| A ,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me and she still wants to keep me as her best friend. She is dating someone else and I still love her. What should I do?
View related questions:
a break, best friend, broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, shewolf1786  +, writes (2 October 2008):
I don't know about this i was with a man for 2 years he left me for another girl we want through the i want to see other people on his side but i wasn't about sharing my man.
any way we split up and he started seeing her.
talk about drama he wants to be friends and I'm not over him yet its been 2 months and i just don't think i can do it.
but he says im his best friend and wants to remain friends
he calls me at least once a week and tells me how bad of a gf she is and the things that are going on and says shes not there for him she isnt anything like me and compares us all the time and im the better of us both but theres a chemical attraction between them and he dont know what to do
shes an alcoholic and dont know when to stop drinking,he has came to my home and stayed the night a few times and no nothing happened but i feel like im doing something wrong
omg i could go on and on' i love him to much and i dont know what to do my self and i dont think we can be friends because of my feelings for him,
so i dont think 2 people can be friends if there are still feelings and are one sided, but im trying and dont think its gonna work
A
female
reader, lusylusylusy  +, writes (10 June 2008):
I'm almost in the same situation, accept me and my ex partner were best friends before we discovered there could be something else, and now, obviously, he just wants it back the way it was since he has found someone new (Who he was seeing secretly when going out with me). I love him more than anything and i hate him for putting me through this, but we're still close and just hanging on to our friendship though recently he told me "You were too much stress, we argued all the time over stupid things until i didn't feel the same. I don't love you.".
Just don't put yourself in as much pain as i decided to, because all that matters to me is that hes still here, the worst mistake ever.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): It's not. Once you cross the friendship line, it's never goin to be the same. Unless there were no feelings involved and you were maybe curious. Otherwise, if you are truly in love with her....you're in for some heartache. It's naive to think that you could be friends and okay with it if you're not over her. Period.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): be a friend to her in that manner you are helping yourself accept everything that has happened and if ever time comes anything goes wrong with what she is doing and you are not yet over her...i'll bet, she will be asking you back.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): take a break. a few months long break. and then go back. you need time to stop viewing her as your romantic partner, and to separate yourself from the relationship. even if you don't date other people for awhile, you should not have any feelings for her when you see her next as friends. but until then, simply explain to her that you do want to be friends - later. but right now isn't the right time for that.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2006): I say stay away from her, I just recently broke it off with a guy, he came back and wanted to be friends, so we tried it for 4 months, I still cared for him and it didnt matter what he said or did. everything hurt me. I became angry untill he finally couldnt deal with me anymore, now he's gone for good, hope he learned a lesson, I know I sure did. If you still love her stay away from her.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): Chicks think they can manipulate blokes. They think they can just pick and choose what happens between the 2 of you. Trust me she just wants you there because its convenient for her. She might be thinking she can try out other guys and have you there (her best friend!) to fall back on. I dont think so. Hey if u want revenge, wait til that happens, lead her on and show her what its like. Then dont speak her
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2006): going through similar myself. want to be friends with her, but terrified of seeing her find some one else and the heart ache it will bring, so space is likely a wise move although pretty tough...not sure i can do it myself... but maybe friend ship can come later, if you dont end up too hurt at the end of it?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006): If you still love her and she is dating another person this will cause conflict. You may eventually want more than a friendship with her again because your emotions may get in the way of the "friendship". It would be best for you to minimize your friendship and contact with her for a while so you can cope with the situation and when your ready or completely over her you can be ready to stard a true friendship with her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Steve +, writes (25 February 2006):
Time to move on, If you still love this girl and she is with another, then you need to find a new partner yourself. I have been in a similar situ it took me 2 years to get over her ,but now i have a wonderful new wife i met when i was`nt even looking. I hope you find the same. Good Luck
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2006): I went through the same thing. After a 1.5 year living together relationship, my girl friend left me for a guy who lives in my building, but she wanted to be friends. Then after 2 weeks, her new guy turned out to be not so great, so she came back, but with a condition. She wanted us to be able to see others for caual dates. I did this for a week and then told her forget about it. Like the others said, she just wants company until she finds something better. I told her unless its 100% effort, then don't call me again. She called 2 weeks later to tell me that she went back with the other guy, but that she still missed our conversations. I told her not to call again and wished her good luck and a good life. It hurt like hell and still hurts after 3 months, but it gets better. Remember, a break-up is like a physical injury. You can't force it to heal. It takes the time that it takes and it can't be rushed.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2006): Let her go, it is her way to keep you around just in case she wanted to get back with you. I know you love her, I am going through the same thing right now, except there is no other man right now. I do not want to be around for her when it is convienient for her. Just tell her it won't work out, you can't ever be just friends with her, you feel so much more than friends and you can't just turn it off.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2005): Hey, I feel for you because I am going through it right now... I dated the loved of my life, completey head over heels, probably still am in love...and he cheated on me 3 times! I knew about 2 and took him back (my fault i know!!!) then he did it again.. it was the most painful thing i ever had to go through in my life, b.c. he was my best friend before we started dating and so much more while we were dating. Like best friends do, we hung out ever second of the day, just us two and we loved it that way.. after the 3 time i finally had to end it all... IT IS THE HARDEST THING but i realized it is the best thing! We tried being friends after the 2 time he cheated and it didn't work b.c. you are still in love and all those emotions are still there... as EVERYONE else said.. TAKE TIME AWAY! Go out, have your fun, and let your heart heal... once you are completey over the person I do think you can be friends but not until then... it will be okay trust me! TIME HEALS IT ALL!!!
...............................
A
reader, Matt,20 +, writes (7 July 2005):
Just leave her, even best friends cares A LOT about each other, which definitely has a crossing line between dating and friendship, She has broken your heart for whatever reason, the heart is there and broken for now, stay away from this girl, she will hurt, intentionally or NOT she will!!! Because you still have feelings for her... Brother find your self another girl and get her out of your life, but learn this lesson... don't ever cry over it!Matt,20.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2005): If you guys could be best friend after brekaup, I would say that you two, probably, had never truly loved one another. Two people truly loved and would be a torture for both to remain friends. It would be better not be in any so called 'friendship' and get more tortured after the breakup. Just remember the good time spend together and remember the good parts of one another. Move your life and let it go. It is easy to say, I know. But this is the life. Life goes on whether you like it or not. We only live once in the life, and then make the best of it. sounds not too bad, isnt it?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2005): I highly suggest staying away. I have been in this exact situation when I told my g/f I was going away into the military. We eventually called it quits and she wanted to be "best friends." Though at the time it seemed like a nice gesture and a conveinent way to keep in touch it turned into a disaster. She also got a new b/f and I would find myself being cut off on the phone because he was over or she couldn't talk that long b/c she was going to dinner with him in 15 min. It almost seemed like the perfect trap to keep me on the back burner in case something went wrong. It absolutely should not be like that. Keep your distance...
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (9 June 2005):
 Yes you can remain friends, but i think you need to heal your heart first. Try to distance yourself from her to begin, until you can come to terms with the fact that you two are not longer together. In the begining you want to be her friend as you secretly think that by staying freinds you will get back together. She has dediced to move on, so you should to. Remain friends if thats what you want, but heal first and then things will be easier for you. its easier to accept that you are over when you are not freinds, but if you want to remain that way, you will need to distance yourself and hopefully in time you will also find someone new and feel less of a panging for her.
...............................
A
reader, Your big sis +, writes (9 June 2005):
 Yes, you can still be best friends. But you have to give yourself some space away from her to get over her. If she's your friend like she says she is, she will understand. Time heals a broken heart.
...............................
A
reader, lucy +, writes (8 June 2005):
I really feel for you on this one. It must be so hard at the moment, but given time you will get over her. However, in this time I suggest not really having much to do with her for the simple fact that you're going to feel more and more crushed every time you see her and this is practically the total opposite of getting over someone! By spending less time with her and more time meeting new girls, you will soon get over her, then who knows, maybe then you can start being friends with her. But for the meantime, I strongly suggest to keep your distance and concentrate on getting over her. x
...............................
A
reader, StressFree +, writes (8 June 2005):
There is no way to be "best friends" with an ex that you were with for so long and still love. Every moment with her would be painful. I would just forget about the friend thing and tell her hell no! Find someone else, you seem really sweet!
...............................
A
reader, rabbit +, writes (8 June 2005):
Basically, just be supportive of her decisions, wish her all the best and just let her know that you will be there for her if she needs it. She must have thought it through and came up with the decision based on your time together.For good or for bad, the decision is made.Unfortunate as it is, accept it.Personally, I would do as I suggested above and I would wait for a length of time for the decision to settle. Then move on.The fact that you mentioned that she ALREADY has a new boyfriend indicates to me that she's traded up and probably won't look back. -unless it turn out to be a complete disaster and then she wants you back. (i'm not trying to be rude, but that's what it looks like).Wait around for a little while, then move on, as hard as that may be.I'm sorry, someone else may be more knowledgeable on this issue.
...............................
|
