his virginity. There are women who couldn't let go of a painful relationship for years, giving you the impression that they can't forget first time partners. This can be true even for the second, third or tenth partner. A lot of virgins sleep with jerks the first time. What makes you good enough is how strong your marriage is right now.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 Coming from a land of virgins here yeah its a big deal. Virgins are often.pure in regards to no sexual issues from the past and have fresh relationship minds. At least where i live. In the us i wont go there lol. Dude dont get fixated on ur wifes past. Shes with u and thats all that matters. Thats the big picture.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 "Since that day I have wondered how does it feel to have sex with a virgin woman?"
I've also never had the privilege to have sex with either a virgin woman or a virgin male. I bet most women haven't either, but most of them don't sit there and wonder about it all day. Virginity to me does seem a lot of fuss about nothing, I don't think I'd like to try to train one.
For my ex, well, it probably was the worst sexual experience of his life, tons of blood, for him, penis wouldn't go in and for some reason he started bleeding instead of me. And because I was a young virgin (lacking knowledge about bedroom manners), I found the whole thing hilarious, couldn't stop laughing my head of, while he was in the bathroom checking to see if the penis was broken. He was physically hurt, embarrassed, poor guy, and not interested in sex for a week or so.... and then we spent years trying to see how the damn thing worked.. uncomfortable, painful, for me, for him he felt rejected and upset that he couldn't make sex nicer for me.
Then one day.. wow.. it got better.... As you can see, I'm trying to tell you, I don't think your missing much at all. My ex probably would have preferred to meet me as I am now and missed out all them years of bad and painful sex.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 March 2012):
 I have not forgotten my first partner. I don’t have any feelings for him or think of him… but I remember it… never compare to anyone else…
As for the whole bleeding pain etc.. nope NONE of that…
Trust me it’s no privilege to have a virgin. It’s NOT that big a deal and you are making yourself crazy over something that is in YOUR mind. And what makes you think that GOODNESS is the key to “having a virgin”….
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): "Since that day I have wondered how does it feel to have sex with a virgin woman?"
It's pretty shit actually. OP I've been a number of women's first time and as sex goes it was usually crap. Awkward, sore, they have no idea what they're doing, nervous, sometimes bloody, very often short and disappointing for them as they had expected some kind of beautiful, magical romantic thing instead of the reality. It's like child birth in the sense that a lot of women who haven't experienced it think of child brith as some kind of beautiful miracle with some cramping, pain and pushing when the reality of it is an uncontrollable puking, urinating, defecating, 12-36 hours of agony ending in a torn vagina and often a seething hatred towards the guy and sometimes the baby that made them go through that.
"Any difference besides the typical "bleeding,painful, tightness feeling sceneraios"??"
As I said above there are lots of huge differences. Nervousness makes them too conscious of doing it right, they very often just lie there and do nothing, often they'll have to stop you because you hit a pain point, you generally can't go in very deep, you rarely, if ever, get to finish because they have to stop you as it's too sore, they then get embarrassed because they feel they've failed or they were crap, or they can immediately regret just having lost their virginity in such an awkward fumbling mess or drunk to a guy who they only met that night. I could go on and on, suffice to say there is nothing special about it, there is nothing good about the sex and as a person who has never felt I had to brag or keep score of things, 'popping a cherry' has never felt like enough of a "prize" to offset the rest of it. This idea that women love their first guy or remember him more than anyone else is a load of crap especially when you consider that's probably the worst sex they'll ever have.
I'm my current girlfriends first and only, and I can honestly say that our first time having sex together was nowhere near as special as the first time I made her climax, nor the first time I gave her multiples, and definitely not as good as the first time she took over and dominated me during sex. Her first time it was literally three thrusts before I had to stop as she was in too much pain. It took another few sessions to get to the point where she was physically comfortable having sex and then it took a while longer before she got the hang of what to do, even longer after that before she had the confidence to take the reigns.
My point is OP there are a lot of sexual "firsts" that are far more profound and memorable than the time you lose your virginity. The first time doing it in the bushes in a busy public park during the day, the first time on public transport, the first time you completely sync with a new partner, the list goes on but the fact remains my partner now is the most special sex to me because she's the woman I love now. I remember and think far more fondly of the sex I have with her than any of my previous experiences because of the love I have for her and the "firsts" we've had together are far more special to me even though I have done most of those things before with other women.
"Is it true that women never forget their first partners?"
I don't think anyone forgets their first partners but they only ever come to mind when asked about it really or when you have to think of it. I certainly don't have a very fond memory of my first time, a drunken one night stand with an old friend in which neither of us were really attracted to each other. Barely able to look at each other the next day with horrible hangovers, a few weeks wait to see if she was pregnant or not and an STI test for me because I wanted to be sure I was clean after it. That was really romantic, special and magical I can tell you hehe.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 March 2012):
 Remembering and longing are two very different things. I don't know many women who even enjoyed their first time, let alone look back on it wishfully. Most women I know lost their virginity to jerks, not the perfect guy they show in high school chick flicks. There really is no privilege to it, for many it's just about being young. The only difference between having sex with a virgin versus a non-virgin is that the virgin is going to be in pain and scared. The "tightness" would likely feel like having sex with sandpaper more than pleasurable, and many women don't bleed. Of course people don't forget their first time. I'd imagine the only reason to compare anything to the first time would be to think how glad she is that it's NOT the first time anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): No. I remember only because it was something long in coming and it wasn't anything special. I didn't bleed either. And didn't really even love the guy.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 No, it's bullshit. I mean, they remember him, meaning they ( probably ) remember his face and name , where it happened,which day was it - same as one remembers any first time.
But remembering is not the same as longing or missing or having any special emotional reactions to the memory.
I remember perfectly my first day in elementary school, but it does not mean that I have any desire of going back to first grade and learn the alphabet song.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): Did not personally bleed my first time but it hurt badly and was not particularly enjoyable. It's not something I look back on with any special fondness, or very often at all. I'm willing to bet the same is true of many women.
You say you've been with other women as well... sorry OP, but you CANNOT fault your wife for not being a virgin when you were not one yourself. Maybe she's never been with a virgin man, either, but I doubt now that she has you and a child together she is bothered by it in the least. You need to work on feeling the same way, since now that you're a married father it's no longer appropriate for you to go searching for a virgin to have sex with. Good luck
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female
reader, babu3u +, writes (2 March 2012):
 First times are different for everyone. Some girls hate it and regret it because they did it with the wrong person or they were not ready. Some girls enjoyed it and found it very special. But usually the first time it hurts, and most women won't orgasm from penetration only. The first time you'll never forget (unless you were totally drunk and you had no idea what happend).
To me is not who you lose your virginity to, but is about who you are willing to share other first times for the rest of your life. Your wife must have had partners before but now you are the one who she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
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